Magical Cat's Corner

2010-10-24T06:52:00.001-04:00

BRAINS!!

I have never been creeped out by zombie movies... in fact, I like them. But when you're having your brain operated on, it puts a new spin on your attitude towards zombies. A few weeks ago, I was on vacation in Oklahoma with my family when my right foot went numb. We were in Tahlequah, OK, the Cherokee capital. I stepped out of the truck, and noticed my shoe had fallen off and my foot was on the concrete, but I couldn't feel it. Hmmm, that was strange. Over the next few days, it became worse, until my whole leg was numb. Within a few more days, my arm was numb. I contacted the NIH, and my husband and I flew out there immediately.

It was Friday night when we arrived. My oncologist came into the hospital at 11:30 PM on a Friday night to give me an exam! Is that service or what?? I had an MRI the next day, which revealed that one my skull lesions had decided to start growing inward and push on my brain. To complicate matters, it was also tapped into a major blood vessel that drains the sinus. I would have to have surgery, but they would not be able to remove all of the tumor in the vein area. I would also need radiation.

On Saturday, Dr. Pacak came to visit me, and he brought me a bouquet of sunflowers... on his own birthday! The doctors at the NIH are just wonderful. I cannot say enough kind words about them. They put me on steroids to control inflammation. I also started on Phenoxybenzamine in preparation for my surgery. Pheochromocytoma patients must take an alpha-blockade before any surgeries in order to control blood pressure spikes. On Sunday they sent me home. Sunday was my birthday, so I was really looking forward to getting home and seeing my kids, especially after hearing that I was going to need risky brain surgery. James and I ended up spending six hours at the airport because the flight was delayed. We made it home at 9:30 PM, and Tess was asleep. She tried to wait up for me but couldn't make it. My mom had dinner and hot cider made. Happy birthday to me!

I was due to come back to the NIH for my surgery in one week. I didn't make it that long...my symptoms continued to worsen. It was very scary how fast the tumor was growing. I could feel myself getting worse by the hour. I had double vision, trouble walking because of the numbness, and I was very dizzy. We ended up going back to the NIH early so that they could monitor me. I sat in the hospital for 5 days before my surgery. I passed the time making earrings (as best I could with double vision).

My surgery had to be delayed by a day because of Columbus Day, which is a stupid holiday! When I was in college, I protested Columbus Day along with the Native American Student Association. We went to the homecoming game and held signs that said things like "Thanks for the yellow fever." I guess this was Columbus's way of getting me back!

Finally, surgery day arrived. They were able to remove 95% of the tumor. They replaced a 3 inch around piece of my skull with some kind of plastic compound. I have an 8 inch long incision on my head, but it actually looks better than I thought it would. Surprisingly, there was very little pain with this surgery. My head has hardly hurt at all. When I woke from surgery, my feet were on fire. Some kind of neuropathy set in and it was extremely painful. That went on for two days.

I lost a lot of blood in the surgery. They had to give me two units of blood during the procedure. The next day my blood counts were still low, so they gave me two more units of blood. As I watched the blood go in, I began to get warm and I had a pinkish glow to my skin. It made me think of True Blood. If only I could get some vampire blood... maybe it would heal me. After they gave me the blood, they said I could go home. James and I checked out of the hospital the next morning, and we went over to the family lodge for a day of respite before flying home.

Now I must do 10 days of radiation to zap the remaining 5% of the tumor. I'm still taking the steroids to control inflammation. I am extremely swollen from the steroids and they keep me up at night. I also have a pinched nerve in my shoulder that is making my right arm almost unusable. But that is the least of my worries...

All of this has been enough to deal with... but there are no breaks for me yet. When I got home, I developed pain in my abdomen. I asked for a CT scan. There are at least ten tumors in my liver, and two of them are over 5 cm. Really? Seriously? I cannot get a break??

So here I sit, in a sort of catch 22. The radiation on my head needs to be completed, and yet the rapidly growing disease in my liver needs to be addressed. And the pain and discomfort in my abdomen is a constant reminder of it all. Will I ever be back to myself again?

2010-08-17T12:16:00.000-04:00

This Journey will Never End

I've been on chemotherapy for 1 year and 8 months. The chemo itself is very difficult to deal with. Each cycle puts me out of commission for nearly a week. I'm nauseated, weak, tired, and my tumor spots (which are all over) flare up and cause pain for several days. Each treatment is 2 days because one of the drugs has to be given over 2 days. On the third day, I receive a shot called Neulasta that boosts my white blood cell production. The shot has worse side effects than the chemo. It makes my skin burn. I can barely stand to take a shower. It also makes me incredibly weak, and when I stand up I nearly pass out. It also gives me feelings of doom and makes me want to die. Really, the shot is THAT bad. I'd like to never have it again, but there doesn't seem to be any other way to keep my white cell count up. When the chemo started, I went every three weeks, then it was every four, and now it's every five. The only thing that makes the chemo bearable is the time I have in between cycles when I feel nearly normal.

My journey with cancer did not start with the chemo. It has been ongoing since the birth of my beautiful daughter, who is now 5 1/2. Since then I've been through three major surgeries (my neck, my hip, and my liver), each with their own set of post-op woes. My body has been forever changed... nerve damage, metal hip, missing gallbladder. I've also been through radiation, radio frequency ablation, and a second pregnancy while the cancer continued to grow. My precious son is a miracle, because he came in the only window possible. Just another month later, and I probably wouldn't have been able to get through the pregnancy. It was interesting to be pregnant just four months after a hip replacement. That brought its own set of aches and probably delayed my healing a little bit. Despite all that, I made it through. Just three months after he was born, I had to have a mass dose of MIBG radiation as a treatment for my cancer. I had to stay away from my family for two weeks. I had to stop breastfeeding my son, which still makes me sad when I think about it. I breastfed my daughter for 16 months, and I'm a big supporter of breastfeeding.

Going back even farther, when I was ten years old I started vomiting every time I exercised or did anything that would increase my heart rate. I had high blood pressure. It took EIGHT YEARS to get a diagnosis. I had surgery when I was 18 to remove the orange sized tumor, one of my kidneys, and an adrenal gland.

Yes, this cancer has robbed me of many things. It has caused horrific pain that I never imagined possible. And now it threatens my life again, despite being on chemotherapy. It's spreading in my pelvis and hip joint. It seems there is no end in sight to this cancer. I just want to hang on until a cure is found. That's what I'm trying to do. I want to see my kids grow up, and I want to be there to help them if they ever develop the same tumors that I have.

My family and friends keep me going. I will fight this thing to the end.

2010-08-10T15:47:00.002-04:00

Living with Cancer

I've had metastatic pheochromocytoma for 5 years. I've been on chemotherapy for a year and eight months now. I have found it challenging to know what to eat/drink while living with this disease because there are differing opinions on everything. I thought I'd share some of my eating practices. I'd love to hear from others who have tips.

Drink white tea with honey - White tea has more antioxidants than green tea. So that you do not kill off the antioxidants, let boiling water cool down for a minute before you put your tea in it. Honey can help boost your immune system.
Limit red meat - Eat more fish. This is one where I have room for improvement.
Limit dairy products - Dairy products can cause inflammation. I can't give up cheese, but I avoid milk, except when I get an occasional craving for it.
Drink coffee - Yes, I drink coffee and no, I will not stop. Even though people say I should get off of caffeine, I won't do it. Coffee has been shown to slow memory loss.
Drink red wine - Antioxidant power! Plus you've got to indulge yourself once in awhile.
Eat dark chocolate - I buy the 80% kind, which doesn't taste very good, but the higher the cacao percentage, the more anti-oxidants are in it. I eat one square per day. Milk chocolate cannot be substituted... it's just a lot of fat and sugar. Dark chocolate also helps dilate blood vessels and can lower blood pressure.
Use cinnamon - I try to use a little every day. It helps regulate blood sugar.
Eat Indian food - Turmeric can alleviate inflammation, and it's found in many Indian dishes.
Avoid soy - This is difficult because soybean oil is in everything. I avoid it as much as possible. Soy contains plant estrogens, which are not good for some cancers, especially some forms of breast cancer. Most of the soy in this country is genetically modified and treated with herbicides, which is another reason to avoid it.
Avoid high fructose corn syrup - Studies have shown that cancer cells thrive on glucose. It's best to avoid sugar in most forms, but it's highly difficult for me. All I can do is try.
Avoid artificial sweeteners - I used to drink Diet Coke every day. I finally broke myself of the habit. I don't know if aspartame has any relation to my current health status, but it can't hurt to avoid it. You have to check labels... it's hidden in many foods. If I have something sweet, I go for real sugar.
Take vitamins - I take B6 to boost my red blood cells, a multivitamin, extra vitamin C, and a calcium chew with vitamin D every day.
Eat fresh, organic produce - Try to avoid pesticides and herbicides. Steam vegetables so that you don't cook away their nutrients.
Eat broccoli - Broccoli contains cancer fighting compounds.
Eat garlic - It has antibacterial properties, may lower cholesterol, and wards off mosquitoes.
Use olive oil - It doesn't work for baking, but I use it as much as I can when I cook.
Drink water - This is actually one of the hardest items for me. I don't drink enough water partly because I can't put the coffee mug down. Well, there is water in coffee, right?

My last tip does not involve food, but it's important. I've been taking mud baths on a regular basis. They are relaxing, and the type of mud bath I take is high in humic acid. Humic acid will boost the immune system, help the body become more alkaline, relieve pain, and rejuvenate the skin. I have not been using these baths very long, but I have already noticed a difference in my skin. I highly recommend these baths! Golden Moor Mud Baths

2010-08-10T14:49:00.000-04:00

The State of Food

I watched the movie Food, Inc. awhile back. It exposes the terrible practices that the food industry doesn't want you to know about. Everything from genetically modified soy and the evil empire who created it, mistreatment of animals, mishandling of meat and produce, mistreatment of workers... all the ugly truth is there for you to see. And even if you don't want to see it, I think you should. You NEED to see it.

I am really disturbed by just how much soy and high fructose corn syrup is used in food. Those ingredients are in EVERYTHING! I ate soy heavily for about 3 years before I developed cancer. Even though I have a genetic predisposition to the cancer I have, I can't help but wonder if the soy had something to do with it. I only recently realized that 90% of the soybeans in this country are genetically modified to resist the herbicide Roundup. So, most of the soy we eat probably has this chemical mixed in with it. And soy is touted as a health food...

With the availability and low cost of processed foods, it doesn't surprise me that people are getting cancer and diabetes at younger ages. I'm not surprised that so many kids are obese and have high blood pressure. But how do we stop it?

As a result of watching the film and doing some other research, I changed the way I grocery shop. My kids have a chance of getting the same cancer I have, so it is extremely important that I give them the healthiest foods I can. I have stopped buying foods that contain high fructose corn syrup. Even though it's difficult, I try to buy foods that do not contain soy or soybean oil. I buy as much food as I can from Farmer's Markets. I grow some of my own vegetables. I buy organic. I only buy milk that does not contain growth hormones. I buy meat that does not contain hormones. Grass fed beef and free range chickens are best, but they are not always affordable. I buy cage free eggs, which are nearly three times the price as regular, but aside from the fact that the chickens are treated humanely, I think they taste better.

Those changes have upped our grocery bill somewhat. It's not cheap to eat healthy, and that's a shame. It's worth it to me. If we demand that these unhealthy ingredients be removed from our food, the industry will listen. They will have to if they want our money. So let's demand change!

2010-01-23T14:31:00.002-05:00

Hello, It's Me Again...

Wow, it is 2010, and my last post was September 2008. Has it really been that long? I do have a good excuse for being absent from the blog world. I have been on chemotherapy for the last year. The tumor saga goes on... In December 2008 I was in extreme pain, my tumors were growing and spreading, and it was finally decided that I would start CVD chemotherapy. CVD is a cocktail of three drugs... cytoxan, vincristine, and DTIC. At first I received it every three weeks. Then we moved to every four weeks. It makes me horribly nauseated despite all the anti-nausea drugs I take. I also receive a Neulasta shot after each chemo treatment, which keeps my white blood cell production going. The side effects of the shot are worse than the chemo. The combination of chemo and the shot pretty much puts me out of commission for a week. I get three weeks of "normalcy" between treatments. I use that term loosely because I do get tired. For the most part, I can't complain. The chemo is gradually shrinking the many bone lesions I have. I will stay on it until it stops working or until the tumors are gone, which would be some sort of miracle. I keep hoping that a cure will be found in the meantime.

On my last visit to the NIH for scans, I had one trouble spot in my pelvis. It was more enhanced than on a previous scan, which means there is tumor activity going on. So, they are going to burn it out with RFA (Radio Frequency Ablation). I had RFA on my liver once, but that was during surgery. This will be a little different.

I'm still working (part time). My work status may change eventually, but I'll always be a mom. The kids keep me very busy. Tess is in preschool and Nolan turned two last month.

My only goal for each new year is to be in better health at the end of the year than I was at the beginning. That was true for 2009, so I hope it will be true for 2010.

2008-09-25T22:42:00.000-04:00

Killing Bugs Never Tasted So Good

We've all had fruit flies in our house at one time or another... you leave some bananas on the counter until they turn black or leave a plate of spaghetti sitting on the counter for awhile (ahem), and BAM. Fruit fly infestation. Usually you get lucky... toss out the offending item and the fruit flies gradually disappear, but sometimes they are hesitant to leave. You catch them mating on the kitchen counter and try to smash them, but they fly away too fast. You get out the vacuum cleaner and start sucking them off the ceiling in the evening when they land up there to do whatever fruit flies do on the ceiling, but you still see them flying around your cereal the next day.

Well, I have stumbled upon a surefire way to get rid of those pesky fruit flies! Not only will it eliminate the problem, but it's also fun.

Step 1. Obtain a bottle of sweet, fruity wine (they seem to prefer white). The fruit flies at my house really like Traminette and Simmons' Winery Autumn Late Harvest (they have discerning taste, at least).

Step 2. Drink most of the wine (this is the fun part). Leave an inch or so of wine in the bottom of the bottle.

Step 3. Set the open wine bottle in the area where fruit flies seem to be congregating (kitchen, maybe?). Note: Be sure to use the bottle. A glass does not work as well.

Step 4. Wait.

You will notice less and less fruit flies buzzing around your food and more and more fruit flies floating helpless (and dead) in the wine bottle.

This absolutely works. Last summer we had a fruit fly problem and we tried everything to get rid of them... unsightly fly paper, the vacuum method, Raid, but nothing worked until I accidentally left a bit of wine in a bottle sitting out. The next day I counted 20 some fruit flies floating in the bottle. A couple of days later the problem was completely eradicated. I have used this method a few times since then (I guess we get a lot of bad bananas) when I notice fruit flies around, and it works everytime.

I wonder if I can have this idea patented.

2008-06-21T00:46:00.001-04:00

A Testament To My Age

There are two Windows folders in My Documents called My Albums (for pictures) and My Music. I consistently click on the My Albums folder when I want to play some music. I guess I'll never learn... like a grandma who can't set the time on her VCR.

2008-06-20T15:24:00.000-04:00

Buggin'

My three year old daughter is afraid of bugs, especially the flying variety. When I say afraid, I mean terrified for her life. At the sight of a fly, bee, gnat, or whatever, she screams, starts crying, trembles, hides her face and/or gets behind me. The scream startles everyone around us, and they think she is mortally injured. So whenever this happens in public, it's really nice to endure all the stares from people.

She also has the uncanny ability to find the smallest bugs around the house. She'll point out the tiniest ant crawling around on carpet where it normally would be camouflaged. One day she told me there was a spider in the potty. I'm thinking it's on her little training toilet... no, there is a spider crawling around in my toilet bowl! I'm glad she found it. I am amazed at her bug spotting ability, but it does not help her phobia one bit.

I don't know why she developed this phobia. I may jump once in awhile if a bug lands on me outside or if I see a big bug in the house, but I've never reacted like that. Maybe it was television. It gets blamed for everything else, so we'll just say that's it.

We have tried various approaches in order to deal with her phobia. We've reassured her that bugs won't hurt her, they are afraid of her, some bugs are good, and so on... but she is three. You can't reason with a three year old. After having this happen again and again I finally lost my patience and yelled at her and put her in timeout on the couch. That didn't work either. You can't scare the fear out of someone. The psychologist in me thought about systematic desensitization, but again, she is three. I think she is going to just have to outgrow it. In the meantime, I have to remain calm whenever I encounter a creepy crawly. I don't like millipedes, and there have been two of them in the house recently. It's really hard not to yelp when you see one of those. I have to suck it up and set a good example!

It's going to be a fun summer indoors... I bought Tess a pool, but she can't enjoy it. She barely even had a foot in it today when she saw something and ran screaming back into the house.

Happy Summer Solstice!

2008-06-12T13:27:00.000-04:00

The Scarlet Pumpernickel

Ah... it's fun to laugh at the verbal screw-ups, Freudian slips, misunderstood song lyrics, and jabberwocky that people come up with. As a kid I used to think Aimee Mann was singing "Ooo, trash, even downtown, was so scary" in the song "Voices Carry". To this day, even though I know the correct lyrics, I still sing my own silly version.

Here are some other silly things I've heard or read over the years...

One day (many years ago) I was walking through campus at Ball State with a friend, and it started to sprinkle. She said "It's dribbling." That made me laugh, and I still remember it!

When Pope John Paul II died and they were electing a new pope, I had the news on and the news lady said "The new poop, uh, pope...". I can't remember which channel I was watching, but that was hilarious.

I was looking for a table in a restaurant with someone when he said something like "That table hasn't been busted yet". Busted? Oh... you mean bussed.

Sometimes the brain just decides to mix up what a person is saying... one day my husband referred to something in the living room as a "rotten curd". It took me a second to register that he was talking about the curtain rod. That was so funny that we have been referring to curtain rods as rotten curds ever since.

My mom is the queen of mispronouncing things even after she's been saying it correctly. She once said "He's got that Alzenheimers". I guess she had forgotten how to pronounce it. On a recent trip she was unloading stuff from the car and asked her husband if he could get her "Bed, Bath, and Body Bag". I said "Mom, I didn't know we had a dead body in the car." It was a Bath and Body Works bag, but she had somehow thrown Bed, Bath, and Beyond in there.

And I saved the best for last. A while back someone at work sent a message out to the entire Carmel office. The message informed everyone that they would need to change their passwords due to a possible security risk. The last line of the message said:

"We apologize for the incontinence and appreciate your understanding."

:)

2008-06-12T13:00:00.001-04:00

Character Licensing Has Gone Too Far

I know companies want to make a buck by selling their trademark character license, but it's sometimes hard to find kids' products that are not stamped with a cartoon character. I swear, Dora, Pooh, Disney Princesses, Elmo, Thomas the Tank Engine, and whoever else is on EVERYTHING! Sunglasses, shoes, clothes, toy furniture, bikes, and even potties. I don't mind the toys so much, but I do not buy any clothes or shoes with characters on them. I don't know why it bothers me so much. I guess I just don't want my daughter being a walking advertisement for Dora the Explorer. And I think a plain little flowered dress is much cuter without a giant cartoon on the front.

2008-04-12T12:41:00.000-04:00

Turn Me On Tonight; I'm Radioactive

I haven't blogged in awhile because I've been busier than ever, and the funny thing is that I'm not even working right now. On the first day of spring, I received my dose of radiation (for the zillions of bone tumors that I have). I had to travel to Philadelphia to get it, and Leslie went with me. We went to the hospital at UPENN. The radiation team was wonderful. They were nice and I felt like I was in good hands with them. The hospital, on the other hand, was terrible. First of all, it must have been designed by the person who designed the Winchester mansion. There were elevators that went to certain floors but not others, corridors that lead to no man's land, and very dismal waiting areas. Once I received the radiation, which took about 30 minutes, we had to wait several hours before they had a room ready for me. It must have been 7 PM before we got into the room, and they were still preparing it. By preparing, I mean wrapping it in plastic. Yeah, the Saran Wrap kind. EVERYTHING was wrapped... the bed rails, phone, TV remote, tray table, toilet seat and handles, light switches, faucet. Even the floor was covered in entirety with large sheets of plastic, which made it very slick. They also wrapped three large metal sheets in plastic and placed them beside and at the foot of my bed. I was in a plastic fortress. It was difficult to operate the volume dial on the TV remote through the plastic, and when I made a phone call, the person on the other end said "What's that rustling?" I decided to just use my cell. Before anyone entered the room, they had to put some booties on over their shoes, and when they left the room, they had to throw them away. We found it very strange that I was allowed to meander about the hospital all day after receiving my dose, but that they took all these precautions in my room. The whole thing seemed really wasteful to me.

To make matters worse, the TV only had 3 channels, and only one of those was watchable, and I use that term loosely. I had the Weather Channel, which is good for about 10 minutes. Then there was CNN Headline News. After seeing the same story about a new Kevin Costner movie for the fourth time in an hour, I settled on my third channel... ABC Family. I watched The Sound of Music because that's all that was on. They ran an ad during the movie that said the same movie would be played the next night and the night after that. Three nights in a row of the same thing. I felt sorry for anyone staying in the hospital more than one night. For a fee of $8 you could get more channels, but I thought that was ridiculous and did my crossword puzzle instead. Strike 1 for the TV stations.

The food at the hospital was very bad. I asked the nurse for a menu, and he had a strange look on his face. He brought me one, but there was essentially only one choice for a meal, and you could select your own drink. I circled what I wanted. That was around 6:30 AM. My food didn't arrive until after 8 AM, and it was not what was on the menu. They brought me two boxes of cereal and milk. I don't drink cow's milk but at this point I was starving, so I ate it. About 30 minutes later, they bring in another breakfast. I didn't touch it because I had already eaten. It looked gross anyway. At lunch they brought some chicken and pasta that was tolerable, but they gave me ice tea in a carton. It was disgusting. The food was strike 2.

I should have been gone way before lunch... around 7 AM, the radiation guy came in and checked my levels. He said they were good and left. The doctor came in at 8 AM and said I could leave. YAY! About an hour later I called the nurse and asked if I could be discharged. She said we were waiting for the radiation safety team to come before I could go. I told her that the guy had already been in that morning and she said "Oh, no, no, no... only the doctor was here." Oh yeah? Were you in the room? She proceeded to tell me that I couldn't leave until they came back. I asked if she could take my IV out and she said she would do that before I left. All right.

So a couple more hours go by, and I'm sitting there watching crappy shows on ABC Family and eating my crappy lunch on my crappy bed in my plastic room. I really, really wanted out of there. Leslie suggested that I call the doctor, so I left him a message. I must have paged the nurse three times to ask what the hold up was. Finally, she came back and said I could go... the radiation team had already been there. Noooooo, really? By then it was 1 PM. Strike three!

The nurse gave me a little purple and yellow flower since it was Easter weekend. Some charity group was handing them out to patients. It was a pain to carry it with my bag and purse, but I did. While sitting in the taxi on the way to the hotel I noticed the flower was fake. Good grief. I would have ditched it somewhere in the hospital if I had realized that before. Oh well, I don't know how I would have gotten it on the plane anyway.

I was exhausted after two nights in a row with little sleep, but I couldn't be in Philly and not get out to see it. Leslie and I went to Reading Market, which she discovered was right behind our hotel. We walked to Independence Hall and then got on a trolley tour that took us around to lots of sites. We saw Ben Franklin's grave, Betsy Ross's house, the art museum (home of the Rocky steps... "it's the eye of the tiger"), and lots of other stuff. There was a Rodin museum that I would love to go back and visit. The Thinker was right out front, and The Gates of Hell were behind that. Sweeeeeet. I wrote a paper on The Gates of Hell once.

All around Philly are interesting statues and sculptures, including Robert Indiana's LOVE sculpture (which is replicated everywhere), some Claes Oldenburg, Calder, and even some stuff done by actor Kevin Bacon's dad. I read about Robert Indiana and found that he was born in New Castle, just a 25 minute drive from my home town of Rushville.

I'm glad we had the chance to get out and see some sites in Philly, however brief it was. I have a lot of people to thank too... James and my mom for watching the kids, Leslie for going with me, Kim for the hotel and airline deals, Michele for letting me stay at her house, Michelle for keeping me company and bringing movies, Ji for coming to visit, and everyone else for moral support!

I will be going back to Bethesda in May to have follow-up scans. Keep your fingers crossed that these things are shrinking!

2008-01-31T23:02:00.001-05:00

People Are Strange

My first job was at a little coffee and donut shop called Mr. Freshie in my home town of Rushville, Indiana. I started working there when I was 15. My cousin, Julie, had decided to quit working there, and she called to see if I wanted the job. It was pretty fun... my duties were waiting on customers, keeping the coffee brewed, washing dishes, and general clean-up. After my initial training, I worked weekends, and I ran the place by myself 2-3 nights per week. Sometimes I would ice donuts if we ran out, and when I was bored I liked to fill donut holes with filling. Yummy! I did a commercial for them on the local radio station for my radio class. I remember saying "Come down to Mr. Freshie to hear all the latest gossip." I made $3 an hour, and I got meager tips. I mean, how much tip is someone going to leave if their bill is 85 cents? I was lucky to get a dime, and quarters were like gold.

The shop was rather small and was always full of people on the weekends. There was a constant cloud of cigarette smoke hanging in the air. I used to joke that we sold "smoked donuts". The donuts were actually really good. A couple of the popular items were nutsticks and flat cinnamon rolls with caramel icing.

Like any small town coffee shop, we had our regular customers, and man, were they ever characters. Here are some of the people I remember most. I'm using first names only, but if you're from Rushville, you'll probably know who I'm talking about.

Coke
There was a gas station next to Mr. Freshie, and Coke was an old man with a white beard who lived in a car behind that gas station. When I went out back to take out the trash or get supplies from the shed, I could see his TV antenna sticking up over the fence. He rode a bike around town. I guess he either didn't have a license or his "house" wasn't drivable. He was quite the entrepreneur. In his mind, he owned a fleet of helicopters and who knows what else. He would sit in the donut shop and tell tall tales of his adventures. My step-dad recently told me that he was in there one day when I was working (this was way before he was my step-dad) and Coke was talking about running off to Hawaii and taking me with him. You could never take him seriously...

Merriam
Almost every night you could count on Merriam to come in, and she would stay until closing. I don't think she lived in Rushville, so she would drive from out of town just to hang out in the donut shop. She was quite a paradox. The story was that she had not taken a bath since her husband died many years before. I believe that was true. The stench that came from her would knock you over. She had holes in her shoes, no socks, always wore the same clothes, and her hair, which was long and grey, was in a gigantic tangled mess on the side of her head. Really, it looked like a rat's nest. I don't think any amount of combing would have gotten through it. She was very intelligent though, and I enjoyed talking to her. I learned to block out the smell. The ironic thing about her was that as I did my nightly cleaning, she would point out the spots I missed on the counter or floor, even the tiniest little crumb. She would move the gumball machine so that I could sweep and mop behind it, and she would straighten the doormat if I laid it down even the least bit crooked. She would watch me lock the doors before she left. I never could understand why she was so picky about that stuff but refused to clean herself up.

Phyllis
Phyllis stopped in every now and then. She drove a huge gold car. I'm not sure if she lived in it or just liked to sit in it. I would frequently see her around town just sitting in her car. She was heavy set, had horn rimmed glasses that made her eyes look huge, wore lots of blue eye shadow, and had brassy hair (a wig) that was in a similar style to a beehive. She seemed a little off her rocker too. One night friends and I saw her at Village Pantry, and she said she was hiding in her car because "that thing keeps following me" and pointed to the moon. Oooookay.

Robin
This girl was a trip. She was young and rather attractive (aside from the smeared lipstick), but she had fried her brain on drugs. She would come in on Saturday or Sunday and order a donut and milk for herself, and also a donut and milk for her imaginary friend. She would set the extra donut and milk across from her in a booth and proceed to have a conversation with the invisible person. When she was done, she would throw it all away. I always had the stereo on while I was working, and one day while she was there, the song "She Talks To Angels" by The Black Crowes came on (how appropriate). Robin jumped up and said "I love this song!". She came around behind the counter and cranked up the volume on the stereo. The other customers looked around to see what was going on, and I just shrugged. Robin began dancing around the shop, her broomstick skirt flowing around her as she twirled. When the song was over she sat back down, and I turned down the volume. One of the regulars came up after she left and said "That was a little odd, huh?". I heard later that she was killed by a semi while walking down the highway. What a tragic end for her.

Roy
Every other Sunday, some mentally handicapped people were released from their institution (a house on Main Street), and they headed down to Kroger and Mr. Freshie. Roy always wore an old brown suit that appeared to be from the 60's or 70's. I couldn't quite understand most of what he said. Thankfully, he always ordered the same thing. When I gave him his change, he would tell me to hold out my hand. He would take a penny (yes, one penny) and push it into my palm for a full 30 seconds to a minute while he told me not to spend it all in once place. Um, yeah, I'll be sure not to do that.

I eventually quit working at the donut shop and went to McDonald's because they paid a dollar more an hour. McD's wasn't half as entertaining. Unfortunately, Mr. Freshie is closed now. It's up for sale along with the recipe for the donuts. Maybe someone will reopen it someday...and whole new set of characters will flock to it.

2008-01-20T21:46:00.000-05:00

Hippity Hoppity Home

Last Monday it was snowing. The falling snow at twilight was beautiful, and it was a fitting tribute to our snow white bunny. After 14 or so long years of life, he passed away around 5 PM. His name was Bunner.

Bunner loved carrots and apples. He loved to hop around in the backyard and nibble on my flowers. He also loved digging in the dirt, which earned him the nickname "Dirty White Bun". We will miss seeing his bright white figure against the green grass in the spring. He was always excited to go outside after a long winter indoors. In his younger days, he would jump with all four feet in the air. You could almost here a "boing!" when he did that.

It is almost unheard of for a rabbit live 14 years. At the end, he had cataracts and was mostly blind. He had a mass on his chest. He may have had kidney failure. His condition rapidly worsened until he didn't bother getting up and stopped eating and drinking. We knew it was time. The vet said that the one good thing he had was his choppers. He had great teeth for an elderly bun.

We will certainly miss our Dirty White Bun!

2007-11-14T22:38:00.000-05:00

My Really Weird Day

Last Saturday my coworkers had a baby shower for me and another coworker who just had a son. It was a great time... lots of food and gifts! However... on my way to the party, I was waiting to turn right onto Allisonville Road from 82nd Street. As soon as I turned there was a cop flagging me down. I didn't know what I did wrong... turns out I turned right on red during the time when you are not supposed to. I have turned there a million times and I always thought that the no turn on red applied to weekdays only. Anyway, he gave me a 150 DOLLAR ticket. UGH. Pregnancy hormones are at their all time high right now, so as I drive away I start to cry. Great, now I look wonderful for the party.

After the party, I'm driving down Eller Road towards Allisonville. I go through a four way stop and guess what? Sirens! I am pulled over AGAIN. The cop asks me if I've ever been pulled over before. Uhm, yes, about 3 hours ago. Apparently this time I rolled through a stop sign. My emotions went overboard, and by the time she got back to my car I was crying again. I think she took pity on me. She asked me when I was due. She told me to be more careful and let me go, but I continued crying until I got home. Gees, what is up with that?

I have never been pulled over twice in one day. When I got home, I had just calmed myself down when I spilled a full glass of orange soda down my front and all over the floor. It even went in my shoes. Tears welled up in my eyes again, but I didn't have a full on cry this time.

Between the back pain, the medication I'm taking (which makes me want to pass out all the time), and my awkward clumsiness from being so hugely pregnant, I think I might go insane before this baby is out.

2007-10-27T19:54:00.000-04:00

SNL - Livin' on a Prayer

Last weekend's SNL was hosted by Jon Bon Jovi, and the musical guest was Foo Fighters. I was really annoyed that Bon Jovi played twice during the show (during the monologue and at the end), and the Foo Fighters only played one song. WTF? I'd rather hear the Foo Fighters any day over Bon Jovi's mediocre folk-rock. If they had done a GOOD song, it might have been OK. I admit I was a Bon Jovi fan back in the day, but the crap they put out now is just plain bad. A couple of the skits made me laugh... the one where Jon was being criticized by the band for wanting to name it Bon Jovi was pretty good. It was kind of strange that they went out on the band playing rather than the usual closing where everyone is on stage hugging and waving goodbye. Weird. They really need to get Tina Fey back. The show has sucked since she left.

2007-10-04T21:24:00.000-04:00

Another Year Older

I turned 34 yesterday... I'm almost out of that 18-34 age group that people market things to. I guess time marches on, no matter what!

Last week James and I went to Washington DC for "Pheochromocytoma 2007", a conference all about my condition. It was awesome! Not only did I get to talk to doctors and top researchers in the field, but I got to swap war stories with people who have the same condition I do. WOW. Up until then I had only met one person who gets these tumors too. There was a whole room of them! We also managed to site see a little. I know there are bad parts around DC, but I never saw any. Many of the houses were Colonial style, and I loved them. Driving down George Washington Parkway was just gorgeous. The leaves were just barely starting to change. I'd love to see it two to three weeks from now.

It was a challenge walking around DC while 7 months pregnant. I had no problems flying, which was something that worried James. Walking a lot wears me out though. I did my best!

My blogs always include something about music. I guess that's because I'm always listening to music... at my desk, in the car, at home. James got two CD's for me for my birthday (and a Zelda game for the DS)... "Born Into This" by The Cult, and "Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace" by the Foo Fighters. I really like both of them. I'm excited that The Cult is BACK! They are coming to the Murat Theatre in November, and I'm going... I don't care if I have to give birth on the floor of the Egyptian Room. I can't miss it!

2007-09-17T10:50:00.000-04:00

More Life Updates

The weather is finally cooling down... yay! I have been so HOT this summer with my baby furnace. Twenty-eight weeks now. He will be born in 11 short weeks! Which also means that Christmas is right around the corner. I need to start shopping before I get too whale-like.

James and I are getting ready to go to DC next week for a conference all about my tumors. I hope to find out about the latest research and meet other people with my condition. It's so rare... I know one other person in Indiana who has the same tumors I do, but her genetic mutation is different than mine. Still, we stay in touch. I can't imagine being in the same room with so many other "rarities". I'm also looking forward to site seeing a little. I want to see the Lincoln Memorial and Washington Monument since this will be my first trip to DC.

I've been slowly getting ready for the baby. We got new furniture for Tess and relocated her crib to the baby's room, which is still full of "stuff" that I have to shove somewhere in the house. We really, really need a basement in our next house. I managed to find some cute baby boy items (girl clothes are SO much cuter). We are still not certain on his name, and I still don't know what I want to hang on the walls in his room. For Tess, I painted picture frames (with Beatrix Potter prints in them) and wooden letters that spell her name, so I would like to do something equally special for this baby. Any ideas, anyone? I don't care for the matching bedding and all that junk. Especially since babies can't use blankets or comforters in their crib, and those bumpers they sell are not at all necessary.

My laptop's hard drive decided to die last week, so that has really set me back at work. I have a ton of stuff to do to prepare for maternity leave. Just figures.

Oh yeah, Michelle W., my mom, and I met Crowded House last month in Ann Arbor! It was an excellent concert... definitely worth the drive. Neil Finn came out, as well as Nick, Marcus, and Matt (their "new" drummer). Why are musicians always so short? My mom was funny... she has a habit of constantly making lists in a little notebook she carries around. She handed it to Neil along with her ticket stub, and he signed them both. Made me laugh that he signed her little notepad.

I was recently on the radio... yeah, WKLU played my Ultimate Top Ten! It was weird hearing myself on the radio, especially with my voice the way it is. They are sending me a CD of it, so I'll try to put it online for those who missed it.

Speaking of my voice, hopefully it will be much improved soon. My ENT doctor can do a procedure where he moves the paralyzed vocal cord over towards the good side. I will be awake for the whole thing even though it involves making an incision in my neck. I don't really care if the end result means I can talk in restaurants again.

That's all for now... hope to see all of you this fall sometime!

2007-08-09T16:48:00.000-04:00

Stuff, Updates, Whatever

I haven't posted a blog in quite awhile. So, what's new with me? Well, 2007 is turning out to be a big year for concerts. James and I went to the Rocco DeLuca & The Burden show at The Vogue, which was awesome. As we were leaving, Rocco and some band members were standing out back. I have met a lot of musicians, and I have never seen a band come out that fast to greet fans! I seemed to be the only one at first, though. The two percussionists greeted me first, and they grabbed Rocco for me. He was VERY nice. I told him that the baby enjoyed the show too (it's now obvious by looking at me that I'm pregnant).

I also saw Cowboy Junkies with Michele S. They were good, but I only recognized one song out of two hours worth. I wished they had done "Miles From Our Home".

Last weekend, Michelle W. and I saw Live and Collective Soul at Victory Field. We agreed that Counting Crows blows, so we left before they took the stage. Live was excellent (they always are), but we wished they could have played longer... especially given the price we paid for tickets.

Next up, Crowded House in Michigan. I'm looking forward to that because not only is it a road trip, but it's two days off from work. Woo hoo!

I tried to get VIP tickets to Tori Amos, but the %*$& things sold out within one minute! So much for that. Now I'll have to wait for the general on-sale and have crappy seats like the last two times I saw her. Oh well.

I am sad that the Harry Potter series is over now. I just love the books. I will miss reading new ones, but I look forward to reading them with my daughter when she's older.

I'm now 22 weeks pregnant. The baby will be born December 3, so I have just over 3.5 months left. And did I mention it's a boy? I'm very excited about it, but it's pretty certain that I have another tumor somewhere, so after I have him it's going to be a very stressful time. I'll have to have scans and possibly surgery again. With a newborn baby, that's going to be difficult. Plus I'm adament about breastfeeding, so I'm going to have to pump when I'm full of pain meds or radiation from scans. That will be frustrating.

Speaking of pain... I try not to worry about every little pain I have, but some of the pain is persistent. My left leg is especially bad. I can't take anything but Tylenol, which doesn't do much. I just try to grin and bear it... which is harder than it sounds. But, like Maya Angelou said "I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one." So, I'm counting the days until I can get this stuff resolved and get on with my life.

Oh yeah, and I've been playing a lot of video games... probably to take my mind off of pain. Guitar Hero 80's, Harry Potter, and NY Times Crossword are my games of choice lately.

Other than that, it's business as usual... working and taking care of Tess, who is so tall now... I cannot believe it! No one believes she is only 2 1/2. She's an awesome kid. I hope the next one is too!

2007-05-10T22:01:00.000-04:00

I Met Loreena!

Last week my best bud Leslie and I took a road trip to Michigan to attend two Loreena McKennitt concerts. The concerts were absolutely awesome! Loreena sounds so good live... it was better than I expected. The first show was in Ann Arbor, which was a pleasant college town. Lots of coffee shops and bookstores were around the theatre. We were in the 4th row... excellent seats. The weather was perfect, so after the show we waited by the bus. We talked to some of the musicians who played with Loreena, and then she came out. She was very nice and gracious when we told her how great the show was. She signed our CD's, shook our hands, and gave us hugs. I was really excited because her music has truly helped me get through tough times (besides the fact that I just love it), like dealing with metastatic disease and the death of my beloved pet.

We stayed at the Vitosha Guest Haus in Ann Arbor, which was a very cool old place with a very kooky lady running it. She was quite eccentric. The bathroom had a clawfoot tub, so I HAD to take a bath in it. Then we were off to IKEA for heavy duty shopping. After that, we drove about an hour and 45 minutes to Kalamazoo, a place I will never visit again if I can help it.

Kalamazoo was dirty, dark (not in a good way), and deserted. The theatre where Loreena played was very ornate, and we were in the FRONT ROW (!!!), but we couldn't find any coffee in the downtown, and the whole area just wasn't happening. The show was excellent, of course, and Loreena talked a lot more than the night before. She also changed two of the songs from the previous night's lineup, so we didn't have to hear two identical concerts (not that I would have minded). After the show we drove and drove and drove looking for somewhere to eat. The town was practically shut down... stuff was too far from the exits to see, and when you finally got to it, it was closed. We finally found an IHOP. Turns out there was a Perkins less than 1/4 mile away from our hotel, but what can you do.

The next day we were eating breakfast at the hotel and a guy walked in who looked kind of familiar... turns out he was sitting right next to me in the front row the night before. He drove from Ohio and was by himself. It was pretty funny that he happened to be in the same hotel.

I'm so glad we went to both shows... I was afraid that if I sold the tickets to one of them that the other would end up cancelled and I wouldn't see her at all. It was totally worth it!

2007-02-12T21:10:00.000-05:00

An Ancient Muse Live!

I love Loreena McKennitt's music, and today I got an email from her mailing list with presale passwords for all of her upcoming tour dates! Woo hoo! I immediately chose a city that was close (but not Chicago - too much traffic) and grabbed some tickets. I got 4th row right in the center! I have to drive to Ann Arbor, Michigan, but I don't care. I was willing to fly to see her in concert if I had to.

I am such a huge fan that now I am contemplating getting tickets for the following night in Kalamazoo. Two nights of live Loreena... wow, that would be awesome! I have wanted to see her live for a long time. I'm so excited!!!

2007-02-06T23:40:00.000-05:00

Give Me A Break

Sometimes you just get fed up with stuff and have to vent. This is one of those times. Over the past 3 months, I've been recovering from two surgeries... first the partial hip replacement on 11/3/06. Yeah, it hurt like hell (still does), but I dealt with it. Then came the neck surgery on 12/12/06... much worse! Recovery from that was absolute hell, and I'm left with permanent effects from it. Right after I got home from the hospital, I came down with some kind of upper respiratory virus, so I was coughing and hacking constantly with my swollen neck and sore incision. Since my nerves were damaged during surgery, I couldn't swallow very well, so I couldn't take pills or drink liquids. I was pretty much screwed. Finally I went to the doctor and got some antibiotics, which I had to break into tiny pieces in order to swallow. I got over that crud after about three weeks.

Shortly after that, I went back to work, and on my very first day back, I came down with the flu. I didn't fully recover from that until about two weeks later, when my nagging cough finally seemed to stop. Less than a week later? I woke up with my sinuses packed to capacity and my throat sore AGAIN. My throat has been sore and bumpy pretty much non-stop over the last six weeks. My voice sounds terrible... like I have laryngitis. It has been weak since my surgery. It really makes me want to scream, but I can't!

I also have continued, sharp pain in my left leg and sometimes in my right too. Who knows what that is from? If I count all the symptoms I had prior to my surgeries, I've pretty much been in pain constantly for the last two years.

I don't think I've ever been this sick in my life... my body is trying to recover from two surgeries, but it can't get the chance for all the bacterial and viral infections. I like winter, but I really want it to be spring so I can get out of the "sick" season!

I just want to be well. I don't think it's too much to ask. I want to live my life normally... Please, all I ask is GIVE ME A BREAK!

2007-01-06T15:48:00.000-05:00

I'm a Guitar Hero

So we were at Best Buy the other night, and they had a display with Guitar Hero 2 setup. Some people were trying to play a song, and it was making me laugh because they were missing notes like crazy and were kicked out of the song. So, I picked up the "guitar", set the level to HARD and started up "War Pigs". Now, we had just left a Mexican restaurant where I drank this HUGE and STRONG margarita, so I was tipsy, and I had not played Guitar Hero in several weeks. I wasn't even playing at my best, but due to the alcohol, I was in the zone. I finished the song, and when I turned around I was shocked to see a huge group of people that had been standing there watching me! I set the guitar down, and a guy picked it up and said "That was the hottest thing I've ever seen" and winked at me. Hahaha... I love that game.

2007-01-02T13:43:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year

2006 is history, and I say good riddance! It was a hard year. I went through two surgeries for tumors that were discovered during the summer. Now I'm left with a little nerve damage and a persistently aching hip. I'm still in the recovery period, so hopefully these things will resolve.

I hope in 2007 that I can stay healthy. So far, it's questionable. My blood pressure is fluctuating again, and that is not good news. We'll see what happens.

On the brighter side of life, Tess is growing up, and she's a great child. She's smart, cute, and funny. I'm sure this year will be an exciting period of growth for her. She's turning two very soon, and she's learning more each day.

Work is just work but right now I'm not thinking about it. I'm off for awhile longer while I recover from surgery.

I plan to do more work on our house this year, if I'm healthy enough to do so. We want to put down hardwood flooring. We also have some plumbing issues to fix, and maybe I'll finally get around to painting the master bedroom. We'd also like to take a vacation because we haven't been anywhere in a long while. My vacation time at work has been consumed by maternity and medical leaves over the last two years. Perhaps this year I will finally be able to use it to travel somewhere.

Happy New Year to all my friends and family! May it be a healthy one for you as well!

2006-11-27T14:30:00.000-05:00

The Santa Claus Conspiracy

Warning... Spoiler ahead! If you still believe in Santa, stop reading.

After much discussion on the topic, James and I have agreed not to perpetuate the Santa Claus myth with Tess. It was a hard decision for me, because I have fond memories of setting out cookies and milk for Santa, and reading the note that "he" left in the morning. It was always fun to wonder if I would wake up and catch him, and the anticipation of his arrival was always exciting. However, I remember when I found out that he wasn't real. I think I was around 5 when my cousin found all her gifts in my grandma's house and showed them to me. I questioned my mom, and she explained that indeed, Santa is not real, but there used to be a man (Saint Nick) who delivered presents to children, and Santa is based on that man. I felt really silly for believing in a man who supposedly lives at the North Pole with elves, came down our chimney every Christmas, and somehow made it around the world to every kid in one night... Hmmmmm.

I believe the magic of Christmas and the spirit of giving that Santa represents can still be celebrated and experienced even if a child knows the truth about Santa. Right now Tess doesn't have a clue about Santa or Christmas. She just knows that there is a tree in the house with many shiny things to grab. When she is old enough to understand, I will explain to her that long ago in Europe there was a man named Saint Nick, and he delivered presents to less fortunate children. He represents the spirit of giving, so mommy and daddy buy presents for you in his honor. And don't tell your friends because mommy doesn't want phone calls from angry parents!

2006-11-22T11:50:00.000-05:00

Ten Things I'm Thankful For

Every Thanksgiving I try to take time to think about the many blessings in my life.

1. First and foremost, I am here and able to write this! Given my recent surgery (see prior posts) and another surgery that I will be having soon, I am thankful for the doctors who are taking care of me, and I'm thankful for having at least MOST of my health!

2. Of course, I'm thankful for my husband and daughter. James always makes me laugh, and Tess brings more joy to my life than I ever expected.

3. I'm thankful for my friends and family. They have helped me get through this year by lending an ear, sending cards and flowers, bringing food, helping me clean, watching Tess, and just being there if I need them! Thank you Leslie, Ji, Michelle, Kim, and everyone! There are too many of you to list! My mom stayed at my house for 5 days after my surgery, and that was a huge help. Thank you, mom!

4. I am thankful for my house, car, and all the "necessities" that so many people do without.

5. Music and my car stereo that plays MP3's. I can't imagine my life without music!

6. Starbucks! Coffee gets me through the day... whatever did I do before grande vanilla non-fat lattes?

7. Nature. I'm thankful for the moon, stars, trees, grass, flowers, rain, and the crunch of leaves when you step outside. Glittering snow at midnight when everything is silent. Squirrels running across my fence. The stray black cat that peers in my back door at night.

8. Good food, beer, and wine. Enough said.

9. I'm thankful to have a boss that lets me show up to work when I want, lets me work from home, and trusts me to do my work. It's so much easier to do your job when you have a good boss.

10. The Internet. It helps keep me connected to my friends, provides hours of entertainment, and it even pays my bills (sort of)!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

2006-10-31T11:30:00.000-05:00

Trick or Treat

I wish I could be more in the spooky spirit this year, but I haven't even carved my pumpkin yet, and it's Halloween today! Tomorrow I'm going to be checked into the hospital, and on Friday I will undergo a partial hip replacement to take care of the tumor in my hip bone (femoral head). I don't feel particulary nervous about this procedure. It is very routine. It is a bit riskier for me than for other people who have the same procedure since my tumor is "special". It releases a lot of junk into my body that causes high blood pressure (among other things). So, when they remove the tumor, my blood pressure could plummet. I've been taking medication over the last couple of weeks that has lowered my blood pressure sufficiently, so hopefully that will help avoid a blood pressure crisis.

Sometime soon, when I'm recovered from the hip ordeal, I will have surgery to remove the tumor in my neck. They still do not know what this tumor is. I had a painful procedure a few weeks ago called an arteriogram where they inserted a camera into my femoral artery (near the groin) and ran it up to my neck in order to get a better look at the tumor. They injected dye while they took pictures, which made my face and neck feel hot. They gave me versed during the procedure (a local anesthetic), but it didn't work very well. It hurt when they numbed the area, punctured the artery, and when they put pressure on it afterwards. I remember every detail even though they said I would be fuzzy. I don't think I had enough versed! Unfortunately, I have to have the procedure done again before I have surgery so that they can embolize the tumor, which means they will insert plugs into the arteries that surround the tumor. That will cut off blood supply to the tumor and help with blood loss during surgery. I'm more nervous about this one because, let's face it, the thought of having surgery on the main artery that supplies blood to your brain is a little less than pleasant.

Fortunately, I have excellent doctors. Starting with the cardiologist who found the tumors, I have had a fairly quick turnaround in comparison to other experiences I've heard about (even though at times it felt like an eternity to me). I also have a great group of friends, co-workers, and family who have all been supporting me. Thank you all! Have a great Halloween... I'm going to do surgery on my pumpkin now!

2006-10-31T11:21:00.000-05:00

Old Docs

I was going through some old documents today, and I found this passage. I don't remember when I wrote it.

...So she waved to her friends. "Have a great time!" she shouted, as they handed their boarding passes to the attendant. She turned and spotted a coffee bar, where she could drown her sadness in a cup of foamy paradise.
"It's ok", she thought, "I would love to ride the tube, and stop by a corner pub for a cider after a day at the British Museum. I'd love to walk by the Thames at twilight and see the beautiful stained glass at St. Paul's. The mums should be in full bloom at Hyde Park... but I'll get to see all their pictures."
"Tall vanilla latte!" said the barista, "Ma'am... Ma'am, did you order a latte?"
"Oh, yes... thanks."
She picked up her drink, wiped a tear from her eye, and smiled as the plane silently moved past the terminal window.

2006-10-03T11:36:00.000-04:00

Updates

Well, another birthday has rolled around, but it doesn't feel like my birthday. I'm 33 today, and I'm facing major surgery soon. The type of tumor that I had removed when I was 18 has returned. It's called pheochromocytoma, and this time it's in the top of my femur (yeah, actually inside the bone). They found this tumor by doing an MIBG scan, which involved injecting me with radioactive iodine, and that caused the tumor to light up. I also had a CT scan, and they found a near golf ball sized tumor on the carotid artery in my neck. Pretty scary stuff.

I've already seen an orthopaedic surgeon about my hip, and he suggested a partial hip replacement. They will replace the ball in the ball and socket joint with a metal implant (We are Borg. Resistance is futile.). That will take care of the tumor, but in 20 years or so I'll have to get it done again because the replacement will wear out. I guess that's OK as long as the tumor can be removed. I couldn't believe it when he said the procedure only takes 45 minutes!

Today I'll be seeing a vascular surgeon about my neck. After that I will hopefully have a better idea about when my surgery (or surgeries) will be. They are not sure what type of mass this one is. It may or may not be the same type of tumor as the one in my bone. Since it didn't light up on the MIBG scan, it could be just a benign mass. We'll see. Physically, I feel OK other than throbbing pain in my hip and leg.

When life presents you with unexpected illness, you really put things into perspective. I'm trying to stay busy so that I don't have to dwell on things. I have painted the kitchen/living room ceiling, spray painted our light post, installed a new mailbox, and baked cupcakes. I'm making every effort to stay positive and enjoy spending time with family and friends.

This morning my laptop decided to break. So, I'm borrowing a co-worker's laptop. It's hard to work without all my files and programs, but I have a lot on my mind anyway. Plus, it's my birthday, so I should take it easy, right?

On a happier note, Tess is talking more and more. She is 20 months old now. She counts to 10, knows at least some of her colors (yellow, green, and red), and says hello and bye-bye regularly. Last night she said kitty. I'm so excited! It'll be fun to communicate with her as she grows her vocabulary!

2006-08-14T12:59:00.000-04:00

Excursion to Ancient Egypt

Ok, I really went to Chicago to see the "Tutankhamun and the Golden Age of the Pharoahs" exhibit at the Field Museum with my friends Leslie and Michelle. It was very cool! Aside from the many people crowded around the artifacts, we had a great time. The Field Museum has an impressive collection of mummies and artifacts outside of the Tut exhibit. We also checked out the largest T-rex skeleton to be discovered (aka "Sue"), an exhibit on Africa, a full-scale Pawnee earth lodge, and the Nature Walk, where we managed to get lost right before we were due to enter the Tut exhibit. The Nature Walk included every animal you can imagine, stuffed and preserved for your viewing pleasure.

After the museum we drove to IKEA in Bolingbrook. Surprisingly, the choice of sit-down eateries in that area was slim. We ended up at Cheddars, which turned out to have pretty good food for the money.

IKEA is so much fun. Low, low prices for cool stuff! We were shopping for nearly two hours, and we filled our cart to the brim. I wish IKEA would build closer to Indy.

At 3am I was finally in bed, while visions of mummies danced in my head. I think next time I will plan to stay all night in Chicago. It was a fun day trip, but if we had stayed all night we might have been able to eat somewhere really unique, visit downtown, or spend more time by the water around the museum area.

2006-08-10T09:00:00.000-04:00

Music Mania

For some reason, I've been on a CD buying binge in the last couple of months. I guess I just needed some new (and old) stuff to listen to. It's certainly an interesting mix of stuff:

Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark (OMD) - Best Of
Electric Light Orchestra (ELO) - Best Of
School of Fish - self-titled
Sisters of Mercy - Vision Thing
Lightning Seeds - Best Of
Midnight Oil - Best Of
Matthew Sweet - Girlfriend
Toad the Wet Sprocket - Fear
Live - Songs From Black Mountain

I could have sworn that I had the Toad CD, but perhaps I was thinking of the cassette because I couldn't find the CD. I am really excited because I just learned that Loreena McKennitt is going to have a new album out this fall! It's been nine years since her last one, and I've been waiting!

2006-08-01T22:24:00.000-04:00

Life Goes On... Maybe for Ghosts Too

So I haven't had a lot to blog about lately. I've just been going about my life... working, taking care of Tess. She recently started a new daycare, which has been mildly stressful because she has to get used to going to a new place all over again. She takes her anger out on me. The first couple of days she hit me and pulled my hair when I picked her up. I found another in-home daycare (by referral), and it's a good place. I'm sure she'll get used to it. I do feel a little guilty because she stays longer now. I've been picking her up somewhere around 3:30.

Last weekend I stayed all night in a haunted house. It's an old house (built in 1858) called the Hannah House. There are a few stories about the house that involve people burning to death in the basement (and being buried under the basement floor), a stillborn baby, and an old woman dying in one of the bedrooms. So a group of us went there for the night to check out the house and do a bit of ghost hunting.

The first few hours were the scariest. I had some very creepy sensations in the basement and in the attic. The curators of the house had turned out all the lights, so the only light in the house was from flashlights, bathroom lights, and faint outdoor lights. The darkness alone was enough to elicit creepy feelings. I mean, I would probably get creeped out sitting in the dark in my own house after awhile.

In the dining room, someone had set up a monitor connected to four cameras in the house. It was very interesting to watch what they were picking up. I saw several fuzzy spheres drift by the camera lense, especially in the upstairs stairwell. Someone said they were dust particles, but they seemed to move too fast to be dust. Plus, I never saw more than one at a time. They moved almost as if they had a destination in mind.

A guy who may have had some psychic abilities showed up around midnight, and the night took on a different tone from there. He took groups of us around the house. This time, I didn't feel any creepiness at all in the attic. He took it upon himself to "read" some of us in the group, and for some reason he liked picking on me. It was OK. Some of the stuff he said made sense to me and other stuff didn't. So be it. I really just wanted some ghostly experiences.

In the very early AM hours, some of us were sitting in the basement, again in the dark. The psychic was using a pendulum to communicate with spirits. I had brought a Ouija board, but some people didn't want to use it without the "proper methods", which I guess involves six candles, a Bible, and a blessing (?). Whatever... I didn't argue and took it back to the car. One of the first comments the psychic made when he arrived was "What I wanna know is who had a Ouija board in here." He warned us about using it in this house... not a good idea. So, I don't understand what the difference is between communicating with spirits with a board manufactured by Parker Brothers (those evil Parker Brothers!) and a pendulum. Oh well, I didn't ask.

In the basement there were shelves along one wall that were lined with many jars of century old fruits and vegetables. These jars had been canned sometime around the turn of the century (1900), and trust me, they looked like it (gross!). Apparently, anytime someone attempts to move the jars, ghostly activity increases in the house, and one person was even physically pushed back from the jars. As we were sitting there in the basement, asking questions of a spirit and watching the pendulum answer yes or no by swinging in a circle or back and forth, someone asked a question and POP! One of jars' lids popped as if it had been opened. That was rather bizarre... everyone jumped, and I have to admit it was odd timing that a jar sitting there for 100 years would suddenly pop open.

After that, it started to get light outside, and we left the house. Overall, it was a great time. The event could have been a little more organized. More ghost hunting and less psychic readings perhaps. Oh yeah, and it was hotter than hell because they didn't have the air conditioning on. Other than that, it was fun, and a bit creepy too. I would do it again in the flutter of a heartbeat.

Click Here to view my pictures.

2006-06-19T20:42:00.000-04:00

Orange Barrel Blues

Road construction is a bane to my existence these days. Everywhere I need to go, there are barrels. 116th street is being widened to four lanes right in front of Telamon, and it is a total mess there. The road is closed when you're coming in from the east, so I have to take a detour down Westfield to 111th to College...basically going around the closure and approaching from the west. Only employees can get in there, and we're basically off roading on a dirt trail that winds around various huge stone things and construction equipment. 69 North is also under construction between 96th street and 37 North, and traffic just crawls along in the morning. It now takes me an hour to drop Tess off at daycare and get to work. I'm only in the office for a whopping four hours (sometimes less), and then I spend another hour and 15 minutes getting back to the daycare and then going home. With the lunch rush and the detour around the road closure, it is impossible to get out of Carmel in a timely manner.

The worst part is that summer hasn't even started yet... we'll be seeing those barrels for a long freaking time.

2006-06-19T20:27:00.000-04:00

Slippin', Slidin', Bellydancing, and Cat Herding: What a Weekend!

James and I went to an indoor water park this past weekend (at the Holiday Inn in front of the Pyramids in Indy) for our anniversary, which is June 21. They had three water slides that were so much fun! One of them required an inner tube, and the other two were just crazy fast.

For dinner, we went to El Morocco (86th & Ditch). We sat on cushions at a low table, and the atmosphere was very cool. The food was delicious, and while we ate, we were entertained by bellydancers. That place is awesome! I can't wait to go back. After we were loaded up on sangria and food, we got back into the water and went down the slides several more times. I think the slides are less scary and more fun in general when you're a little tipsy.

Sunday was Father's Day, so I went to see my dad in Rush-tucky. We spent part of the evening trying to capture 4 feral kittens. I managed to grab one of them, but the other three are still on the loose. The one we nabbed was very cute... and it now has a home with my step-sister. The whole experience reminded me of that commercial from a few years ago where cowboys were herding cats. Meeeeeow!

2006-06-16T14:09:00.000-04:00

Rock Star Moment

Last night I met Glen Phillips (lead singer of Toad the Wet Sprocket and solo artist) in Broadripple before the Toad concert! My friend Michele and I were going to get something to eat, and Glen walked by and started to cross the street... I ran up to the corner, ran across the street, and stopped him. I said "Are you Glen?" (yeah, dumb question... I was 98% certain it was him). He said "Yeah" with a half smile. I shook his hand, and he signed my Mr. Lemons CD. He was very nice. I apologized for stopping him on the street and told him I've wanted to meet him for years and years. He seemed flattered... and maybe a little shocked. I didn't see anyone else go up to him, so maybe he doesn't get recognized that often.

The concert was great. Toad did a lot of songs from "Coil", which is my favorite album by them.

2006-05-30T15:52:00.000-04:00

Another Chapter Ends

Tess is done nursing! I didn't plan it... in fact, the last time she nursed I didn't know it would be the last time. I nursed her Friday morning, before I went to the hospital to do a cardio test. At the hospital, they injected me with radiation so that they could photograph my heart. I had no idea going in that they would do that, but because of the radiation, I could not nurse Tess for at least 36 hours. They also told me to try to stay 4-6 feet away from her for that time. So, I figured with the three day weekend and the fact that I couldn't nurse her anyway, it might be a good time to stop.

Tess was a little cranky on Saturday and Sunday, but it was hard to tell if it was because she didn't get to nurse or for some other reason. She was in a very good mood on Monday, so I am now proclaiming her officially weaned.

I think it's harder on me than it is on her because I'm still producing. Until everything dries up it's a little uncomfortable. I cried a little on Saturday night as I rocked her to sleep, because I will miss the closeness that nursing brings. I won't miss the accidental biting or the times when she would keep hanging on even though there wasn't a drop left. I couldn't pry her off of there for anything.

It was all worth it, and I'm proud of myself for sticking with it for 16 months. I would do it all again, and in fact, I probably will when we have another baby.

2006-05-29T08:44:00.000-04:00

The Da Vinci Controversy

I was giving my daughter a bath recently, and I turned on the radio for a little bathtime music. The radio doesn't pick up many stations, and as I was flipping through, I heard someone talking about The Da Vinci Code. I stopped and listened, and it turned out to be a panel of priests (or other such people of "credibility" in the Catholic church) talking about the controversy surrounding the book and movie.

Some of the comments I heard (over splashing water and squeals of delight) were that people are questioning whether or not The Da Vinci Code is true, and the movie should be boycotted by Christians because it hurts the Catholic church's image (by the way, for the two people out there who haven't read it, the main premise is that Jesus was married to Mary Magdelene and they had a child, and the Catholic church has been keeping it a secret for centuries).

The thing that struck me as silly is that these people are worried about a fictional story making them look bad... uh, hello? It can't be any more humiliating than the large number of child molesting priests that have turned up. They also spent a great deal of time discussing their "proof" that Jesus was never married, and I had to ask myself... so what if he was? What does that really change? If anything, I think it would mean that Jesus was a living example of the thing he was always talking about: love. I mean, if he were a fisherman and a carpenter (aside from his "divine duties"), why is it so hard to believe that he could have been a husband and a father?

I have read the book, and I've seen the movie. I thought it was a good movie and a good representation of the book. People should take it for what it is: a fictional adventure story.

2006-05-15T16:37:00.000-04:00

Metal Mania

So May is Metal Month on VH1 Classics, and I'm not getting anything done because of it! I had a lot of programming to do over the weekend, but instead of working on it, I watched a Judas Priest concert Saturday night and the 100 Most Metal Moments on Sunday. Huh, who wants to work on a Saturday night anyway.

It's pretty funny to watch the old videos and see what the hair band rockers look like now. Yeah, I still like some of it. I like Judas Priest and AC/DC more now than I did back in the day. In fact, I used to hate AC/DC, but some of their guitar riffs rock. I've always liked Judas Priest, especially "Turbo Lover", but I've never owned any of their albums. I'm considering getting their new one though. Gotta bring my daughter up right, ya know? Actually, I try to expose her to many different musical genres... big band, classical, Celtic, rock, and jazz. The cable music channels come in handy for that.

2006-05-01T15:33:00.002-04:00

You Can't Stop Nature

For the past few springs, we've had at least one baby bunny nest in our yard. Today I was working at my kitchen table, and I noticed a big crow flying around near the nest that is currently in our backyard. I went out there to shoo it away, and I saw that the nest was empty. A bunny was lying nearby. It was still breathing, but it was on its back. I don't think that one will make it, but I put it back into the nest, which was empty. Then I saw another bunny that unfortunately was killed. I looked around some more, and I found three more bunnies hiding in the tall grass. I put them back into the nest. I hope I found them all. Poor things. I don't know what animal found them or if it is going to come back, but there is not much else I can do short of keeping an eye out for predators. If I cover the nest, the mother will not be able to get to the babies. I am not sure if she will continue to care for them now that the nest has been disturbed.

For anyone who has wild rabbits around their house, here are a few facts about them:

* Nests are generally located in the middle of a grassy area. They are not usually concealed by bushes or trees. The mother rabbit digs a shallow hole, births her babies there, and then covers the hole with her own fur. You can usually find the nest by looking for a mass of grey fur in the grass.

* The mother rabbit will visit her babies for only 5 minutes at a time once or twice a day/night. She will nurse them, replace the fur over the nest, and hop away. She does not stick around the nest because she does not want to attract predators. Many people find bunny nests and think that they have been abandoned because the mother is not around, but that is more than likely not the case. If the bunnies are warm, they are being cared for. Just leave the nest alone.

* You should handle the baby bunnies as little as possible, if at all. If you find them outside the nest, either they are old enough to leave the nest or something has disturbed the nest. A good rule to go by is that if the bunny lets you pick it up, it is not ready to be out of the nest. Gently place it back into the nest. If the bunny is scared of you and hops away, it is ready to venture out on its own.

2006-04-30T10:00:00.000-04:00

Whoa, Black Buddy, Bam-a-lam

	Two years ago today my cat, Rishi, aka Buddy, passed away. He was such a great cat. He loved to sit on my lap. If I were reading a magazine or newspaper, he would lie down right in the middle of it. He also loved plastic wrap.
When I bought a new CD or opened a candy cane, he would go crazy trying to get the plastic wrap from me. He had a strange fascination with banana peels. When I had a banana, he'd get in my lap and bat at the peel. He used to jump onto the kitchen counter and then to the top of the refrigerator just to hang out and watch me cook. Crazy cat. I still miss him. I lit a black candle for him today.

2006-03-27T08:40:00.000-05:00

Marching Towards Spring

March has not been fun. Tess started daycare at a large facility that I won't name here. In the first (and, as it turns out, only) week, she was scratched by another child, she fell of her her chair at lunch and hit her head on the table, and she became very sick. Her nose started running, so I figured she had a cold, but a couple of days later, she had a fever and began throwing up and having diarrhea. James and I also got bad colds. We dealt with it as best we could. One of us had to stay home from work with her because we couldn't take her back to the daycare in that condition. After four days of this, her temperature returned to normal, but we noticed that she was very fussy. I had been watching for the signs of dehydration, so when she cried and didn't have any tears, I knew it was time to go back to the doctor.

The doctor said that she was mildly dehydrated, and I should take her to the hospital to get a fluid IV. We stayed all night at Community North. Tess had an IV in her hand. I might as well have slept on the floor that night (would've been more comfortable than the pull out chair/bed thing that was in the room). After receiving the fluids, Tess felt much better. They ran a couple of tests and determined that she had the rotavirus. They said it is fairly common in daycare settings. She had not had a fever for a couple of days by this time, so the doctor said she was no longer contagious.

In the midst of all this, I also had a complicated project to do for work. It's really hard to concentrate when you're sick and caring for a sick child. My stress levels have been through the roof.

On a happy note, we started Tess with a new careperson who was recommended by friends, and I'm so glad we did. It's a home based daycare, so there are fewer kids, and it's a much more comfortable setting for Tess. She's still getting used to it, but I'm sure she'll be having fun there soon. There was no way I was going to take her back to the first daycare. Aside from the injuries and illness, Tess absolutely hated it there. I can accept that there is an adjustment period, and that she will cry for the first several days that I drop her off at a new place, but when I took her there, she would scream and cling to me. It was awful. After only a few hours there each day, the knees on her pants would be black with dirt, so I don't think it was very clean either.

Meanwhile, James and I are still getting over these nasty colds. My throat finally stopped hurting, but I have congestion that just won't quit. I can't smell anything. Amazing how much you rely on your sense of smell. I can't taste my food or tell if I've put too much perfume on. I can't even tell when Tess needs to be changed right now, so I have to check her periodically. This stupid cold caused me to miss the St. Patrick's Day sing-a-long at the Chatterbox for the first time in eight years.

Come on, spring weather!

2006-03-03T14:03:00.000-05:00

Missing My Girl

I took my baby girl to daycare today for the first time. She is 13 months, so she's not exactly a baby anymore. It was a weird feeling leaving my daughter in the hands of strangers. I know they are trained to take care of kids, but it's still scary. This was a trial day, so I came back home after dropping her off. I felt OK at first, but then I realized how quiet it was in the house. I saw all of her toys on the floor, but she wasn't there playing with them. That's when I cried. I suppose it's normal...

When I picked her up, she was eating lunch. She looked so grown up sitting in a little chair at a little table. She ate chicken nuggets and drank some milk. She didn't notice me there until I went over and tapped her on the shoulder. As soon as she saw me, she did this look, like "Thank God mom is here!" and then she started crying. I hope she gets used to it pretty quickly, because it will break my heart if she does that every time I pick her up.

2006-02-15T11:21:00.000-05:00

Fried Chicken For My Valentine

It's no secret that Valentine's Day puts a lot of pressure on people, singles and couples alike. Single people feel crappy because they may not have a love interest, or if they do, they have to figure out what level the relationship is on in order to pick the appropriate card and gift... you don't want to go too sappy and scare your potential mate away, but if you don't get a card that's on the appropriate level of sappiness, the other person may feel let down. Couples feel pressured into spending an insane amount of money on jewelry, flowers, dinners, lingerie, and whatever else might ignite the dying flames of passion. I'd say singles definitely have a harder situation on their hands.

I get really irritated with all of the jewelry commercials this time of year. They make women seem so shallow. Yes, some of them are, but I am not one of them! I know a couple of women who expected huge rocks from their sweethearts before they would walk down the aisle. I married my husband with no proposal and no rock. That really baffles the women who have such sparkling expectations. Does that one carat princess cut stone in a platinum band really prove his love for you? No! In fact, it will just make him resent you if he is forced into spending 3 months (or more) salary on something you will wear on your finger, especially when he could have spent that money on a plasma TV. Most women I know just want the basics... respect, someone to have fun with, and someone to talk to.

James gave me a diamond when I least expected it, after we were married. He bought it on his own volition, without the pressures of Valentine's Day or a controlling woman breathing down his neck.

For Valentine's Day this year, he gave me a miniature rose that I can plant in the spring and a CD. I gave him some candy and a homemade meal of fried chicken and mashed potatoes. We drank an entire bottle of champagne. We had a great time with no pressure and no crazy expectations.

2006-02-15T10:55:00.000-05:00

Hmmm...

Regarding my previous Wal-mart rant, I should point out that I don't think everyone who works there is incompetent. Obviously, Wal-mart would not be so successful if that were the case. I just seem to have more bad experiences there than anywhere else I go.

I've worked at McDonalds, Sears, and Kmart (over seven years collectively), so I know what it's like to deal with rude people all day long. I do respect Wal-mart for hiring handicapped people. That's the one nice thing I'll say about Wal-mart.

2006-02-13T11:10:00.000-05:00

Why I Don't Shop At Wal-mart

I've read or heard about many complaints against Wal-mart... Wal-mart has been accused of paying employees less than its competitors in order to offer lower prices, they promote more men than women, they import everything from foreign countries, they contribute to the downfall of the environment, and so on... People have boycotted the stores because of these issues, but these are not the reasons I avoid shopping there. People are still willing to work at Wal-mart, and as long as people are willing to work for less pay or unequal benefits, why would Wal-mart change?

The reasons I avoid Wal-mart are more personal. The long lines, the incompetent check-out clerks, and the caliber of person who shops there all deter me from going in. We received two Wal-mart gift cards for Christmas last year, and it took three trips in to spend them. Each time I was reminded of the reasons I do not shop there.

After waiting in line for what seemed like an eternity with screaming children all around, the check out person began scanning my items. He would scan something, and then instead of putting it in the bag, he would set it down on the counter in front of the scanner... I didn't think much of it, but when I got home and looked at my receipt, he had rung up some lotion twice. I made a second trip to the store in freezing rain and waited in line again at the customer service desk to get my $3.99 back. When I got back to my car, a shopping cart was against the hood of my car. I didn't see any damage, but I was annoyed.

Another trip to Wal-mart to spend more of the gift cards resulted in another long line with the most excruciatingly slow check-out person I've ever seen. We had many items, and she kept asking us if we wanted things in a bag. Finally, James said "Yes, we would like EVERYTHING in a bag."

There are many instances of rude shoppers with eight million kids who really annoy me. There was a woman who had lost her child and began screaming in the middle of the baby department, a man who had a crying baby who smacked the baby and told it to quit crying, a woman holding a toddler so close to me in the check-out that the kid was kicking me in the back, and there are so many people who lack enough basic social skills to simply say "excuse me" when they bump into you, butt in front of you, or nearly run you over with their cart. I'm sure not everyone who shops at Target is polite, but what is up with Wal-mart? Maybe the sheer brightness of the store drives everyone there crazy. I am a firm believer that fluorescent bulbs suck one's will to live. The Wal-mart near us is excessively bright.

When it comes to shopping, I'll pay the extra 30 cents to go to Target.

2006-02-08T10:16:00.000-05:00

Memoirs of a New World

I've seen two movies recently... Memoirs of a Geisha and The New World. I liked them both. Though they are very different movies, they both had gorgeous scenery, beautiful lead actresses, and a bit of controversy regarding their casting.

I have heard that people are upset because the two main actresses in Memoirs, Ziyi Zhang and Michelle Yeoh, are Chinese actresses playing Japanese Geishas. The main actress in The New World, Q'orianka Kilcher (had to look that one up on IMDB) is actually part Quechuan (South American Indian) and part Swiss (on a side note, she is also the singer Jewel's cousin), and she is playing a North American Indian.

Perhaps my opinion doesn't count on this matter, being that I am not Japanese but a mix of various European nationalities, Cherokee, and half of my heritage is a mystery, but I don't see what the big deal is. Actors are just that... ACTORS... playing a part. To me, a Chinese actress playing a Japanese person is no different than Renee Zellweger playing Bridget Jones or Jude Law playing an American. It is always arguable that someone else could have played a part better, whether they are of the same nationality as the character or not. People should just enjoy the story and the artistic interpretation of the people involved, in my opinion.

2006-02-08T09:55:00.000-05:00

The Trials (and Errors) of Feeding a Toddler

Tess has decided that she does not want to eat baby food anymore. I guess it is about that time... time for her to transition to table food. She's been eating some of the more mushy foods here and there (mashed potatoes, yogurt), but now she is gung-ho about eating whatever mommy and daddy are eating. When I tried to give her some Gerber sweet potatoes this week, which she normally loves, she swatted the spoon from my hand and sweet potatoes flew everywhere.

Trying to find things that she can feed herself is challenging. She gobbled up some chicken and cheesy noodles that we had for dinner this week. That seemed to make her very happy. This morning, I made her a scrambled egg, and it wound up all over her, the chair, and the floor. She didn't eat a single bite. So, no more eggs for awhile. If you've ever tried to sweep up scrambled eggs with a broom, you know what a pain that is...

I've also tried giving her a bite of orange, which she promptly spit out. She did eat several bites of a goat cheese pizza and some pumpkin ice cream (my lunch) the other day. It's going to be a long road to establishing a menu for her.

Another developmental milestone: Tess took her first steps a few days ago (February 4). She is changing so fast!

2006-02-02T09:50:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday, Tess!

Tess is one year old as of yesterday. Where does the time go? We went to see grandpa in the hospital (he had emergency heart surgery this week, which is a whole different story), and then Tess had a cupcake, which she didn't really like. She smeared it everywhere but didn't eat it. I guess she did not inherit mommy's sweet tooth, and believe me, that is a good thing!

2006-01-24T13:21:00.000-05:00

My Raging Tumor

I was reading my friend Leslie's blog about corn detasseling today, and I was reminded of my very angry past. I used to get mad, and I'm not talking throw a couple of cuss words around mad... this was full-on RAGE. I tore up many things. I remember being angry about something and picking up a piece of cloth and tearing it to shreds. I trashed my music stand once. I don't even remember what I was mad about. My friends dreaded my moodiness. I would go from happiness to complete depression or anger in seconds.

As it turned out, it wasn't just raging teenage hormones. I had an adrenal tumor that played with my emotions constantly. The tumor also caused me to have high blood pressure, and I couldn't do anything to raise my heart rate without having a horrible episode in which my head pounded, my heart palpitated, my whole body became weak, and then I would throw up. That went on from fourth grade until I was a senior in high school (the tumor wasn't found until I was 18). I was a fourth grader taking high blood pressure medicine and putting nitroglycerin pills under my tongue whenever I felt an episode come on. Yeah, our small town doctor was a quack and a half. He discouraged my mom from taking me to "the big city" for tests... "They'll just tell you the same thing and charge you a lot of money" he said. Over the years, the symptoms got worse, so finally I went to a specialist.

The specialists ran numerous tests on my heart and could not find anything wrong. Finally, one of the doctors insinuated to my mom that it was all in my head. I was sitting right there when he said it. Asshole!

One last test was performed (by a female doctor I might add) and the amount of catecholamines in my urine was high. They did an MRI, and sure enough, there was a fist size tumor growing on my adrenal gland. I was scheduled for surgery right away.

I spent spring break of my senior year in the hospital. I wasn't worried about the surgery, but I had no idea what to expect. No one prepared me for what I would wake up to find... tubes hanging out everywhere. I had medical students come to visit me and perform exams because my condition was so rare at the time.

When I woke up from the surgery, I was being moved to the ICU. My blood pressure dropped to 50/20. I was completely miserable. My throat ached from the tube going through my nose down to my stomach, but they couldn't give me any water. My whole body felt like it had been hit by a truck. I couldn't see anything because I didn't have my contacts in and my glasses were packed away somewhere where no one could find them. I have no idea what the nurse taking care of me looked like. They had to give me blood. I remember lying there watching the blurry blood drip into my arm. It was the early 90's, so not much was known about AIDS then. As I lay there I thought "God, please don't let me get AIDS."

The misery wasn't over yet... the next day I was moved back to a regular room. The surgeon informed me that the tumor had grown into my kidney, so he also had to remove my left kidney and adrenal gland with the tumor. I took the news just fine. I think my parents were surprised. I was just glad the tumor was out. That night, the IV site in my hand wore out. I felt like my hand was on fire. It was almost unbearable. Since it was the middle of the night and the hospital had less staff, an inexperienced nurse tried to put a new IV in my hand. I watched her wriggle the needle around under my skin. She finally gave up and said they'd have to wait for a certain guy who was busy. Meanwhile, I thought my hand was going to burn up. I don't know how long I waited before he finally showed up and took care of it.

I don't remember exactly what day this happened, but suddenly I was freezing cold and couldn't stop shaking. I called the nurse, and she found that someone had mistakenly raised the level of one of my IV's (it was one of the other nurses).

One of the highlights of my stay in the hospital was when they pulled the tube out of my stomach. Gag! The staff at St. Vincent's also pumped me so full of fluids that I gained 10 pounds overnight. When I left the hospital, I had stretch marks on my legs from all the fluid gain, huge purple bruises on my arms and hands, not to mention a giant scar (about 15 inches long) on my abdomen.

That was a horrible experience, but thankfully the outcome is that I remain tumor free. My blood pressure has actually been on the low side for the last 14 years. I am glad my friends stuck through the rage and mood swings. Since the tumor was removed, I have been a very laid back person. People who didn't know me then would find it hard to believe that I had such rage.

Living with one kidney is no different than living with two. I'm not bitter about it, but I have to wonder if my kidney could have been saved if the idiot doctor had sent me for tests earlier.

2006-01-02T12:58:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year

James and I actually went to a party this year for New Year's Eve. It was lots of fun. We drank, we danced, we yelled at passing cars...

On New Year's Day we ate our traditional meal of Reuben sandwiches and cooked cabbage. It's tradition in my family to eat corned beef and cabbage on New Year's Day for prosperity in the new year. We laid around all day and watched movies.

I had a great 2005 because I had Tess and was able to work from home all year so that I could take care of her. I am not sure what 2006 has in store. I'll be returning to the office (part time in the office and part time at home), so we'll see how it goes. I don't have any resolutions because I think I would just be setting myself up for failure; however, I'm going to try to eat less sugar and save more money.

Happy 2006!

2005-12-27T09:40:00.000-05:00

Baby Tess Update

My niece calls Tess "Baby Tess"... it's pretty cute. Tess won't be a baby much longer though. She is fast approaching toddlerhood. She is walking around the furniture. She will let go for a few seconds, but she has not taken those monumental first steps yet. Soon!

She has six teeth and more appear to be right below the surface. She's still nursing, which actually is going pretty good despite her teeth. I plan to start weaning her at one year because I will be going back to the office part time (and working from home part time), and I am ready to have my body back to myself. It has been a rewarding experience... one of the most important things I've ever done. I'm proud that I stuck with it.

Tess's first Christmas was fun, but she was quite fussy. I guess she did not like so many people disrupting her daily routine. We had a great time eating and opening gifts with family. Only 363 shopping days left until Christmas!

2005-12-27T09:27:00.000-05:00

Happy Whatever-It-Is-You-Celebrate

I'm writing this a little late because Christmas is already over... this season the Happy Holidays versus Merry Christmas stuff has gotten out of hand. Stores have made official policies stating that their employees should say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" so that no one gets offended. I hate political correctness. It is my general opinion that people are too uptight in this country. I am not even Christian and I do not get offended when people tell me "Merry Christmas". Hell, I even sent out some Christmas cards that said "Merry Christmas" in big, shiny letters. If someone wished me a Happy Kwanzaa or Happy Hanukkah I wouldn't care either. Honestly, it's not that big of a deal. There are more important things to be concerned about! Pretty soon, someone is going to get lynched for saying "bless you" after some uptight a-hole sneezes. The longer I live in the USA, the more I want to move to Canada.

2005-12-14T00:21:00.000-05:00

Not Enough Hours In The Day

Lately I've been so busy with work that I'm working at night and on weekends to keep up. During the day, it is sometimes hard to focus on programming because I am taking care of Tess, so that pushes my work to after she goes to bed. In turn, that takes away my "fun" time, which sucks because I haven't been able to see my friends very much and there are two new games out that I would very much like to be playing.

Christmas also throws a wrench into my schedule because I just don't have much time to prepare. I haven't made a single holiday treat yet, and Christmas is just 11 days away. The shopping needs finished, presents wrapped, cookies baked, and house cleaned, not to mention the rest of the food I will be preparing for all of our guests. Somewhere in there I also intend to take Tess to Olan Mills for pictures in her Christmas dress.

Don't get me wrong, I love taking care of my daughter, but my work has to get done so that the bills will be paid. I miss hanging out with friends, going out to lunch, and just basically doing what I want when I want.

2005-12-05T14:56:00.000-05:00

A Day Late And A Dollar Short

I went out to get some stuff today, and nothing went right. The long anticipated sequel to Animal Crossing (a video game) was supposed to be on shelves today, so I went to Toys R Us to get it. After weaving my way through the zillions of people with carts of crap stacked up to the ceiling (what are people doing out on a Monday anyway?) I found out that they did not have the game. So, I looked for this toy that Tess likes (a LeapStart table), but they did not have that either. I looked all over the store because it appeared that they had Leap products in several different locations. I started feeling claustrophobic after getting trapped in an aisle by carts and mothers with multiple kids, so I ditched my empty cart and Tess and I hightailed it out of there, no merchandise in hand.

Then we went to Walgreens to get some bubble wrap. They wanted $7.99 for a roll of bubble wrap. What the [insert expletive]?! Why is it that during the year you come across bubble wrap in the house, you throw it away with the box when you receive a shipment, but when you need some, it is nowhere to be found? I can't believe it was that expensive when it probably costs 2 cents to make. As James told me, they must blow up each bubble individually for that price. I'm telling you, people, keep your bubble wrap. You might need it!

Our next stop was EB Games, where I reserved a copy of Animal Crossing. Since it has already shipped, the clerk said I am not guaranteed a copy tomorrow. I reserved one anyway, counting on the fact that they'll have plenty. I put Tess on the counter while I paid. When I picked her up and headed out the door, I realized that her diaper had leaked. Her pants were soaked, but I had no choice but to put her in her car seat anyway. Now I sit writing this while the car seat cover is in the washer. I am pretty sure she left a pee spot on the counter at EB. Oops. Well, that's what they get for telling me that a game was still packed and to come back later when the Harry Potter game came out recently. I ended up buying that game at Target since they couldn't take three minutes to dig the game out of the box for me.

To top off today's annoyances, I just found out that there was a pink Nintendo DS that was bundled with Nintendogs and sold exclusively at Target and Toys R Us. How did I miss it? I thought the bundled version was only available in teal. I really want a pink one. Of course, it is now sold out and is selling on eBay for over $200 a pop. I guess it is a message that I should not be so materialistic and appreciate the things I have... a healthy family, good friends, a roof over my head, plenty of food... I'm really feeling the holiday spirit today!

2005-12-02T13:49:00.000-05:00

Caffeinated Christmas Cheer

December got off to the right start thanks to Starbucks. I received an invitation from Starbucks to attend a preview of the Yuletide Celebration show at the Hilbert Circle Theater. It was a good show. I had seen it once before (also free) courtesy of my workplace. They had drinks and hors d'oeuvres before the show. Leslie and I loaded up on gingerbread lattes, peppermint cocoa, chocolate martinis, and coffee. I kept grabbing food every time a tray passed me by...breaded mushrooms, cheese and pear pastries, beef tenderloin...delicious! At one point, I had three drinks in my hands. Hey, we know how to work the free stuff! The chocolate martinis had little coffee beans floating in them. Starbucks also passed out little snow globes.

Everyone seemed to be at least partially inebriated when the show started. There was an exorbitant amount of cheering and guffawing at the show. Of course, who wouldn't be in a good mood after receiving free food and drinks. I am not a fan of Sandi Patty's music outside of the Yuletide Celebration, but she and her husband did an awesome opera number. It was one of the highlights of the show, and she wore a gorgeous pink gown during the number that Leslie and I just gushed over.

I am totally impressed! All that coffee I bought really paid off. Thank you, Starbucks!

2005-11-29T10:32:00.000-05:00

I was President of NASA

I have to write about something that occasionally creeps up from the depths of my brain and annoys the hell out of me. Everytime I think about this I get angry. It is one hour I wish I could go back and redo. It's going to be a bit long-winded, but I just want to get it off my chest and hopefully expel some of the anger I carry around about this.

In 1996-1997, I was in my fifth and final year at Ball State University. The previous year, I had attended a few meetings for the Native American Student Association. They were a very small group. After attending only a few meetings, they elected me as president for the following year. I was surprised and excited that I would be leading this group, even if it were a small one. We were one of four groups in the House of Multicultural Affairs. The other three were the Asian American group, Black Student Association, and Latino student group. They all had fairly high membership numbers, especially BSA.

Being president was a lot of work. Besides leading the meetings, I had to coordinate events, print flyers and post them, make phone calls, attend Ball State functions, and I even gave presentations to a couple of classes. I had help of course... from our secretary, treasurer, and vice president. The names of the active members were Tom, Beth, Scott, and Steve. The five of us were sometimes the only ones who showed up for meetings.

We worked very hard not only to set up events but to also reach out to American Indian students on campus and encourage them to get involved. We sent them notices of our meetings, and we advertised our major events to them. Still, no one came to our meetings.

We had Mary Brave Bird, author of Lakota Woman, come and speak (her book made me cry; her name on the book is actually Mary Crow Dog). We also had a clothes and food drive for the Lakota of Pine Ridge, South Dakota, who are among the poorest of people living on reservations. Our biggest event was a powwow, held in the spring. I was working two jobs and attending full time classes. When I look back, I don't know how I did it all.

When the end of the year rolled around, there was some discussion in the House of Multicultural Affairs about whether our group should call it quits for the following year or keep going. None of our members wanted the group to quit, except one as it turns out.

Just a few days before graduation, we had a guest speaker, and afterwards we gathered in the student center to take a vote on whether or not to keep going. This is where I'd like to start my "do over". There were many people there, including the HMA personnel, the founder of the Native American Student Association (which was originally called Students of Native American Cultures but we renamed it because too many people thought it was a group of people interested in the culture rather than actual American Indian students), and even our guest speaker hung around for the meeting.

A girl was there who had attended one or two of our meetings during the year. She was African American and claimed to have some Indian heritage. I never doubted people because you really can't tell by looking at someone. I cannot remember her name (I think I blocked it from memory). Before our vote there was some discussion. I had observed in the past that this girl had a particularly nasty temperament, and she demonstrated it here. She was really down on our group and the main thing I remember her saying was "Well, I just didn't see any Native American leadership in this group." To top it off, the vice-president of our group was sitting right next to her and said "I just didn't feel like my voice was heard." I could not believe he said that because I would always ask him... "Scott, what do you think?" and he would usually respond with "I don't care". He rarely spoke up, and I wanted to make sure he had the chance because he was one of the few "legitimate" students in the group (he is part of the Delaware Indians, and I still see him around once in awhile, though I have not talked to him. He even had a display in the Eiteljorg museum).

I was quite emotional that day for many reasons. I didn't want the group to quit, I didn't like being criticized when we had worked so hard, I was about to graduate and move to Indy with no job, and I was going through major relationship changes. So, I cried. In front of all those people I sat there and cried and didn't yell what I wanted to yell at those two. At the time, the American Indian heritage in my family was mostly based on speculation. In the meeting I muttered something about how I didn't really know if I was Indian or not. Oh, how I wish I could take that back! Now I know it's in my blood for sure (see previous post)!

I said "Let's just vote", and unfortunately the vote was to disband the group. I was not the only one who cried... Beth did too. All of the hard-working people in the group were upset. I hugged Steve, and some Indian woman whom I didn't know hugged me. She was very nice and said "I didn't know you weren't Indian.", and I said "That's just it... I don't know." That was comment number two I want to take back. I left the student center in tears and somewhat humiliated, and the whole event has bothered me since.

If I could go back, I would say to the girl "First of all, you only came to two meetings, so your opinion about this group's leadership is meaningless. Also, we tried to reach out to students through the year. They did not respond, but we tried. So I didn't grow up on a reservation, and my family may not practice any of the culture, but I have Cherokee ancestry. I was elected by the group, and I did my best. I didn't see YOU trying." And to Scott, I would say "I asked you if you had any input or opinion on things and most of the time you didn't. How can you say your voice was not heard? If you really wanted to say something, you should have spoken up."

I recently contacted the House of Multicultural Affairs out of curiosity, to see if they had reestablished a group. They have not done so yet, but the current organizer said they are looking into it.

Well, it was certainly a learning experience. I lost touch with all of the group members after that day. I wish I could talk to them again. It really sucked to end that way after working together all year.

2005-11-24T22:18:00.000-05:00

Thankful It's Over

Thanksgiving was a lot of fun, but I'm glad the driving is over. We travelled over four hours... first to see my mom and step-dad and that side of the family and second to see my dad and step-mom and her three daughters (two of whom I had never met). We spent 3 hours in each location. Tomorrow I will cook turkey and all the trimmings for James's side of our family. It was great to see everyone... and Christmas is just around the corner, so we'll see most of them again soon!

2005-11-20T18:43:00.000-05:00

Harry Potter!!

I took a half day off of work on Friday to go see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire with my friends. It was awesome! They really condensed the book down, but they did a great job of it. It is a huge book and I wondered where they would cut corners. Goblet had everything you could want in a movie... drama, humor, action, and even romance. It is now my favorite HP movie so far, followed by Prisoner of Azkaban, Sorcerer's Stone, and Chamber of Secrets. Chamber is still excellent, but it's my least favorite. I am still trying to figure out why Harry heard the basilisk speaking Parseltongue from inside the water pipes all year, yet when he met him face to serpenty face, the basilisk didn't say a single thing.

I am playing the Goblet of Fire video game... can't get enough Harry Potter.

2005-11-06T22:41:00.000-05:00

November Already?

Halloween came and went in a flash. Tess was the cutest witch! Now Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and it's going to be a busy one. It all starts on Wednesday, when I will be preparing dishes to take with me the following day. On Thanksgiving day we will travel down towards Bloomington to my mom's (a 1 hour, 20 minute drive), where we will eat Thanksgiving lunch (and a lot of dessert). At 3pm, we will depart mom's and head to Rushville (a 2 hour drive) to see my dad. His wife's three daughters will be there, and I have never met two of them. We will have Thanksgiving dinner there (and more dessert). Then we will head back home to Indianapolis (1 more hour in the car) that night. But it doesn't end there...

The next day, I will get up at 6am to dress yet another turkey and put it in the oven. James's parents, two siblings and their kids, and grandma are coming over for Thanksgiving at our house. Let's see, that's a total of 14 people. I will make potatoes and gravy, oyster dressing, cranberry sauce, rolls, pumpkin pie, and probably some deviled eggs. Good thing I like to cook.

Ah, the holidays... so relaxing...

2005-11-01T08:24:00.000-05:00

Baby Talk

Tess is 9 months old today. She's been out of the womb for as long as she was in. She's getting such a personality now... perhaps a bit of an attitude. She's adding more sounds to her vocabulary. She's crawling and pulling herself up. It's amazing how fast babies develop. I never knew that babies laughed so much. Tess laughs hysterically at the puppets in her Baby Einstein videos and at her daddy's antics. When she's happy, she says "da da da", but when she's mad, she says "ma ma ma". What a daddy's girl.

2005-10-27T23:15:00.000-04:00

A Piece of My Ancestry Confirmed

One of my aunts (on my mother's side) recently took a trip to the Smokey Mountains and visited Cherokee, North Carolina. She did some research and found out what my family has long suspected: We are indeed part Cherokee... Western Cherokee to be specific. My aunt found the names of both Indian women in our family. I think she must have been looking at census records. Very cool!

2005-10-27T00:59:00.000-04:00

Sammy Terry

I met local TV legend Sammy Terry for the second time in my life tonight. At Conner Prairie (a living history museum) they have a Halloween event each year called The Headless Horseman. Sammy was there telling scary stories. There were so many people (mostly kids) that you could barely hear him. There was no way we were getting on the hayride to see the headless

horseman either. Kids were all over the place. It was like Chuck E Cheese in the woods.

Somewhere around 20 years ago I met Sammy Terry when he came to the Rushville movie theatre. He introduced a cheesy vampire movie, and after it was over, he signed autographs. I still have the poster that he signed. My mom said she also watched him when she was a kid, so he must be getting up there in age. This time I got a picture, although it was with my cell phone. His trademark laugh is still cool.

2005-10-17T22:34:00.000-04:00

The Greatest Inventions In My Lifetime

Ok, they may not be the greatest, but they have certainly improved my life...

1. Pay at the pump gasoline. No more waiting behind some guy with a mullet buying cigarettes and lottery tickets. In fact, you don't even have to go in! Pay at the pump has added hours to my life.

2. Remote control television. I remember sitting directly in front of the television and turning the knob between our five stations... that was channel hopping. I don't watch much television, but when I do, it's really nice to flip channels or activate the Xbox or DVD player from the couch.

3. The microwave. Ah... who could ever forget boiling water on the stove, reheating leftovers in the oven, and making popcorn in those little foil skillets? Those were the good old days. Actually, I hate microwave popcorn, but I have to admit that the microwave does make cooking easier.

4. The Internet (and wireless access). Not only does my career revolve around it, but it's a big part of my personal life. I stay in touch with friends through the Internet, and I can keep James informed on the baby's activities throughout the day. Wireless lets me work right where the baby is playing.

5. Debit cards. I remember my parents writing checks for EVERYTHING. Now, when someone is writing a check at the grocery store, you can see everyone behind them rolling their eyes and sighing. The debit card is so much faster!

6. Cell phones. Of course, I cannot leave this one off the list. My dad came to pick me up from the airport once at about 1:00 AM in the dead of winter. The car decided to break down on the way home. We were stuck on the side of a deserted highway in the snow. A cell phone would have been real handy right about then. Luckily, a tow truck eventually passed by and stopped to see if we needed help. Another time, I had a tire blow out on I-69. I had to walk at least a mile in the dark, which included hobbling down a steep downgrade by an on-ramp, to get to a pay phone. I was alone, and I had two different creepy people stop to see if I needed help. Again, a cell phone would have been nice. Never leave home without it!

2005-10-17T21:08:00.000-04:00

Superbugs and Trash

We live in a disposable society. Everything is thrown away, only to end up rotting ever so slowly in a landfill somewhere. I've often wondered where those landfills are and how close people are allowed to live. Surely the smell is overwhelming. I've never seen a landfill in person. I have no idea where my trash goes once it's picked up by the trash truck. Given the amount of trash generated by Americans, one would think the landfills would be reaching our own backyards at this point.

I have seen several products lately that make me wonder "Why?" because they are just adding to the problem. One of them is a plastic crock pot liner. You cook your food in a plastic bag lining the crock pot, and when you're done, you throw the liner away. What a waste! It's not that hard to wash the crock pot when you're done. Plus, just think of all the plastic chemicals that could be seeping into your food while it simmers all day long. Bon Appetit!

Another wasteful product is the toilet wand that has a throw away scrubber. After you scrub the toilet, you release the scrubber and flush it down the toilet. Yet another piece of unnecessary garbage. The basis for this wonder product is germs. The advertisers try to scare us into buying products like this with the threat of germs, but little do people realize that there are probably fewer germs on the toilet brush than on their tooth brush. This brings me to my next topic.

Not only are we creating mountains of trash every day, we are also creating superbugs. Every cleaning product is anti-bacterial now. You can't even find liquid hand soap that is NOT anti-bacterial. We are killing the good bacteria while trying so hard to get rid of the bad bacteria. The result is that the bacteria are evolving into superbugs: bugs that have developed a resistance to antibiotics. This problem, like the disposable products, can be traced back to companies trying to make a profit. "You must get rid of those bacteria, now here is the product to do so!" There is one commercial in particular where a woman is washing down her kitchen with a raw chicken breast. "If you're not using x product, you might as well be doing this", the commercial says. I never had salmonella growing up, and my mom didn't have these products. Good old soap and water works just fine. I try not to be sucked in to these gimmicks, but some of them do make life easier. Now excuse me while I go Swiffer the floor.

2005-10-03T11:00:00.000-04:00

You Say It's Your Birthday

I'm 32 today. I'd like to stay at this age and not grow any older. It's been an exciting year with the new addition to our family, Tess Elizabeth. She is 8 months old, and we can't imagine life without her now. Where does the time go?

The arrival of my birthday also means we're in my favorite season. It's getting darker earlier, and the air is taking on that cool, crisp quality that can only mean one thing... it's autumn! Time for pumpkin carving, hot apple cider, and Halloween. I'm going to be a witch this year, and so is Tess. We found the cutest little costume for her. I was excited to find a "scary" costume for a baby. Most of them are cutesy animals. Who wants to be a cow or a lion for Halloween? Not my baby!

Happy October!

2005-09-01T16:22:00.000-04:00

When the Levee Breaks

Like everyone else following the news about the devastating after-effects of Hurricane Katrina, I am very depressed about the situation. I have tried to imagine just how bad it is for the people living through it, especially in New Orleans; their houses full of toxic water, no drinking water or food, no power, and no sewage system. Not to mention the dead bodies that have yet to be collected.

This was the hurricane that New Orleans had been dreading. The local and national government officials knew that the levees could not handle that much water. Now, instead of spending the 60 million required to improve the levee system in New Orleans (which is a drop in the bucket compared to what they have spent on the war in Iraq), we have a multi-billion dollar disaster on our hands that is effecting everyone in the country. Thank you, government, for screwing up AGAIN.

I have visited New Orleans 5 times, and I have a site devoted to it. It was such a cool city. It will never be the same again and neither will the people who lived there.

2005-08-24T17:16:00.000-04:00

The Hummingbirds and The Bees

I don't know how "the birds and the bees" became the synonym for the sex talk that most parents have with their kids at some point. Given the subject it's referring to, you'd think that birds and bees would actually get along, but they don't.

My mom gave me a hummingbird feeder, and I followed her instructions of mixing 1 part sugar with 4 parts water in a pan and bringing it to a boil on the stove. Well, not only am I feeding hummingbirds, but there seems to be a large bee population gathered at the feeder. When a hummingbird flies up to get a drink of sugar water, the bees actually chase it away! I've witnessed hummingbirds and bees fighting at the feeder. So much for birds and bees living in harmony.

2005-08-11T16:41:00.000-04:00

Give me a Big Mac or give me death

I am tired of fast food restaurants making lame efforts to appeal to so-called “health-minded” individuals. When I walk into a McDonald’s, I expect to eat fried, fatty food. That’s why I go there! If I wanted something healthy, I would go somewhere else or I’d just stay home and cook.

The lawsuit I heard about several months ago really baffled me. Someone was suing McDonald’s for making them obese. Everyone knows that fast food is bad for you (see the documentary “Super Size Me” if you are unsure), so you can’t blame McDonald’s for making you fat. There is always a choice. No one is forcing you to stuff that Triple Quarter Pounder with cheese and Super Sized fries down your throat. Thankfully, that lawsuit was thrown out. If the obese person had won, it would have caused a barrage of frivolous lawsuits. I can just see it now…

Joe Blow vs. Dairy Queen: Seeking $500,000 in damages caused by repeated ice cream headaches.

Jane Smith vs. Krispy Kreme: Claims the three doughnuts she was allowed to purchase thwarted her Weight Watchers plan.

I’m sure you get the idea. It’s kind of like a person with lung cancer suing a tobacco company. The bottom line is, this is America. We have lots of choices. It is up to you to make the right ones. Otherwise, shut up and suffer the consequences.

2005-08-10T11:24:00.000-04:00

Music Milling

I attended another concert last night: Glen Phillips. He is/was the singer for Toad the Wet Sprocket. It was an excellent show in a small venue called the Music Mill. Just Glen and his guitar, and he was great.

I like the Music Mill because it is non-smoking. I feel so old because things like that matter to me. I hate to come home stinking like an ashtray.

I waited around afterwards, but Glen did not come out to sign autographs. My friend Brandi and I saw Toad years ago, and we didn't wait to meet them. I've always wished we had stayed. We saw them at Bogarts in Cincinnati, and it was pretty easy to meet bands there. We met Live, Teenage Fanclub, Cheap Trick, and a few no-name acts at Bogarts. Maybe I will meet Glen next time, if he ever comes back around.

2005-07-25T10:43:00.000-04:00

Cellular Glow

Last night I went to see Duran Duran in concert. At most of the concerts I've attended (which is something like 80 or 90 concerts that I have ticket stubs for), people hold up lighters to create a sea of miniature, flickering flames stretching out in front of the band. Last night I noticed that instead of lighters, people were holding up their cell phones in hopes of catching a decent photo of the band (or rather, of Simon LeBon or John Taylor). It was a sea of cell phone screens from my balcony view. It just reminded me of how gadget crazy we have become.

On another note, the concert was good. They did every Duran Duran classic I can think of, except "Union of the Snake", which happens to be one of their greatest songs. Oh well. I was excited to hear "Ordinary World" and another song that I had completely forgotten about, "Come Undone". Simon was very energetic. He and John had the girls screaming throughout the show. During the show, I found myself wondering which of them was wearing a toupee or had used a hair regrowth product. I mean, what are the chances that out of five men, none of them are going bald?

2005-07-12T10:50:00.000-04:00

Baby News

Last night Tess slept through the night, but I did not give her any rice cereal. I guess the rice cereal really wasn't helping her sleep through the night after all. I think I will wait until she is six months old before starting back up on the cereal. I gave her a tiny taste of smashed banana last night and she seemed to like it. Her first reaction to anything going in her mouth is to stick her tongue out (the tongue-thrust reflex), so I don't think she's ready for solids just yet.

2005-07-08T12:15:00.000-04:00

My Love/Hate Relationship With eBay

I have a somewhat expensive hobby of collecting Barbies. I believe I have somewhere between 75 and 100 Barbies still in their boxes. They take up space that we really don't have (our 80's house has very small closets and no basement, so they sit in boxes and tubs in our spare bedroom), but that doesn't stop me from buying them.

When Mattel discontinued the old line of "Dolls of the World" and replaced it with the "Princess Dolls of the World" line, I didn't think I would buy them. I knew there would be an endless stream of these dolls, given the number of countries in the world. Well, by the time the third doll came out, Princess of the Incas -- did the Incas really have royalty? Anyway... I bought it. Since then, I have purchased every single princess Barbie. I missed the first two though, and I've been patiently waiting for the prices to come down on eBay. Each princess doll is $20 in the store, but the first two are currently selling from $50 and up on eBay. That's a little better than the original eBay going price, which was over $100.

I love eBay because I can find Barbies that I probably wouldn't normally be able to get, such as Peaches 'N Cream Barbie. She is from the early 80's. Mine was stolen by my babysitter the day after Christmas, and I never got it back, so I bought one on eBay. It helped to relieve the bitterness I had about that situation...

The thing I hate about eBay is that it floods the market with items that are supposed to be rare. Great for the buyer, bad for the seller. I have tried to sell a few Barbies on eBay, but all of my auctions failed. I refuse to sell an item for less than what I paid. I was shocked that the first two princess Barbies were going for so much. They will come down eventually. Then it will be another 20 years or more until they will be worth anything. Thanks to eBay, Barbies must obtain vintage status before you can get anything for them. That is, unless you can find that one rare opportunity where everyone missed out on the first item in a series and sell it.

2005-07-01T11:34:00.000-04:00

Five Months Have Flown By

Tess is now five months old. I can't believe how fast the time goes. She has changed so much since being a sleepy newborn. She is extremely alert, focusing on objects and studying them... she's a miniature scientist. She recently discovered her feet, and she thinks it is great fun to hold onto them. She grabs a foot in each hand and giggles. Another of her favorite pastimes is blowing raspberries. I didn't know babies made so many cute noises until Tess came along. She still doesn't exhibit much interest in rolling over, but she does roll onto her side to look in her baby mirror or to grab a toy.

About two weeks ago, Tess started sleeping through the night (of course, mommy still woke up for the first few nights). We started her on a little rice cereal before bed. She still wakes up occasionally, so daddy will get her out of the crib and bring her to me. When that happens, she usually ends up staying with us until morning, but she spends most nights in her crib. Hurrah for rice cereal!

2005-05-16T15:32:00.000-04:00

Feeling Porky

One interesting attribute left over from my pregnancy is that I cannot eat enough pork products. Before I was pregnant, I rarely ate pork. I had the occasional sausage or ham at holidays, and that was about it. During the first and second trimesters of the pregnancy, I found all kinds of meat repulsive. I ate a lot of beans during that time... then the third trimester hit. I had to have sausage, pork BBQ, ham, or anything else made from the heavenly hog. Tess is almost 4 months old, and it has not stopped! I used to eat a lot of chicken, but that doesn't sound good to me very often anymore. I'll take a pork BBQ sandwich and a sausage link on the side, please! We have fired up the grill a few times already this year, and we made butterflied pork chops in a Hawaiian marinade. Yum!

Hopefully this new pork addiction will not cause me to "pork out" anymore than the pregnancy already has...

2005-04-18T10:05:00.000-04:00

Big Baby

I took Tess for her 2 month checkup on Friday, even though she was actually 2 1/2 months old. She weighed 15 pounds 5 ounces, and she's in the 99th percentile for weight! She was 24.25 inches long and in the 92nd percentile for height. What a big girl!

2005-04-11T15:12:00.000-04:00

Sikh & Find

Friday we arrived in Kansas City for a Sikh wedding. Tess was really good on the plane. There was a ceremony Friday night where the bride and groom's family exchanged garlands. Lots of drums and dancing. It was pretty cool to see a bunch of men in turbans dancing. The food was good too. It was Indian cuisine. I loved the appetizers... little potato cakes, spicy chicken, and lamb "sausages". I don't know what any of it was called.

We went to the Sikh wedding Saturday... I was incorrect when I said it was Hindu before. We had to wear scarves on our heads and take our shoes off when we went into the temple, which was just a big room with a few decorations. Everyone sat on the floor. The ceremony was very long... it seemed really long to me because I was wearing a dress that is too small (none of my old dress clothes fit since Tess was born), and I could only sit in two positions without revealing too much. Tess slept through the whole thing. The music was pretty cool... there were guys playing drums and some kind of eastern-sounding keyboard. At the temple they gave us lunch. Everyone sat on the floor again, and the servers walked around dishing food out of buckets. I thought the highlight of this meal was the carrot pudding that we had for dessert. It was delicious.

Saturday night they had a reception at a really nice place in downtown KC. This was pretty similar to an American wedding reception, but they were playing Indian pop music, and it was so incredibly loud that we had to leave right after we ate. The music was scaring Tess. I couldn't believe how loud it was, and even the older Indian men didn't seem to mind. Maybe it was because their turbans covered their ears. The food was so good at all the meals... James and I loaded up and talked about where we could get more food like it in Indianapolis. We have a favorite Indian restaurant, Taj of India, but I am not sure if we know what to ask for.

On the plane back to Indianapolis, Tess cried at first, but once we took off, she fell asleep. When we got off the plane, someone came up to me and complimented the baby on being so good. During the whole weekend, Tess was the center of attention everywhere we went. Strangers were commenting on how pretty she is. I didn't realize how much people love babies!

2005-04-06T11:14:00.000-04:00

A Rishi Retrospective
	This time last year I was treating my cat, Rishi, for cancer. He was still active and seemed mostly normal for the first part of April. He was bird watching and chasing leaves in the yard. He could still eat soft food at that point.
I try to remember him as happy, healthy, and playful. I think about him every day.

2005-04-06T10:54:00.000-04:00

Life Is Good

The grass is finally green, the daffodils and hyacinth are blooming, the temperatures are warm, and my daughter is healthy. I weighed her yesterday, and she is 14 lbs 11 oz. She is only 9 weeks old! I was worried that she might be getting TOO big. The Lactation Consultant told me to feed her whenever she wants, and it will all even out in the end. Apparently it's impossible to feed the baby too much breastmilk.

Tess is a very happy baby. She smiles a lot, and her dad and I can make her smile at the drop of a hat. I'm so glad she is a good baby. I don't know how I would get anything done during the day if she were fussy all the time. It's hard enough now because I don't want to miss a single smile or giggle.

Daddy and Tess

As I mentioned before, we are taking Tess on a plane to Kansas City, MO this Friday. Hard to believe I am now one of those people with a baby that used to annoy me. At least my baby is well behaved and her diapers don't stink (yet).

2005-04-01T08:25:00.000-05:00

Kosher Kitties

I always give my cat some soft food around holidays as a special treat. At Thanksgiving and Christmas I give her turkey Fancy Feast because we're having turkey. During the recent Easter holiday, we were having ham, and I realized that there are no pork flavored soft cat foods. They have every fish, chicken, and beef flavor under the sun, but no pork. I wonder why? Merlin is eager to eat ham when we have it, so I think that she would like it.

2005-03-22T11:25:00.000-05:00

March Madness

For me, March Madness has not been about basketball but my hectic schedule. We have had lots of visitors, and we have travelled to visit them too. I started working again. I'm working from home, which is interesting. I love being home with the baby, but it can be difficult to accomplish anything when she's awake. I have to put her in her swing a lot.

Tess is growing like crazy. She is changing a little every day. She recently started vocalizing more... not crying, but cooing, sighing, and even the occasional scream. She smiles all the time. It's adorable! I'm so glad we have a happy, laid-back baby. If only she would sleep in her bassinet, she would be the perfect angel. We have to put her in her swing to get her to sleep or she has to sleep right next to me in our bed. That's a habit I don't want to start. I'm going to try putting her on a sleep wedge in her crib. Perhaps she wants to be elevated a little.

Breastfeeding is still quite painful. I am not sure what the problem is. The lactation consultant said the "latch" looks fine. Tess and I have both been treated for yeast in case that was causing the pain, and I've tried Lansinoh and various other ointments. It's not so unbearable that I can't continue, but it would be nice if I could experience the pain-free nursing that other people talk about.

Easter is coming up, and we're hosting 20 or so people at our house for dinner. I decided to give Heavenly Ham a try instead of trying to cook my own. Are we crazy for hosting such a huge party with a newborn? Probably... but most of my mom's family has not met Tess yet, so this will give them the chance to see her.

We are flying to Kansas City for a Hindu wedding on April 8. We are probably crazy for taking a two month old baby on a plane too, but we couldn't pass up the opportunity to attend this event. I think it will be fun, and the Indian food is sure to be wonderful!

Busy, busy. Tess is going to grow up so fast. I can't believe that in about 8 or 9 months she'll be walking. Time does fly when you're having fun.

2005-02-18T15:07:00.000-05:00

February - A Month of Pain and Joy

I've been busy... taking care of a newborn while recovering from surgery is tiring!

Tess made her grand entrance into the world on February 1, 2005. I was induced because my doctor thought she might be getting too big to deliver naturally. We arrived at the hospital at 6:30 AM. I was hooked up to Pitocin by 7:30. For the first few hours, I tolerated the contractions fine, but when they became 1 minute apart and extremely painful (Pitocin is known for that), I knew I would not have energy to push when the time came, and I asked for an epidural. The epidural took away the pain, but my blood pressure got very low, so they had to give me epinephrine and lower my pain medicine dose. By 4:00 PM, I was fully dilated, and the epidural had worn off. My doctor told me it was time to push.

I pushed for two hours, and it was the most painful experience of my life. The baby's head was very high up, and it was sideways, so the doctor tried to turn her head while I pushed. Excrutiating! They had me try the squatting position, but the baby's head refused to come down. They told me I was a good pusher, but I felt like a bit of a failure for not being able to push the baby out. She was just too big. At 6:00 PM, my doctor recommended a c-section. Tess was out at 6:35. By then I was so relieved that she was out that I didn't care about the c-section.

I was quite alert for the whole thing (and shivering from the epidural), and the nurses couldn't believe I could move my legs right after the surgery. It seemed like hours before James and I could finally hold our daughter. It seemed even longer before I could have something to drink. I've never been so thirsty in my whole life! I had a Gatorade at 6:30 AM, and I didn't have another drink until around 8:30 PM. I chugged everything James put in my hands. They told me to take it easy, but I never felt nauseated. Of course, it was all worth it to have Tess. We were overjoyed that she was finally out! What an adorable baby...

I recovered very quickly, but it was painful. In fact, almost 3 weeks later, I'm still in pain. Breastfeeding is painful until I get used to it. I've had a bout with the flu. It could be a secondary infection from the c-section, but it seemed like the flu to me. My whole body ached, and I had a fever of 102 for two days. It was extremely difficult to care for Tess when I could barely get myself off of the couch. My doctor put me on antibiotics just in case.

In between the pain, I also have incredibly happy times when the baby smiles or just sleeps peacefully. She is so cute! James and I couldn't be happier with her. She is not on a schedule, and we are tired, but we love her and we love being parents.

Tess Elizabeth
Born February 1, 2005 at 6:35 PM
Weight: 8 lbs 12 oz
Length: 21 inches

2005-01-26T13:54:00.000-05:00

The Final Countdown...

Well, the full moon came and went, and I am still pregnant. I'm excited though, because the end is in sight. If the baby doesn't come out on her own before February 1, they are going to induce me. The doctor is afraid that the baby will be too big to pass through the birth canal if I go past my due date. Six days or less to be pregnant! Woo hoo! I've got to say, though, that this pregnancy has been pretty easy. I did not become terribly uncomfortable until these last couple of weeks. I cannot wait to meet my daughter!

2005-01-20T15:03:00.000-05:00

Weird Thought

I read that my baby already has all the eggs in her ovaries that she'll ever have. So, not only am I carrying my daughter, but I'm also carrying my future grandchildren.

2005-01-12T13:32:00.000-05:00

Full Term

The baby is full term (37 weeks) as of yesterday. She could decide to make her arrival any day now. I told her to feel free to come out now... mommy is ready. It's getting harder to function with this huge belly.

I have started dilating. The doctor felt the baby's head through the cervix and bag of waters yesterday. Fascinating that the baby is right there but may not come out for 3 more weeks.

2005-01-02T00:59:00.000-05:00

Resolutions

New year's resolutions... why bother setting yourself up for failure? I constantly try to enhance my life through the pursuit of whatever makes me happy; therefore, I resolve to make no resolutions for 2005.

2004-12-31T11:00:00.000-05:00

Another Year Passes By

2004 had one very sad event and one very happy event for me (and all sorts of things in between). April 30, I lost my beloved cat of 10 years to cancer. That was extremely sad and difficult to handle. I still miss Rishi. Just a month later, I found out I was pregnant (the happy event in case you're wondering). I'm so glad it happened when it did because it gave me something to focus on besides losing my cat.

Christmas was interesting this year. Due to the 8 inches of snow that we received and temperatures in the negatives, our family Christmas parties had to be postponed. James and I had a nice Christmas at home for a change. He completely shocked me with a diamond ring for Christmas. The set up was very clever... the first gift I opened was a deck of cards. The second gift was a couple of pairs of socks with diamond patterns on them. At that point, I was thinking "hmmm... that's odd" but remained grateful. The third gift was an electronic hand-held baseball game. I was really questioning what was going on at that point. The fourth gift was a Greatest Hits of Neil Diamond CD. I don't like Neil Diamond, so this was especially funny. The last gift was very heavy. It contained some books that I recognized from James' collection, but hidden in some newspaper was the little ring box. I never would have guessed! It's a beautiful ring with a half a carat diamond and a white gold band. Thankfully, he remembered that I prefer to wear silver. I gave him an X-box wireless controller, Morrowind game, two sweaters, a book light and a book, a Sherlock Holmes mug, a Jeep keychain, the Scene It boardgame, and some gloves. Santa was very good this year... our last Christmas as "dual income no children" people.

Here we are, about to start 2005. The baby will be here sometime in the next 4 weeks. I expect this year will be quite exciting with the new addition to our family. We are ready!

2004-12-09T13:34:00.000-05:00

Santa Is Truly Magical

At a recent Christmas party, I overheard a woman talking to her daughters about Santa Claus. She said "Santa has to know every language, like French, Spanish, Asian, and European."

If Santa can speak Asian and European, he is truly magical. I wonder if he can also speak Klingon.

2004-12-09T13:23:00.000-05:00

Putting Things In Perspective

Like most working people, I get stressed out about my job once in awhile (ok, a lot). I also get irritated with traffic, long lines in stores, slow waiters, and the fact that there is just not enough time in the day to get everything done. Then I feel the baby kick, and I am reminded that the most important thing is this little life growing inside me. That's really all that matters. Funny how the pregnancy hormones really do change your thoughts.

2004-12-08T13:39:00.000-05:00

Instant Karma

John Lennon was shot 24 years ago today. I wonder what musical masterpieces we are missing out on because of his death. I also wonder what bands he would like if he were here now.

I bought a Double Fantasy album at Half Price Books once, and inside the cover I found several newspaper clippings from December 9, 1980. Being a huge John Lennon and Beatles fan, I was thrilled to have these (I was 7 years old when he died... hardly old enough to really understand). Yet another example of when karma worked in my favor.

2004-11-30T14:03:00.000-05:00

Chocolate Covered Christmas

Now that the holiday season is here, so are the chocolate covered cherries, candy canes, and gum drops. Yum! Everyone who knows me knows that I have an insatiable sweet tooth. Even though I'm pregnant this season, that probably won't stop me from indulging in every sweet morsel that crosses my path.

I was really excited yesterday when I found a Hershey's Cookies 'n' Mint candy bar at the drug store. This is by far the best candy bar that the USA has ever offered (every candy aficionado knows the UK has far superior candy bars). They stopped making it for a long time, and apparently it's back only for a limited time. James recently found a gigantic Cookies 'n' Mint bar at Bed, Bath, and Beyond of all places. I'm going to have to stock up.

As far as candy bars go, I also like Twix, especially the miniature ones. As I mentioned before, though, the UK turns out the best candy bars of all. Cadbury makes great chocolate. I like the Crunchie. They used to make one called Rum 'n' Butter. I think it was the best candy bar in the world, but of course, they stopped making it.

I'm going to enjoy this sugary season... and after Christmas, the Valentine candy will be out. Woo hoo!

2004-11-23T13:26:00.000-05:00

How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb

The much anticipated new U2 album hit stores today. I bought the $30 box set, which includes the CD, a DVD, and a small hardcover book. I am quite disappointed that for $30 they could not include the CD jewel case. Instead, you get this cheap piece of cardboard which is too big to fit on a standard CD rack, and the CD will not stay in it. Oh well... my first impression is that the music is awesome!

U2 never disappoints. I even liked their most hated album, "Pop". I have loved them since I first heard "New Year's Day" and "Pride (In the Name of Love)". My mom had the 45 of Pride, and we used to listen to it all the time. I think I still have it.

2004-11-15T21:41:00.000-05:00

Pet Peeves

Most people have a few things that irritate the heck out of them... here are a few of mine:

1. Spitting and littering. Nothing makes my day like driving behind someone who throws some trash or a lit cigarette butt out their car window. What do you think the ash tray is for? Even though my mom, dad, and sister smoke, I have to say that smokers must be the world's most inconsiderate people. Their butts end up everywhere. It's especially nice when someone decides to empty their ash tray in a parking lot. Goes great with the smashed, wet diaper in the next space.

Spitting is just gross. If you have so much saliva and phlegm that you need to spit it on the sidewalk, go to the doctor!

2. Dog crap in my yard. I realize that our grass may get a little on the tall side once in awhile, but that doesn't mean that you should leave your dog's business in it! Not many people in my neighborhood have dogs, so this isn't a huge problem, but it's still annoying when it happens.

3. Rude people. I have worked in Carmel, Indiana for over 6.5 years. It seems to be the place where the "high and mighty" live and congregate. The "Carmelites" are the rudest people I've ever encountered. They rarely say "Thank you" if you hold a door. They butt in front of you in stores without saying "Excuse me". They run you off the road with their compensatory, overly gigantic SUV's. Very annoying.

4. People giving me pregnancy/childbirth advice. If I ask for it that's one thing, but so many people just want to volunteer useless information. I especially dislike the frowns or groans I get when I tell people I am not going to have an epidural. It's not uncommon to forego it, so get over it! They act like I won't be able to handle the pain. Hello? Every pregnancy, childbirth experience, and baby is different, so who are you to tell me what I can handle? Perhaps I will end up getting one if the situation calls for it, but just for fun, how about a smidgeon of support?

2004-11-12T16:45:00.000-05:00

The Greatest Rock Lyric Ever

Even though The Beatles are my favorite band (and U2 is a close second), my favorite rock lyric comes from none other than Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here":

How I wish... how I wish you were here...
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year.
Running over the same old ground. Have we found the same old fears?
Wish you were here.

I just love that passage... if you're familiar with the song, you probably sang the verse in your head as you read it.

2004-11-12T16:36:00.000-05:00

I'm still kickin'... and baby is too

I've been so incredibly busy that I haven't had time to write. Time is marching on... there are less than 12 weeks left in the pregnancy. I can't believe it! I have decided to do the baby's room in Beatrix Potter/Peter Rabbit. I think the illustrations are cute, and they are detailed enough to give the baby something interesting to look at.

She is kicking harder and harder every day now. Each day I look in the mirror and can almost see my belly growing!

2004-10-18T12:18:00.000-04:00

15 Weeks To Go

Week 24 has been the most uncomfortable of the pregnancy so far. Last Thursday I had pain in my side that became so bad I could not stand up straight. The doctor had me go in for tests, which all came back normal, so they attributed the pain to round ligament stretching. Four days later, I still have the pain. Fortunately, it's not as bad as it was, but I hope it goes away soon. It's hard to keep doing everyday things when you can't bend over, sit down, laugh, or talk without grabbing your side in agony.

2004-10-13T10:01:00.000-04:00

Spiritual Side

Perhaps it's the changing of the seasons, but I'm feeling inspired to write about my spiritual beliefs. I typically don't share these with many people, but since very few people read my blog, I'm not sure how public they'll really be. This blog is really for me anyway. It has taken me a long time to formulate beliefs that make sense to me based on things I've read, my experiences, and learning from other people.

I did not grow up in a church environment. I went to church a handful of times with friends. Perhaps having no religious guidance lead me to alternative beliefs...or maybe I would have come to these conclusions eventually anyway. I am not sure. One thing I am sure of is that I've always felt a strong connection with nature, and I feel far more spiritual walking a forest than sitting in a church. I do love old, decorated cathedrals. Some are so beautiful that you cannot help but feel some sense of spiritualness in them.

Some of my beliefs are Buddhist. Some are derived from Native American beliefs. I can only classify myself as a Pagan. That word has a lot of negative connotations for people, but it simply means "non-Christian". It implies a deeply rooted respect of nature and the god and goddess who created it. Some people think that Pagans practice witchcraft, but that is not necessarily true. While a Wiccan person is classified as a Pagan, a Pagan is not always Wiccan. I am not Wiccan.

I believe in reincarnation. We can choose to return to Earth, and when we do, we can also choose certain challenges that we will face in our lives here. These challenges encourage the growth and progression of our soul. People that we gravitate to on Earth could have known us in previous lives or could be our best friends on the other side.

I also believe in karma. I treat people the same way I want to be treated. I do nice things because they will come back to me. I believe in helping those who are willing to help themselves.

I respect other cultures and religions; however, I do not appreciate other people shoving their religion in my face. I do not judge other people based on their religion, race, or sexual orientation, and I expect to be treated with the same respect and non-judgmental attitude.

I believe it is our duty as humans on Earth to treat animals with respect. Animals are very important to the whole interconnectedness of nature. I believe that they have spirits too. It is important to teach children to love and respect animals and the environment.

I do celebrate Christmas and other typical holidays. Christmas for me is celebrating family and togetherness. Even before Christianity, people decorated pine trees in the winter to show their respect for nature. I acknowledge seasonal events, such as solstices and equinoxes, not by performing rituals, but by thinking about my life and my place in the universe. Sometimes that may involve celebrating with food and drink. As the seasons change and we all become older, it's important to evaluate your existence and think about where you are going, if you are happy, and what you can do to improve your life on Earth. I also acknowledge full moons in the same kind of introspective way. I am fascinated by the moon and how it effects things on Earth. Nature is a delicate balance, and I am always in awe of how it works.

Finally, I believe there is not only a god, but also a goddess. They (or it - they could be one sexless entity) are the creators of all things. When we die, we return to the other side, our true home. I do not know where this place/dimension exists. Scientifically, I don't think anyone can figure that out or it would have been done by now. I also believe in ghosts, or spirits who become trapped here on Earth until they are willing to accept their fate and return home. People on the other side can communicate with us on a subconscious level, which includes our dreams. They can help guide us if we ask for their assistance. Before I became pregnant, I knew I wanted to get pregnant in May. At that time, I asked my family on the other side to send my daughter. I was ready. I became pregnant with a baby girl about one week later. Our subconscious is our link to the other side.

By writing this, I have only outlined what I believe. I have not explained how I came to these conclusions. That would probably result in a book. Sometime I might sit down and attempt to write it.

2004-10-03T11:00:00.001-04:00

Another Year Older...

I turn 31 today. I bought myself some new things over the weekend, like a new purse and the new Tears for Fears album. I had been awaiting the release of the album for a long time, and it has been out since 9/14, but I just found out that it was released on Friday. I expected it to be good, but not this good... I LOVE IT! Tears for Fears has proven that they've still got it after all this time.

2004-09-25T02:03:00.000-04:00

Where did Magical Cat come from?

I used to sing songs to my cat, Rishi. One of my favorites was "Black Betty", but I changed it to "Black Buddy" (his nickname). Because of the mysticism surrounding black cats, I used to think of "Magical Mister Mistoffelees" from the musical Cats when I sang to him. So when I needed a Yahoo name, I thought of it at the spur of the moment.

I really miss Rishi.

2004-09-23T09:44:00.000-04:00

Autumn Upon Us

I meant to post yesterday, on the Autumnal Equinox, but I didn't get around to it. Fall is my favorite season, and I'm so glad it's here! It never lasts long enough though. Soon the leaves will change and the holidays will be here. I already have some of my Halloween decorations out.

I'm feeling the baby move every day now (and every night). At this stage, the movements are cute because they're just little flutters. Reminds me how small she is even though I feel like my belly is HUGE.

I feel good most of the time, but I do have some trouble sleeping through the night. Perhaps it's my body preparing me to deal with a newborn. I've tried avoiding caffeine, switching sides of the bed with James, and taking sinus medication before bed, but nothing seems to help. I try not to complain too much... I've read about much worse pregnancy related symptoms that I am glad I do not have. Overall, I think being pregnant is fun.

2004-09-14T10:55:00.000-04:00

Half Way Today

Today marks the half way point in my pregnancy. I am 20 weeks pregnant. It has gone by pretty fast, and I've been told that the next half will be even faster. Plus we're heading into the fall/holiday season, which always flies by (unfortunately).

2004-09-13T16:13:00.000-04:00

Ultrasound News

James and I had our first ultrasound on September 7. I was amazed by the clarity of the picture. We saw every angle of the baby, including her spine, feet, face, and the top of her head. Yep, I said "her". We are having a girl! We are really excited, and even though the VHS tape of the ultrasound is bit lesser in quality than the actual picture was, that hasn't stopped us from watching the tape several times. Too bad they can't burn it to a high definition DVD.