Full Term

The baby is full term (37 weeks) as of yesterday. She could decide to make her arrival any day now. I told her to feel free to come out now... mommy is ready. It's getting harder to function with this huge belly.

I have started dilating. The doctor felt the baby's head through the cervix and bag of waters yesterday. Fascinating that the baby is right there but may not come out for 3 more weeks.

Resolutions

New year's resolutions... why bother setting yourself up for failure? I constantly try to enhance my life through the pursuit of whatever makes me happy; therefore, I resolve to make no resolutions for 2005.

Another Year Passes By

2004 had one very sad event and one very happy event for me (and all sorts of things in between). April 30, I lost my beloved cat of 10 years to cancer. That was extremely sad and difficult to handle. I still miss Rishi. Just a month later, I found out I was pregnant (the happy event in case you're wondering). I'm so glad it happened when it did because it gave me something to focus on besides losing my cat.

Christmas was interesting this year. Due to the 8 inches of snow that we received and temperatures in the negatives, our family Christmas parties had to be postponed. James and I had a nice Christmas at home for a change. He completely shocked me with a diamond ring for Christmas. The set up was very clever... the first gift I opened was a deck of cards. The second gift was a couple of pairs of socks with diamond patterns on them. At that point, I was thinking "hmmm... that's odd" but remained grateful. The third gift was an electronic hand-held baseball game. I was really questioning what was going on at that point. The fourth gift was a Greatest Hits of Neil Diamond CD. I don't like Neil Diamond, so this was especially funny. The last gift was very heavy. It contained some books that I recognized from James' collection, but hidden in some newspaper was the little ring box. I never would have guessed! It's a beautiful ring with a half a carat diamond and a white gold band. Thankfully, he remembered that I prefer to wear silver. I gave him an X-box wireless controller, Morrowind game, two sweaters, a book light and a book, a Sherlock Holmes mug, a Jeep keychain, the Scene It boardgame, and some gloves. Santa was very good this year... our last Christmas as "dual income no children" people.

Here we are, about to start 2005. The baby will be here sometime in the next 4 weeks. I expect this year will be quite exciting with the new addition to our family. We are ready!

Santa Is Truly Magical

At a recent Christmas party, I overheard a woman talking to her daughters about Santa Claus. She said "Santa has to know every language, like French, Spanish, Asian, and European."

If Santa can speak Asian and European, he is truly magical. I wonder if he can also speak Klingon.

Putting Things In Perspective

Like most working people, I get stressed out about my job once in awhile (ok, a lot). I also get irritated with traffic, long lines in stores, slow waiters, and the fact that there is just not enough time in the day to get everything done. Then I feel the baby kick, and I am reminded that the most important thing is this little life growing inside me. That's really all that matters. Funny how the pregnancy hormones really do change your thoughts.

Instant Karma

John Lennon was shot 24 years ago today. I wonder what musical masterpieces we are missing out on because of his death. I also wonder what bands he would like if he were here now.

I bought a Double Fantasy album at Half Price Books once, and inside the cover I found several newspaper clippings from December 9, 1980. Being a huge John Lennon and Beatles fan, I was thrilled to have these (I was 7 years old when he died... hardly old enough to really understand). Yet another example of when karma worked in my favor.

Chocolate Covered Christmas

Now that the holiday season is here, so are the chocolate covered cherries, candy canes, and gum drops. Yum! Everyone who knows me knows that I have an insatiable sweet tooth. Even though I'm pregnant this season, that probably won't stop me from indulging in every sweet morsel that crosses my path.

I was really excited yesterday when I found a Hershey's Cookies 'n' Mint candy bar at the drug store. This is by far the best candy bar that the USA has ever offered (every candy aficionado knows the UK has far superior candy bars). They stopped making it for a long time, and apparently it's back only for a limited time. James recently found a gigantic Cookies 'n' Mint bar at Bed, Bath, and Beyond of all places. I'm going to have to stock up.

As far as candy bars go, I also like Twix, especially the miniature ones. As I mentioned before, though, the UK turns out the best candy bars of all. Cadbury makes great chocolate. I like the Crunchie. They used to make one called Rum 'n' Butter. I think it was the best candy bar in the world, but of course, they stopped making it.

I'm going to enjoy this sugary season... and after Christmas, the Valentine candy will be out. Woo hoo!

How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb

The much anticipated new U2 album hit stores today. I bought the $30 box set, which includes the CD, a DVD, and a small hardcover book. I am quite disappointed that for $30 they could not include the CD jewel case. Instead, you get this cheap piece of cardboard which is too big to fit on a standard CD rack, and the CD will not stay in it. Oh well... my first impression is that the music is awesome!

U2 never disappoints. I even liked their most hated album, "Pop". I have loved them since I first heard "New Year's Day" and "Pride (In the Name of Love)". My mom had the 45 of Pride, and we used to listen to it all the time. I think I still have it.

Pet Peeves

Most people have a few things that irritate the heck out of them... here are a few of mine:

1. Spitting and littering. Nothing makes my day like driving behind someone who throws some trash or a lit cigarette butt out their car window. What do you think the ash tray is for? Even though my mom, dad, and sister smoke, I have to say that smokers must be the world's most inconsiderate people. Their butts end up everywhere. It's especially nice when someone decides to empty their ash tray in a parking lot. Goes great with the smashed, wet diaper in the next space.

Spitting is just gross. If you have so much saliva and phlegm that you need to spit it on the sidewalk, go to the doctor!

2. Dog crap in my yard. I realize that our grass may get a little on the tall side once in awhile, but that doesn't mean that you should leave your dog's business in it! Not many people in my neighborhood have dogs, so this isn't a huge problem, but it's still annoying when it happens.

3. Rude people. I have worked in Carmel, Indiana for over 6.5 years. It seems to be the place where the "high and mighty" live and congregate. The "Carmelites" are the rudest people I've ever encountered. They rarely say "Thank you" if you hold a door. They butt in front of you in stores without saying "Excuse me". They run you off the road with their compensatory, overly gigantic SUV's. Very annoying.

4. People giving me pregnancy/childbirth advice. If I ask for it that's one thing, but so many people just want to volunteer useless information. I especially dislike the frowns or groans I get when I tell people I am not going to have an epidural. It's not uncommon to forego it, so get over it! They act like I won't be able to handle the pain. Hello? Every pregnancy, childbirth experience, and baby is different, so who are you to tell me what I can handle? Perhaps I will end up getting one if the situation calls for it, but just for fun, how about a smidgeon of support?

The Greatest Rock Lyric Ever

Even though The Beatles are my favorite band (and U2 is a close second), my favorite rock lyric comes from none other than Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here":

How I wish... how I wish you were here...
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year.
Running over the same old ground. Have we found the same old fears?
Wish you were here.

I just love that passage... if you're familiar with the song, you probably sang the verse in your head as you read it.

I'm still kickin'... and baby is too

I've been so incredibly busy that I haven't had time to write. Time is marching on... there are less than 12 weeks left in the pregnancy. I can't believe it! I have decided to do the baby's room in Beatrix Potter/Peter Rabbit. I think the illustrations are cute, and they are detailed enough to give the baby something interesting to look at.

She is kicking harder and harder every day now. Each day I look in the mirror and can almost see my belly growing!

15 Weeks To Go

Week 24 has been the most uncomfortable of the pregnancy so far. Last Thursday I had pain in my side that became so bad I could not stand up straight. The doctor had me go in for tests, which all came back normal, so they attributed the pain to round ligament stretching. Four days later, I still have the pain. Fortunately, it's not as bad as it was, but I hope it goes away soon. It's hard to keep doing everyday things when you can't bend over, sit down, laugh, or talk without grabbing your side in agony.

Spiritual Side

Perhaps it's the changing of the seasons, but I'm feeling inspired to write about my spiritual beliefs. I typically don't share these with many people, but since very few people read my blog, I'm not sure how public they'll really be. This blog is really for me anyway. It has taken me a long time to formulate beliefs that make sense to me based on things I've read, my experiences, and learning from other people.

I did not grow up in a church environment. I went to church a handful of times with friends. Perhaps having no religious guidance lead me to alternative beliefs...or maybe I would have come to these conclusions eventually anyway. I am not sure. One thing I am sure of is that I've always felt a strong connection with nature, and I feel far more spiritual walking a forest than sitting in a church. I do love old, decorated cathedrals. Some are so beautiful that you cannot help but feel some sense of spiritualness in them.

Some of my beliefs are Buddhist. Some are derived from Native American beliefs. I can only classify myself as a Pagan. That word has a lot of negative connotations for people, but it simply means "non-Christian". It implies a deeply rooted respect of nature and the god and goddess who created it. Some people think that Pagans practice witchcraft, but that is not necessarily true. While a Wiccan person is classified as a Pagan, a Pagan is not always Wiccan. I am not Wiccan.

I believe in reincarnation. We can choose to return to Earth, and when we do, we can also choose certain challenges that we will face in our lives here. These challenges encourage the growth and progression of our soul. People that we gravitate to on Earth could have known us in previous lives or could be our best friends on the other side.

I also believe in karma. I treat people the same way I want to be treated. I do nice things because they will come back to me. I believe in helping those who are willing to help themselves.

I respect other cultures and religions; however, I do not appreciate other people shoving their religion in my face. I do not judge other people based on their religion, race, or sexual orientation, and I expect to be treated with the same respect and non-judgmental attitude.

I believe it is our duty as humans on Earth to treat animals with respect. Animals are very important to the whole interconnectedness of nature. I believe that they have spirits too. It is important to teach children to love and respect animals and the environment.

I do celebrate Christmas and other typical holidays. Christmas for me is celebrating family and togetherness. Even before Christianity, people decorated pine trees in the winter to show their respect for nature. I acknowledge seasonal events, such as solstices and equinoxes, not by performing rituals, but by thinking about my life and my place in the universe. Sometimes that may involve celebrating with food and drink. As the seasons change and we all become older, it's important to evaluate your existence and think about where you are going, if you are happy, and what you can do to improve your life on Earth. I also acknowledge full moons in the same kind of introspective way. I am fascinated by the moon and how it effects things on Earth. Nature is a delicate balance, and I am always in awe of how it works.

Finally, I believe there is not only a god, but also a goddess. They (or it - they could be one sexless entity) are the creators of all things. When we die, we return to the other side, our true home. I do not know where this place/dimension exists. Scientifically, I don't think anyone can figure that out or it would have been done by now. I also believe in ghosts, or spirits who become trapped here on Earth until they are willing to accept their fate and return home. People on the other side can communicate with us on a subconscious level, which includes our dreams. They can help guide us if we ask for their assistance. Before I became pregnant, I knew I wanted to get pregnant in May. At that time, I asked my family on the other side to send my daughter. I was ready. I became pregnant with a baby girl about one week later. Our subconscious is our link to the other side.

By writing this, I have only outlined what I believe. I have not explained how I came to these conclusions. That would probably result in a book. Sometime I might sit down and attempt to write it.

Another Year Older...

I turn 31 today. I bought myself some new things over the weekend, like a new purse and the new Tears for Fears album. I had been awaiting the release of the album for a long time, and it has been out since 9/14, but I just found out that it was released on Friday. I expected it to be good, but not this good... I LOVE IT! Tears for Fears has proven that they've still got it after all this time.

Where did Magical Cat come from?

I used to sing songs to my cat, Rishi. One of my favorites was "Black Betty", but I changed it to "Black Buddy" (his nickname). Because of the mysticism surrounding black cats, I used to think of "Magical Mister Mistoffelees" from the musical Cats when I sang to him. So when I needed a Yahoo name, I thought of it at the spur of the moment.

I really miss Rishi.

Autumn Upon Us

I meant to post yesterday, on the Autumnal Equinox, but I didn't get around to it. Fall is my favorite season, and I'm so glad it's here! It never lasts long enough though. Soon the leaves will change and the holidays will be here. I already have some of my Halloween decorations out.

I'm feeling the baby move every day now (and every night). At this stage, the movements are cute because they're just little flutters. Reminds me how small she is even though I feel like my belly is HUGE.

I feel good most of the time, but I do have some trouble sleeping through the night. Perhaps it's my body preparing me to deal with a newborn. I've tried avoiding caffeine, switching sides of the bed with James, and taking sinus medication before bed, but nothing seems to help. I try not to complain too much... I've read about much worse pregnancy related symptoms that I am glad I do not have. Overall, I think being pregnant is fun.

Half Way Today

Today marks the half way point in my pregnancy. I am 20 weeks pregnant. It has gone by pretty fast, and I've been told that the next half will be even faster. Plus we're heading into the fall/holiday season, which always flies by (unfortunately).

Ultrasound News

James and I had our first ultrasound on September 7. I was amazed by the clarity of the picture. We saw every angle of the baby, including her spine, feet, face, and the top of her head. Yep, I said "her". We are having a girl! We are really excited, and even though the VHS tape of the ultrasound is bit lesser in quality than the actual picture was, that hasn't stopped us from watching the tape several times. Too bad they can't burn it to a high definition DVD.

Native Imports

I want to ask people who have a Native American dream catcher hanging from their rearview mirror if they sleep in their cars a lot. It's supposed to hang above your bed and "catch" nightmares. It's pretty sad that the Native American culture is one of the most exploited. If you shop for a dream catcher, some Native American pottery, or a flute, turn the product over. You might see a "Made in China" sticker. Real authentic.

Work Is Nuts

I have managed not to complain about my job on this blog so far. I think today I am finally feeling motivated to write something about it. I am a web developer/project manager at a company that I've been working at for over 6 years. They have been good to me... I started out in the helpdesk making peanuts, and worked my way up to the world of IT (and perhaps now making walnuts?). I was helpdesk supervisor, then trainer, then writing documents for web sites, then web developer. I learned ASP and SQL (with help from my boss). I am good at what I do. It does not only involve web developing... it's about knowing how to treat your "customers" (other employees), and understanding the business. My boss knows I always put in my 40 hours (at least), so it's no big deal if I'm late or need to leave early. He even said I can work from home after I have my baby. Those are the good things about my job.

Now, the complaints. Everyone has complaints about their job. No job is perfect, and there are some days where my level of frustration knows no bounds. I have to be on call every 4th week. I am on call this week, which happens to include Labor Day weekend. This is the third holiday in a row where I have been on call. I do not get paid for being on call. I do get a cell phone allowance each month in exchange. People call about minor issues. It's supposed to be for emergencies, such as a web site crashing or server outage. Instead I get things like "I can't get into my Email", "How do I get to such-and-such web site", and the inevitable "My PC isn't working right". I got the PC call one night at 3am. These are not emergencies, people! And why are you working at night? Get a life!

I also have to mention pay. I am a female, which automatically means I get less than my male counterparts. Why is that fair? I even have the word "manager" in my title, but that doesn't seem to matter. I have many male friends working in the same field as me. They all make more than I do. One of them makes a full 20k more... it's really frustrating. I wish the job market would pick up. I had three interviews for one web development job. It was more money for less work, and they seemed concerned that I would not be as "challenged" in the new job. THAT'S WHAT I WANTED! I really thought I had it in the bag, but they ended up hiring a man. HMPH! I really hope to someday break into the cashew pay level... that rich, delicious nut seemingly reserved for men and very few women. Until then I will continue at the walnut level... if I'm lucky, maybe next year I'll get pecans.