The Scarlet Pumpernickel

Ah... it's fun to laugh at the verbal screw-ups, Freudian slips, misunderstood song lyrics, and jabberwocky that people come up with. As a kid I used to think Aimee Mann was singing "Ooo, trash, even downtown, was so scary" in the song "Voices Carry". To this day, even though I know the correct lyrics, I still sing my own silly version.

Here are some other silly things I've heard or read over the years...

One day (many years ago) I was walking through campus at Ball State with a friend, and it started to sprinkle. She said "It's dribbling." That made me laugh, and I still remember it!

When Pope John Paul II died and they were electing a new pope, I had the news on and the news lady said "The new poop, uh, pope...". I can't remember which channel I was watching, but that was hilarious.

I was looking for a table in a restaurant with someone when he said something like "That table hasn't been busted yet". Busted? Oh... you mean bussed.

Sometimes the brain just decides to mix up what a person is saying... one day my husband referred to something in the living room as a "rotten curd". It took me a second to register that he was talking about the curtain rod. That was so funny that we have been referring to curtain rods as rotten curds ever since.

My mom is the queen of mispronouncing things even after she's been saying it correctly. She once said "He's got that Alzenheimers". I guess she had forgotten how to pronounce it. On a recent trip she was unloading stuff from the car and asked her husband if he could get her "Bed, Bath, and Body Bag". I said "Mom, I didn't know we had a dead body in the car." It was a Bath and Body Works bag, but she had somehow thrown Bed, Bath, and Beyond in there.

And I saved the best for last. A while back someone at work sent a message out to the entire Carmel office. The message informed everyone that they would need to change their passwords due to a possible security risk. The last line of the message said:

"We apologize for the incontinence and appreciate your understanding."

:)

Character Licensing Has Gone Too Far

I know companies want to make a buck by selling their trademark character license, but it's sometimes hard to find kids' products that are not stamped with a cartoon character. I swear, Dora, Pooh, Disney Princesses, Elmo, Thomas the Tank Engine, and whoever else is on EVERYTHING! Sunglasses, shoes, clothes, toy furniture, bikes, and even potties. I don't mind the toys so much, but I do not buy any clothes or shoes with characters on them. I don't know why it bothers me so much. I guess I just don't want my daughter being a walking advertisement for Dora the Explorer. And I think a plain little flowered dress is much cuter without a giant cartoon on the front.

Turn Me On Tonight; I'm Radioactive

I haven't blogged in awhile because I've been busier than ever, and the funny thing is that I'm not even working right now. On the first day of spring, I received my dose of radiation (for the zillions of bone tumors that I have). I had to travel to Philadelphia to get it, and Leslie went with me. We went to the hospital at UPENN. The radiation team was wonderful. They were nice and I felt like I was in good hands with them. The hospital, on the other hand, was terrible. First of all, it must have been designed by the person who designed the Winchester mansion. There were elevators that went to certain floors but not others, corridors that lead to no man's land, and very dismal waiting areas. Once I received the radiation, which took about 30 minutes, we had to wait several hours before they had a room ready for me. It must have been 7 PM before we got into the room, and they were still preparing it. By preparing, I mean wrapping it in plastic. Yeah, the Saran Wrap kind. EVERYTHING was wrapped... the bed rails, phone, TV remote, tray table, toilet seat and handles, light switches, faucet. Even the floor was covered in entirety with large sheets of plastic, which made it very slick. They also wrapped three large metal sheets in plastic and placed them beside and at the foot of my bed. I was in a plastic fortress. It was difficult to operate the volume dial on the TV remote through the plastic, and when I made a phone call, the person on the other end said "What's that rustling?" I decided to just use my cell. Before anyone entered the room, they had to put some booties on over their shoes, and when they left the room, they had to throw them away. We found it very strange that I was allowed to meander about the hospital all day after receiving my dose, but that they took all these precautions in my room. The whole thing seemed really wasteful to me.

To make matters worse, the TV only had 3 channels, and only one of those was watchable, and I use that term loosely. I had the Weather Channel, which is good for about 10 minutes. Then there was CNN Headline News. After seeing the same story about a new Kevin Costner movie for the fourth time in an hour, I settled on my third channel... ABC Family. I watched The Sound of Music because that's all that was on. They ran an ad during the movie that said the same movie would be played the next night and the night after that. Three nights in a row of the same thing. I felt sorry for anyone staying in the hospital more than one night. For a fee of $8 you could get more channels, but I thought that was ridiculous and did my crossword puzzle instead. Strike 1 for the TV stations.

The food at the hospital was very bad. I asked the nurse for a menu, and he had a strange look on his face. He brought me one, but there was essentially only one choice for a meal, and you could select your own drink. I circled what I wanted. That was around 6:30 AM. My food didn't arrive until after 8 AM, and it was not what was on the menu. They brought me two boxes of cereal and milk. I don't drink cow's milk but at this point I was starving, so I ate it. About 30 minutes later, they bring in another breakfast. I didn't touch it because I had already eaten. It looked gross anyway. At lunch they brought some chicken and pasta that was tolerable, but they gave me ice tea in a carton. It was disgusting. The food was strike 2.

I should have been gone way before lunch... around 7 AM, the radiation guy came in and checked my levels. He said they were good and left. The doctor came in at 8 AM and said I could leave. YAY! About an hour later I called the nurse and asked if I could be discharged. She said we were waiting for the radiation safety team to come before I could go. I told her that the guy had already been in that morning and she said "Oh, no, no, no... only the doctor was here." Oh yeah? Were you in the room? She proceeded to tell me that I couldn't leave until they came back. I asked if she could take my IV out and she said she would do that before I left. All right.

So a couple more hours go by, and I'm sitting there watching crappy shows on ABC Family and eating my crappy lunch on my crappy bed in my plastic room. I really, really wanted out of there. Leslie suggested that I call the doctor, so I left him a message. I must have paged the nurse three times to ask what the hold up was. Finally, she came back and said I could go... the radiation team had already been there. Noooooo, really? By then it was 1 PM. Strike three!

The nurse gave me a little purple and yellow flower since it was Easter weekend. Some charity group was handing them out to patients. It was a pain to carry it with my bag and purse, but I did. While sitting in the taxi on the way to the hotel I noticed the flower was fake. Good grief. I would have ditched it somewhere in the hospital if I had realized that before. Oh well, I don't know how I would have gotten it on the plane anyway.

I was exhausted after two nights in a row with little sleep, but I couldn't be in Philly and not get out to see it. Leslie and I went to Reading Market, which she discovered was right behind our hotel. We walked to Independence Hall and then got on a trolley tour that took us around to lots of sites. We saw Ben Franklin's grave, Betsy Ross's house, the art museum (home of the Rocky steps... "it's the eye of the tiger"), and lots of other stuff. There was a Rodin museum that I would love to go back and visit. The Thinker was right out front, and The Gates of Hell were behind that. Sweeeeeet. I wrote a paper on The Gates of Hell once.

All around Philly are interesting statues and sculptures, including Robert Indiana's LOVE sculpture (which is replicated everywhere), some Claes Oldenburg, Calder, and even some stuff done by actor Kevin Bacon's dad. I read about Robert Indiana and found that he was born in New Castle, just a 25 minute drive from my home town of Rushville.

I'm glad we had the chance to get out and see some sites in Philly, however brief it was. I have a lot of people to thank too... James and my mom for watching the kids, Leslie for going with me, Kim for the hotel and airline deals, Michele for letting me stay at her house, Michelle for keeping me company and bringing movies, Ji for coming to visit, and everyone else for moral support!

I will be going back to Bethesda in May to have follow-up scans. Keep your fingers crossed that these things are shrinking!

People Are Strange

My first job was at a little coffee and donut shop called Mr. Freshie in my home town of Rushville, Indiana. I started working there when I was 15. My cousin, Julie, had decided to quit working there, and she called to see if I wanted the job. It was pretty fun... my duties were waiting on customers, keeping the coffee brewed, washing dishes, and general clean-up. After my initial training, I worked weekends, and I ran the place by myself 2-3 nights per week. Sometimes I would ice donuts if we ran out, and when I was bored I liked to fill donut holes with filling. Yummy! I did a commercial for them on the local radio station for my radio class. I remember saying "Come down to Mr. Freshie to hear all the latest gossip." I made $3 an hour, and I got meager tips. I mean, how much tip is someone going to leave if their bill is 85 cents? I was lucky to get a dime, and quarters were like gold.

The shop was rather small and was always full of people on the weekends. There was a constant cloud of cigarette smoke hanging in the air. I used to joke that we sold "smoked donuts". The donuts were actually really good. A couple of the popular items were nutsticks and flat cinnamon rolls with caramel icing.

Like any small town coffee shop, we had our regular customers, and man, were they ever characters. Here are some of the people I remember most. I'm using first names only, but if you're from Rushville, you'll probably know who I'm talking about.

Coke
There was a gas station next to Mr. Freshie, and Coke was an old man with a white beard who lived in a car behind that gas station. When I went out back to take out the trash or get supplies from the shed, I could see his TV antenna sticking up over the fence. He rode a bike around town. I guess he either didn't have a license or his "house" wasn't drivable. He was quite the entrepreneur. In his mind, he owned a fleet of helicopters and who knows what else. He would sit in the donut shop and tell tall tales of his adventures. My step-dad recently told me that he was in there one day when I was working (this was way before he was my step-dad) and Coke was talking about running off to Hawaii and taking me with him. You could never take him seriously...

Merriam
Almost every night you could count on Merriam to come in, and she would stay until closing. I don't think she lived in Rushville, so she would drive from out of town just to hang out in the donut shop. She was quite a paradox. The story was that she had not taken a bath since her husband died many years before. I believe that was true. The stench that came from her would knock you over. She had holes in her shoes, no socks, always wore the same clothes, and her hair, which was long and grey, was in a gigantic tangled mess on the side of her head. Really, it looked like a rat's nest. I don't think any amount of combing would have gotten through it. She was very intelligent though, and I enjoyed talking to her. I learned to block out the smell. The ironic thing about her was that as I did my nightly cleaning, she would point out the spots I missed on the counter or floor, even the tiniest little crumb. She would move the gumball machine so that I could sweep and mop behind it, and she would straighten the doormat if I laid it down even the least bit crooked. She would watch me lock the doors before she left. I never could understand why she was so picky about that stuff but refused to clean herself up.

Phyllis
Phyllis stopped in every now and then. She drove a huge gold car. I'm not sure if she lived in it or just liked to sit in it. I would frequently see her around town just sitting in her car. She was heavy set, had horn rimmed glasses that made her eyes look huge, wore lots of blue eye shadow, and had brassy hair (a wig) that was in a similar style to a beehive. She seemed a little off her rocker too. One night friends and I saw her at Village Pantry, and she said she was hiding in her car because "that thing keeps following me" and pointed to the moon. Oooookay.

Robin
This girl was a trip. She was young and rather attractive (aside from the smeared lipstick), but she had fried her brain on drugs. She would come in on Saturday or Sunday and order a donut and milk for herself, and also a donut and milk for her imaginary friend. She would set the extra donut and milk across from her in a booth and proceed to have a conversation with the invisible person. When she was done, she would throw it all away. I always had the stereo on while I was working, and one day while she was there, the song "She Talks To Angels" by The Black Crowes came on (how appropriate). Robin jumped up and said "I love this song!". She came around behind the counter and cranked up the volume on the stereo. The other customers looked around to see what was going on, and I just shrugged. Robin began dancing around the shop, her broomstick skirt flowing around her as she twirled. When the song was over she sat back down, and I turned down the volume. One of the regulars came up after she left and said "That was a little odd, huh?". I heard later that she was killed by a semi while walking down the highway. What a tragic end for her.

Roy
Every other Sunday, some mentally handicapped people were released from their institution (a house on Main Street), and they headed down to Kroger and Mr. Freshie. Roy always wore an old brown suit that appeared to be from the 60's or 70's. I couldn't quite understand most of what he said. Thankfully, he always ordered the same thing. When I gave him his change, he would tell me to hold out my hand. He would take a penny (yes, one penny) and push it into my palm for a full 30 seconds to a minute while he told me not to spend it all in once place. Um, yeah, I'll be sure not to do that.

I eventually quit working at the donut shop and went to McDonald's because they paid a dollar more an hour. McD's wasn't half as entertaining. Unfortunately, Mr. Freshie is closed now. It's up for sale along with the recipe for the donuts. Maybe someone will reopen it someday...and whole new set of characters will flock to it.

Hippity Hoppity Home

Last Monday it was snowing. The falling snow at twilight was beautiful, and it was a fitting tribute to our snow white bunny. After 14 or so long years of life, he passed away around 5 PM. His name was Bunner.

Bunner loved carrots and apples. He loved to hop around in the backyard and nibble on my flowers. He also loved digging in the dirt, which earned him the nickname "Dirty White Bun". We will miss seeing his bright white figure against the green grass in the spring. He was always excited to go outside after a long winter indoors. In his younger days, he would jump with all four feet in the air. You could almost here a "boing!" when he did that.

It is almost unheard of for a rabbit live 14 years. At the end, he had cataracts and was mostly blind. He had a mass on his chest. He may have had kidney failure. His condition rapidly worsened until he didn't bother getting up and stopped eating and drinking. We knew it was time. The vet said that the one good thing he had was his choppers. He had great teeth for an elderly bun.

We will certainly miss our Dirty White Bun!

My Really Weird Day

Last Saturday my coworkers had a baby shower for me and another coworker who just had a son. It was a great time... lots of food and gifts! However... on my way to the party, I was waiting to turn right onto Allisonville Road from 82nd Street. As soon as I turned there was a cop flagging me down. I didn't know what I did wrong... turns out I turned right on red during the time when you are not supposed to. I have turned there a million times and I always thought that the no turn on red applied to weekdays only. Anyway, he gave me a 150 DOLLAR ticket. UGH. Pregnancy hormones are at their all time high right now, so as I drive away I start to cry. Great, now I look wonderful for the party.

After the party, I'm driving down Eller Road towards Allisonville. I go through a four way stop and guess what? Sirens! I am pulled over AGAIN. The cop asks me if I've ever been pulled over before. Uhm, yes, about 3 hours ago. Apparently this time I rolled through a stop sign. My emotions went overboard, and by the time she got back to my car I was crying again. I think she took pity on me. She asked me when I was due. She told me to be more careful and let me go, but I continued crying until I got home. Gees, what is up with that?

I have never been pulled over twice in one day. When I got home, I had just calmed myself down when I spilled a full glass of orange soda down my front and all over the floor. It even went in my shoes. Tears welled up in my eyes again, but I didn't have a full on cry this time.

Between the back pain, the medication I'm taking (which makes me want to pass out all the time), and my awkward clumsiness from being so hugely pregnant, I think I might go insane before this baby is out.

SNL - Livin' on a Prayer

Last weekend's SNL was hosted by Jon Bon Jovi, and the musical guest was Foo Fighters. I was really annoyed that Bon Jovi played twice during the show (during the monologue and at the end), and the Foo Fighters only played one song. WTF? I'd rather hear the Foo Fighters any day over Bon Jovi's mediocre folk-rock. If they had done a GOOD song, it might have been OK. I admit I was a Bon Jovi fan back in the day, but the crap they put out now is just plain bad. A couple of the skits made me laugh... the one where Jon was being criticized by the band for wanting to name it Bon Jovi was pretty good. It was kind of strange that they went out on the band playing rather than the usual closing where everyone is on stage hugging and waving goodbye. Weird. They really need to get Tina Fey back. The show has sucked since she left.

Another Year Older

I turned 34 yesterday... I'm almost out of that 18-34 age group that people market things to. I guess time marches on, no matter what!

Last week James and I went to Washington DC for "Pheochromocytoma 2007", a conference all about my condition. It was awesome! Not only did I get to talk to doctors and top researchers in the field, but I got to swap war stories with people who have the same condition I do. WOW. Up until then I had only met one person who gets these tumors too. There was a whole room of them! We also managed to site see a little. I know there are bad parts around DC, but I never saw any. Many of the houses were Colonial style, and I loved them. Driving down George Washington Parkway was just gorgeous. The leaves were just barely starting to change. I'd love to see it two to three weeks from now.

It was a challenge walking around DC while 7 months pregnant. I had no problems flying, which was something that worried James. Walking a lot wears me out though. I did my best!

My blogs always include something about music. I guess that's because I'm always listening to music... at my desk, in the car, at home. James got two CD's for me for my birthday (and a Zelda game for the DS)... "Born Into This" by The Cult, and "Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace" by the Foo Fighters. I really like both of them. I'm excited that The Cult is BACK! They are coming to the Murat Theatre in November, and I'm going... I don't care if I have to give birth on the floor of the Egyptian Room. I can't miss it!

More Life Updates

The weather is finally cooling down... yay! I have been so HOT this summer with my baby furnace. Twenty-eight weeks now. He will be born in 11 short weeks! Which also means that Christmas is right around the corner. I need to start shopping before I get too whale-like.

James and I are getting ready to go to DC next week for a conference all about my tumors. I hope to find out about the latest research and meet other people with my condition. It's so rare... I know one other person in Indiana who has the same tumors I do, but her genetic mutation is different than mine. Still, we stay in touch. I can't imagine being in the same room with so many other "rarities". I'm also looking forward to site seeing a little. I want to see the Lincoln Memorial and Washington Monument since this will be my first trip to DC.

I've been slowly getting ready for the baby. We got new furniture for Tess and relocated her crib to the baby's room, which is still full of "stuff" that I have to shove somewhere in the house. We really, really need a basement in our next house. I managed to find some cute baby boy items (girl clothes are SO much cuter). We are still not certain on his name, and I still don't know what I want to hang on the walls in his room. For Tess, I painted picture frames (with Beatrix Potter prints in them) and wooden letters that spell her name, so I would like to do something equally special for this baby. Any ideas, anyone? I don't care for the matching bedding and all that junk. Especially since babies can't use blankets or comforters in their crib, and those bumpers they sell are not at all necessary.

My laptop's hard drive decided to die last week, so that has really set me back at work. I have a ton of stuff to do to prepare for maternity leave. Just figures.

Oh yeah, Michelle W., my mom, and I met Crowded House last month in Ann Arbor! It was an excellent concert... definitely worth the drive. Neil Finn came out, as well as Nick, Marcus, and Matt (their "new" drummer). Why are musicians always so short? My mom was funny... she has a habit of constantly making lists in a little notebook she carries around. She handed it to Neil along with her ticket stub, and he signed them both. Made me laugh that he signed her little notepad.

I was recently on the radio... yeah, WKLU played my Ultimate Top Ten! It was weird hearing myself on the radio, especially with my voice the way it is. They are sending me a CD of it, so I'll try to put it online for those who missed it.

Speaking of my voice, hopefully it will be much improved soon. My ENT doctor can do a procedure where he moves the paralyzed vocal cord over towards the good side. I will be awake for the whole thing even though it involves making an incision in my neck. I don't really care if the end result means I can talk in restaurants again.

That's all for now... hope to see all of you this fall sometime!

Stuff, Updates, Whatever

I haven't posted a blog in quite awhile. So, what's new with me? Well, 2007 is turning out to be a big year for concerts. James and I went to the Rocco DeLuca & The Burden show at The Vogue, which was awesome. As we were leaving, Rocco and some band members were standing out back. I have met a lot of musicians, and I have never seen a band come out that fast to greet fans! I seemed to be the only one at first, though. The two percussionists greeted me first, and they grabbed Rocco for me. He was VERY nice. I told him that the baby enjoyed the show too (it's now obvious by looking at me that I'm pregnant).

I also saw Cowboy Junkies with Michele S. They were good, but I only recognized one song out of two hours worth. I wished they had done "Miles From Our Home".

Last weekend, Michelle W. and I saw Live and Collective Soul at Victory Field. We agreed that Counting Crows blows, so we left before they took the stage. Live was excellent (they always are), but we wished they could have played longer... especially given the price we paid for tickets.

Next up, Crowded House in Michigan. I'm looking forward to that because not only is it a road trip, but it's two days off from work. Woo hoo!

I tried to get VIP tickets to Tori Amos, but the %*$& things sold out within one minute! So much for that. Now I'll have to wait for the general on-sale and have crappy seats like the last two times I saw her. Oh well.

I am sad that the Harry Potter series is over now. I just love the books. I will miss reading new ones, but I look forward to reading them with my daughter when she's older.

I'm now 22 weeks pregnant. The baby will be born December 3, so I have just over 3.5 months left. And did I mention it's a boy? I'm very excited about it, but it's pretty certain that I have another tumor somewhere, so after I have him it's going to be a very stressful time. I'll have to have scans and possibly surgery again. With a newborn baby, that's going to be difficult. Plus I'm adament about breastfeeding, so I'm going to have to pump when I'm full of pain meds or radiation from scans. That will be frustrating.

Speaking of pain... I try not to worry about every little pain I have, but some of the pain is persistent. My left leg is especially bad. I can't take anything but Tylenol, which doesn't do much. I just try to grin and bear it... which is harder than it sounds. But, like Maya Angelou said "I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one." So, I'm counting the days until I can get this stuff resolved and get on with my life.

Oh yeah, and I've been playing a lot of video games... probably to take my mind off of pain. Guitar Hero 80's, Harry Potter, and NY Times Crossword are my games of choice lately.

Other than that, it's business as usual... working and taking care of Tess, who is so tall now... I cannot believe it! No one believes she is only 2 1/2. She's an awesome kid. I hope the next one is too!

I Met Loreena!

Last week my best bud Leslie and I took a road trip to Michigan to attend two Loreena McKennitt concerts. The concerts were absolutely awesome! Loreena sounds so good live... it was better than I expected. The first show was in Ann Arbor, which was a pleasant college town. Lots of coffee shops and bookstores were around the theatre. We were in the 4th row... excellent seats. The weather was perfect, so after the show we waited by the bus. We talked to some of the musicians who played with Loreena, and then she came out. She was very nice and gracious when we told her how great the show was. She signed our CD's, shook our hands, and gave us hugs. I was really excited because her music has truly helped me get through tough times (besides the fact that I just love it), like dealing with metastatic disease and the death of my beloved pet.

We stayed at the Vitosha Guest Haus in Ann Arbor, which was a very cool old place with a very kooky lady running it. She was quite eccentric. The bathroom had a clawfoot tub, so I HAD to take a bath in it. Then we were off to IKEA for heavy duty shopping. After that, we drove about an hour and 45 minutes to Kalamazoo, a place I will never visit again if I can help it.

Kalamazoo was dirty, dark (not in a good way), and deserted. The theatre where Loreena played was very ornate, and we were in the FRONT ROW (!!!), but we couldn't find any coffee in the downtown, and the whole area just wasn't happening. The show was excellent, of course, and Loreena talked a lot more than the night before. She also changed two of the songs from the previous night's lineup, so we didn't have to hear two identical concerts (not that I would have minded). After the show we drove and drove and drove looking for somewhere to eat. The town was practically shut down... stuff was too far from the exits to see, and when you finally got to it, it was closed. We finally found an IHOP. Turns out there was a Perkins less than 1/4 mile away from our hotel, but what can you do.

The next day we were eating breakfast at the hotel and a guy walked in who looked kind of familiar... turns out he was sitting right next to me in the front row the night before. He drove from Ohio and was by himself. It was pretty funny that he happened to be in the same hotel.

I'm so glad we went to both shows... I was afraid that if I sold the tickets to one of them that the other would end up cancelled and I wouldn't see her at all. It was totally worth it!

An Ancient Muse Live!

I love Loreena McKennitt's music, and today I got an email from her mailing list with presale passwords for all of her upcoming tour dates! Woo hoo! I immediately chose a city that was close (but not Chicago - too much traffic) and grabbed some tickets. I got 4th row right in the center! I have to drive to Ann Arbor, Michigan, but I don't care. I was willing to fly to see her in concert if I had to.

I am such a huge fan that now I am contemplating getting tickets for the following night in Kalamazoo. Two nights of live Loreena... wow, that would be awesome! I have wanted to see her live for a long time. I'm so excited!!!

Give Me A Break

Sometimes you just get fed up with stuff and have to vent. This is one of those times. Over the past 3 months, I've been recovering from two surgeries... first the partial hip replacement on 11/3/06. Yeah, it hurt like hell (still does), but I dealt with it. Then came the neck surgery on 12/12/06... much worse! Recovery from that was absolute hell, and I'm left with permanent effects from it. Right after I got home from the hospital, I came down with some kind of upper respiratory virus, so I was coughing and hacking constantly with my swollen neck and sore incision. Since my nerves were damaged during surgery, I couldn't swallow very well, so I couldn't take pills or drink liquids. I was pretty much screwed. Finally I went to the doctor and got some antibiotics, which I had to break into tiny pieces in order to swallow. I got over that crud after about three weeks.

Shortly after that, I went back to work, and on my very first day back, I came down with the flu. I didn't fully recover from that until about two weeks later, when my nagging cough finally seemed to stop. Less than a week later? I woke up with my sinuses packed to capacity and my throat sore AGAIN. My throat has been sore and bumpy pretty much non-stop over the last six weeks. My voice sounds terrible... like I have laryngitis. It has been weak since my surgery. It really makes me want to scream, but I can't!

I also have continued, sharp pain in my left leg and sometimes in my right too. Who knows what that is from? If I count all the symptoms I had prior to my surgeries, I've pretty much been in pain constantly for the last two years.

I don't think I've ever been this sick in my life... my body is trying to recover from two surgeries, but it can't get the chance for all the bacterial and viral infections. I like winter, but I really want it to be spring so I can get out of the "sick" season!

I just want to be well. I don't think it's too much to ask. I want to live my life normally... Please, all I ask is GIVE ME A BREAK!

I'm a Guitar Hero

So we were at Best Buy the other night, and they had a display with Guitar Hero 2 setup. Some people were trying to play a song, and it was making me laugh because they were missing notes like crazy and were kicked out of the song. So, I picked up the "guitar", set the level to HARD and started up "War Pigs". Now, we had just left a Mexican restaurant where I drank this HUGE and STRONG margarita, so I was tipsy, and I had not played Guitar Hero in several weeks. I wasn't even playing at my best, but due to the alcohol, I was in the zone. I finished the song, and when I turned around I was shocked to see a huge group of people that had been standing there watching me! I set the guitar down, and a guy picked it up and said "That was the hottest thing I've ever seen" and winked at me. Hahaha... I love that game.

Happy New Year

2006 is history, and I say good riddance! It was a hard year. I went through two surgeries for tumors that were discovered during the summer. Now I'm left with a little nerve damage and a persistently aching hip. I'm still in the recovery period, so hopefully these things will resolve.

I hope in 2007 that I can stay healthy. So far, it's questionable. My blood pressure is fluctuating again, and that is not good news. We'll see what happens.

On the brighter side of life, Tess is growing up, and she's a great child. She's smart, cute, and funny. I'm sure this year will be an exciting period of growth for her. She's turning two very soon, and she's learning more each day.

Work is just work but right now I'm not thinking about it. I'm off for awhile longer while I recover from surgery.

I plan to do more work on our house this year, if I'm healthy enough to do so. We want to put down hardwood flooring. We also have some plumbing issues to fix, and maybe I'll finally get around to painting the master bedroom. We'd also like to take a vacation because we haven't been anywhere in a long while. My vacation time at work has been consumed by maternity and medical leaves over the last two years. Perhaps this year I will finally be able to use it to travel somewhere.

Happy New Year to all my friends and family! May it be a healthy one for you as well!

The Santa Claus Conspiracy

Warning... Spoiler ahead! If you still believe in Santa, stop reading.

After much discussion on the topic, James and I have agreed not to perpetuate the Santa Claus myth with Tess. It was a hard decision for me, because I have fond memories of setting out cookies and milk for Santa, and reading the note that "he" left in the morning. It was always fun to wonder if I would wake up and catch him, and the anticipation of his arrival was always exciting. However, I remember when I found out that he wasn't real. I think I was around 5 when my cousin found all her gifts in my grandma's house and showed them to me. I questioned my mom, and she explained that indeed, Santa is not real, but there used to be a man (Saint Nick) who delivered presents to children, and Santa is based on that man. I felt really silly for believing in a man who supposedly lives at the North Pole with elves, came down our chimney every Christmas, and somehow made it around the world to every kid in one night... Hmmmmm.

I believe the magic of Christmas and the spirit of giving that Santa represents can still be celebrated and experienced even if a child knows the truth about Santa. Right now Tess doesn't have a clue about Santa or Christmas. She just knows that there is a tree in the house with many shiny things to grab. When she is old enough to understand, I will explain to her that long ago in Europe there was a man named Saint Nick, and he delivered presents to less fortunate children. He represents the spirit of giving, so mommy and daddy buy presents for you in his honor. And don't tell your friends because mommy doesn't want phone calls from angry parents!

Ten Things I'm Thankful For

Every Thanksgiving I try to take time to think about the many blessings in my life.

1. First and foremost, I am here and able to write this! Given my recent surgery (see prior posts) and another surgery that I will be having soon, I am thankful for the doctors who are taking care of me, and I'm thankful for having at least MOST of my health!

2. Of course, I'm thankful for my husband and daughter. James always makes me laugh, and Tess brings more joy to my life than I ever expected.

3. I'm thankful for my friends and family. They have helped me get through this year by lending an ear, sending cards and flowers, bringing food, helping me clean, watching Tess, and just being there if I need them! Thank you Leslie, Ji, Michelle, Kim, and everyone! There are too many of you to list! My mom stayed at my house for 5 days after my surgery, and that was a huge help. Thank you, mom!

4. I am thankful for my house, car, and all the "necessities" that so many people do without.

5. Music and my car stereo that plays MP3's. I can't imagine my life without music!

6. Starbucks! Coffee gets me through the day... whatever did I do before grande vanilla non-fat lattes?

7. Nature. I'm thankful for the moon, stars, trees, grass, flowers, rain, and the crunch of leaves when you step outside. Glittering snow at midnight when everything is silent. Squirrels running across my fence. The stray black cat that peers in my back door at night.

8. Good food, beer, and wine. Enough said.

9. I'm thankful to have a boss that lets me show up to work when I want, lets me work from home, and trusts me to do my work. It's so much easier to do your job when you have a good boss.

10. The Internet. It helps keep me connected to my friends, provides hours of entertainment, and it even pays my bills (sort of)!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

Trick or Treat

I wish I could be more in the spooky spirit this year, but I haven't even carved my pumpkin yet, and it's Halloween today! Tomorrow I'm going to be checked into the hospital, and on Friday I will undergo a partial hip replacement to take care of the tumor in my hip bone (femoral head). I don't feel particulary nervous about this procedure. It is very routine. It is a bit riskier for me than for other people who have the same procedure since my tumor is "special". It releases a lot of junk into my body that causes high blood pressure (among other things). So, when they remove the tumor, my blood pressure could plummet. I've been taking medication over the last couple of weeks that has lowered my blood pressure sufficiently, so hopefully that will help avoid a blood pressure crisis.

Sometime soon, when I'm recovered from the hip ordeal, I will have surgery to remove the tumor in my neck. They still do not know what this tumor is. I had a painful procedure a few weeks ago called an arteriogram where they inserted a camera into my femoral artery (near the groin) and ran it up to my neck in order to get a better look at the tumor. They injected dye while they took pictures, which made my face and neck feel hot. They gave me versed during the procedure (a local anesthetic), but it didn't work very well. It hurt when they numbed the area, punctured the artery, and when they put pressure on it afterwards. I remember every detail even though they said I would be fuzzy. I don't think I had enough versed! Unfortunately, I have to have the procedure done again before I have surgery so that they can embolize the tumor, which means they will insert plugs into the arteries that surround the tumor. That will cut off blood supply to the tumor and help with blood loss during surgery. I'm more nervous about this one because, let's face it, the thought of having surgery on the main artery that supplies blood to your brain is a little less than pleasant.

Fortunately, I have excellent doctors. Starting with the cardiologist who found the tumors, I have had a fairly quick turnaround in comparison to other experiences I've heard about (even though at times it felt like an eternity to me). I also have a great group of friends, co-workers, and family who have all been supporting me. Thank you all! Have a great Halloween... I'm going to do surgery on my pumpkin now!

Old Docs

I was going through some old documents today, and I found this passage. I don't remember when I wrote it.

...So she waved to her friends. "Have a great time!" she shouted, as they handed their boarding passes to the attendant. She turned and spotted a coffee bar, where she could drown her sadness in a cup of foamy paradise.
"It's ok", she thought, "I would love to ride the tube, and stop by a corner pub for a cider after a day at the British Museum. I'd love to walk by the Thames at twilight and see the beautiful stained glass at St. Paul's. The mums should be in full bloom at Hyde Park... but I'll get to see all their pictures."
"Tall vanilla latte!" said the barista, "Ma'am... Ma'am, did you order a latte?"
"Oh, yes... thanks."
She picked up her drink, wiped a tear from her eye, and smiled as the plane silently moved past the terminal window.

Updates

Well, another birthday has rolled around, but it doesn't feel like my birthday. I'm 33 today, and I'm facing major surgery soon. The type of tumor that I had removed when I was 18 has returned. It's called pheochromocytoma, and this time it's in the top of my femur (yeah, actually inside the bone). They found this tumor by doing an MIBG scan, which involved injecting me with radioactive iodine, and that caused the tumor to light up. I also had a CT scan, and they found a near golf ball sized tumor on the carotid artery in my neck. Pretty scary stuff.

I've already seen an orthopaedic surgeon about my hip, and he suggested a partial hip replacement. They will replace the ball in the ball and socket joint with a metal implant (We are Borg. Resistance is futile.). That will take care of the tumor, but in 20 years or so I'll have to get it done again because the replacement will wear out. I guess that's OK as long as the tumor can be removed. I couldn't believe it when he said the procedure only takes 45 minutes!

Today I'll be seeing a vascular surgeon about my neck. After that I will hopefully have a better idea about when my surgery (or surgeries) will be. They are not sure what type of mass this one is. It may or may not be the same type of tumor as the one in my bone. Since it didn't light up on the MIBG scan, it could be just a benign mass. We'll see. Physically, I feel OK other than throbbing pain in my hip and leg.

When life presents you with unexpected illness, you really put things into perspective. I'm trying to stay busy so that I don't have to dwell on things. I have painted the kitchen/living room ceiling, spray painted our light post, installed a new mailbox, and baked cupcakes. I'm making every effort to stay positive and enjoy spending time with family and friends.

This morning my laptop decided to break. So, I'm borrowing a co-worker's laptop. It's hard to work without all my files and programs, but I have a lot on my mind anyway. Plus, it's my birthday, so I should take it easy, right?

On a happier note, Tess is talking more and more. She is 20 months old now. She counts to 10, knows at least some of her colors (yellow, green, and red), and says hello and bye-bye regularly. Last night she said kitty. I'm so excited! It'll be fun to communicate with her as she grows her vocabulary!