Magical Cat's Corner

This Journey will Never End

I've been on chemotherapy for 1 year and 8 months. The chemo itself is very difficult to deal with. Each cycle puts me out of commission for nearly a week. I'm nauseated, weak, tired, and my tumor spots (which are all over) flare up and cause pain for several days. Each treatment is 2 days because one of the drugs has to be given over 2 days. On the third day, I receive a shot called Neulasta that boosts my white blood cell production. The shot has worse side effects than the chemo. It makes my skin burn. I can barely stand to take a shower. It also makes me incredibly weak, and when I stand up I nearly pass out. It also gives me feelings of doom and makes me want to die. Really, the shot is THAT bad. I'd like to never have it again, but there doesn't seem to be any other way to keep my white cell count up. When the chemo started, I went every three weeks, then it was every four, and now it's every five. The only thing that makes the chemo bearable is the time I have in between cycles when I feel nearly normal.

My journey with cancer did not start with the chemo. It has been ongoing since the birth of my beautiful daughter, who is now 5 1/2. Since then I've been through three major surgeries (my neck, my hip, and my liver), each with their own set of post-op woes. My body has been forever changed... nerve damage, metal hip, missing gallbladder. I've also been through radiation, radio frequency ablation, and a second pregnancy while the cancer continued to grow. My precious son is a miracle, because he came in the only window possible. Just another month later, and I probably wouldn't have been able to get through the pregnancy. It was interesting to be pregnant just four months after a hip replacement. That brought its own set of aches and probably delayed my healing a little bit. Despite all that, I made it through. Just three months after he was born, I had to have a mass dose of MIBG radiation as a treatment for my cancer. I had to stay away from my family for two weeks. I had to stop breastfeeding my son, which still makes me sad when I think about it. I breastfed my daughter for 16 months, and I'm a big supporter of breastfeeding.

Going back even farther, when I was ten years old I started vomiting every time I exercised or did anything that would increase my heart rate. I had high blood pressure. It took EIGHT YEARS to get a diagnosis. I had surgery when I was 18 to remove the orange sized tumor, one of my kidneys, and an adrenal gland.

Yes, this cancer has robbed me of many things. It has caused horrific pain that I never imagined possible. And now it threatens my life again, despite being on chemotherapy. It's spreading in my pelvis and hip joint. It seems there is no end in sight to this cancer. I just want to hang on until a cure is found. That's what I'm trying to do. I want to see my kids grow up, and I want to be there to help them if they ever develop the same tumors that I have.

My family and friends keep me going. I will fight this thing to the end.