I'm a Guitar Hero

So we were at Best Buy the other night, and they had a display with Guitar Hero 2 setup. Some people were trying to play a song, and it was making me laugh because they were missing notes like crazy and were kicked out of the song. So, I picked up the "guitar", set the level to HARD and started up "War Pigs". Now, we had just left a Mexican restaurant where I drank this HUGE and STRONG margarita, so I was tipsy, and I had not played Guitar Hero in several weeks. I wasn't even playing at my best, but due to the alcohol, I was in the zone. I finished the song, and when I turned around I was shocked to see a huge group of people that had been standing there watching me! I set the guitar down, and a guy picked it up and said "That was the hottest thing I've ever seen" and winked at me. Hahaha... I love that game.

Happy New Year

2006 is history, and I say good riddance! It was a hard year. I went through two surgeries for tumors that were discovered during the summer. Now I'm left with a little nerve damage and a persistently aching hip. I'm still in the recovery period, so hopefully these things will resolve.

I hope in 2007 that I can stay healthy. So far, it's questionable. My blood pressure is fluctuating again, and that is not good news. We'll see what happens.

On the brighter side of life, Tess is growing up, and she's a great child. She's smart, cute, and funny. I'm sure this year will be an exciting period of growth for her. She's turning two very soon, and she's learning more each day.

Work is just work but right now I'm not thinking about it. I'm off for awhile longer while I recover from surgery.

I plan to do more work on our house this year, if I'm healthy enough to do so. We want to put down hardwood flooring. We also have some plumbing issues to fix, and maybe I'll finally get around to painting the master bedroom. We'd also like to take a vacation because we haven't been anywhere in a long while. My vacation time at work has been consumed by maternity and medical leaves over the last two years. Perhaps this year I will finally be able to use it to travel somewhere.

Happy New Year to all my friends and family! May it be a healthy one for you as well!

The Santa Claus Conspiracy

Warning... Spoiler ahead! If you still believe in Santa, stop reading.

After much discussion on the topic, James and I have agreed not to perpetuate the Santa Claus myth with Tess. It was a hard decision for me, because I have fond memories of setting out cookies and milk for Santa, and reading the note that "he" left in the morning. It was always fun to wonder if I would wake up and catch him, and the anticipation of his arrival was always exciting. However, I remember when I found out that he wasn't real. I think I was around 5 when my cousin found all her gifts in my grandma's house and showed them to me. I questioned my mom, and she explained that indeed, Santa is not real, but there used to be a man (Saint Nick) who delivered presents to children, and Santa is based on that man. I felt really silly for believing in a man who supposedly lives at the North Pole with elves, came down our chimney every Christmas, and somehow made it around the world to every kid in one night... Hmmmmm.

I believe the magic of Christmas and the spirit of giving that Santa represents can still be celebrated and experienced even if a child knows the truth about Santa. Right now Tess doesn't have a clue about Santa or Christmas. She just knows that there is a tree in the house with many shiny things to grab. When she is old enough to understand, I will explain to her that long ago in Europe there was a man named Saint Nick, and he delivered presents to less fortunate children. He represents the spirit of giving, so mommy and daddy buy presents for you in his honor. And don't tell your friends because mommy doesn't want phone calls from angry parents!

Ten Things I'm Thankful For

Every Thanksgiving I try to take time to think about the many blessings in my life.

1. First and foremost, I am here and able to write this! Given my recent surgery (see prior posts) and another surgery that I will be having soon, I am thankful for the doctors who are taking care of me, and I'm thankful for having at least MOST of my health!

2. Of course, I'm thankful for my husband and daughter. James always makes me laugh, and Tess brings more joy to my life than I ever expected.

3. I'm thankful for my friends and family. They have helped me get through this year by lending an ear, sending cards and flowers, bringing food, helping me clean, watching Tess, and just being there if I need them! Thank you Leslie, Ji, Michelle, Kim, and everyone! There are too many of you to list! My mom stayed at my house for 5 days after my surgery, and that was a huge help. Thank you, mom!

4. I am thankful for my house, car, and all the "necessities" that so many people do without.

5. Music and my car stereo that plays MP3's. I can't imagine my life without music!

6. Starbucks! Coffee gets me through the day... whatever did I do before grande vanilla non-fat lattes?

7. Nature. I'm thankful for the moon, stars, trees, grass, flowers, rain, and the crunch of leaves when you step outside. Glittering snow at midnight when everything is silent. Squirrels running across my fence. The stray black cat that peers in my back door at night.

8. Good food, beer, and wine. Enough said.

9. I'm thankful to have a boss that lets me show up to work when I want, lets me work from home, and trusts me to do my work. It's so much easier to do your job when you have a good boss.

10. The Internet. It helps keep me connected to my friends, provides hours of entertainment, and it even pays my bills (sort of)!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

Trick or Treat

I wish I could be more in the spooky spirit this year, but I haven't even carved my pumpkin yet, and it's Halloween today! Tomorrow I'm going to be checked into the hospital, and on Friday I will undergo a partial hip replacement to take care of the tumor in my hip bone (femoral head). I don't feel particulary nervous about this procedure. It is very routine. It is a bit riskier for me than for other people who have the same procedure since my tumor is "special". It releases a lot of junk into my body that causes high blood pressure (among other things). So, when they remove the tumor, my blood pressure could plummet. I've been taking medication over the last couple of weeks that has lowered my blood pressure sufficiently, so hopefully that will help avoid a blood pressure crisis.

Sometime soon, when I'm recovered from the hip ordeal, I will have surgery to remove the tumor in my neck. They still do not know what this tumor is. I had a painful procedure a few weeks ago called an arteriogram where they inserted a camera into my femoral artery (near the groin) and ran it up to my neck in order to get a better look at the tumor. They injected dye while they took pictures, which made my face and neck feel hot. They gave me versed during the procedure (a local anesthetic), but it didn't work very well. It hurt when they numbed the area, punctured the artery, and when they put pressure on it afterwards. I remember every detail even though they said I would be fuzzy. I don't think I had enough versed! Unfortunately, I have to have the procedure done again before I have surgery so that they can embolize the tumor, which means they will insert plugs into the arteries that surround the tumor. That will cut off blood supply to the tumor and help with blood loss during surgery. I'm more nervous about this one because, let's face it, the thought of having surgery on the main artery that supplies blood to your brain is a little less than pleasant.

Fortunately, I have excellent doctors. Starting with the cardiologist who found the tumors, I have had a fairly quick turnaround in comparison to other experiences I've heard about (even though at times it felt like an eternity to me). I also have a great group of friends, co-workers, and family who have all been supporting me. Thank you all! Have a great Halloween... I'm going to do surgery on my pumpkin now!

Old Docs

I was going through some old documents today, and I found this passage. I don't remember when I wrote it.

...So she waved to her friends. "Have a great time!" she shouted, as they handed their boarding passes to the attendant. She turned and spotted a coffee bar, where she could drown her sadness in a cup of foamy paradise.
"It's ok", she thought, "I would love to ride the tube, and stop by a corner pub for a cider after a day at the British Museum. I'd love to walk by the Thames at twilight and see the beautiful stained glass at St. Paul's. The mums should be in full bloom at Hyde Park... but I'll get to see all their pictures."
"Tall vanilla latte!" said the barista, "Ma'am... Ma'am, did you order a latte?"
"Oh, yes... thanks."
She picked up her drink, wiped a tear from her eye, and smiled as the plane silently moved past the terminal window.

Updates

Well, another birthday has rolled around, but it doesn't feel like my birthday. I'm 33 today, and I'm facing major surgery soon. The type of tumor that I had removed when I was 18 has returned. It's called pheochromocytoma, and this time it's in the top of my femur (yeah, actually inside the bone). They found this tumor by doing an MIBG scan, which involved injecting me with radioactive iodine, and that caused the tumor to light up. I also had a CT scan, and they found a near golf ball sized tumor on the carotid artery in my neck. Pretty scary stuff.

I've already seen an orthopaedic surgeon about my hip, and he suggested a partial hip replacement. They will replace the ball in the ball and socket joint with a metal implant (We are Borg. Resistance is futile.). That will take care of the tumor, but in 20 years or so I'll have to get it done again because the replacement will wear out. I guess that's OK as long as the tumor can be removed. I couldn't believe it when he said the procedure only takes 45 minutes!

Today I'll be seeing a vascular surgeon about my neck. After that I will hopefully have a better idea about when my surgery (or surgeries) will be. They are not sure what type of mass this one is. It may or may not be the same type of tumor as the one in my bone. Since it didn't light up on the MIBG scan, it could be just a benign mass. We'll see. Physically, I feel OK other than throbbing pain in my hip and leg.

When life presents you with unexpected illness, you really put things into perspective. I'm trying to stay busy so that I don't have to dwell on things. I have painted the kitchen/living room ceiling, spray painted our light post, installed a new mailbox, and baked cupcakes. I'm making every effort to stay positive and enjoy spending time with family and friends.

This morning my laptop decided to break. So, I'm borrowing a co-worker's laptop. It's hard to work without all my files and programs, but I have a lot on my mind anyway. Plus, it's my birthday, so I should take it easy, right?

On a happier note, Tess is talking more and more. She is 20 months old now. She counts to 10, knows at least some of her colors (yellow, green, and red), and says hello and bye-bye regularly. Last night she said kitty. I'm so excited! It'll be fun to communicate with her as she grows her vocabulary!

Excursion to Ancient Egypt

Ok, I really went to Chicago to see the "Tutankhamun and the Golden Age of the Pharoahs" exhibit at the Field Museum with my friends Leslie and Michelle. It was very cool! Aside from the many people crowded around the artifacts, we had a great time. The Field Museum has an impressive collection of mummies and artifacts outside of the Tut exhibit. We also checked out the largest T-rex skeleton to be discovered (aka "Sue"), an exhibit on Africa, a full-scale Pawnee earth lodge, and the Nature Walk, where we managed to get lost right before we were due to enter the Tut exhibit. The Nature Walk included every animal you can imagine, stuffed and preserved for your viewing pleasure.

After the museum we drove to IKEA in Bolingbrook. Surprisingly, the choice of sit-down eateries in that area was slim. We ended up at Cheddars, which turned out to have pretty good food for the money.

IKEA is so much fun. Low, low prices for cool stuff! We were shopping for nearly two hours, and we filled our cart to the brim. I wish IKEA would build closer to Indy.

At 3am I was finally in bed, while visions of mummies danced in my head. I think next time I will plan to stay all night in Chicago. It was a fun day trip, but if we had stayed all night we might have been able to eat somewhere really unique, visit downtown, or spend more time by the water around the museum area.

Music Mania

For some reason, I've been on a CD buying binge in the last couple of months. I guess I just needed some new (and old) stuff to listen to. It's certainly an interesting mix of stuff:

Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark (OMD) - Best Of
Electric Light Orchestra (ELO) - Best Of
School of Fish - self-titled
Sisters of Mercy - Vision Thing
Lightning Seeds - Best Of
Midnight Oil - Best Of
Matthew Sweet - Girlfriend
Toad the Wet Sprocket - Fear
Live - Songs From Black Mountain

I could have sworn that I had the Toad CD, but perhaps I was thinking of the cassette because I couldn't find the CD. I am really excited because I just learned that Loreena McKennitt is going to have a new album out this fall! It's been nine years since her last one, and I've been waiting!

Life Goes On... Maybe for Ghosts Too

So I haven't had a lot to blog about lately. I've just been going about my life... working, taking care of Tess. She recently started a new daycare, which has been mildly stressful because she has to get used to going to a new place all over again. She takes her anger out on me. The first couple of days she hit me and pulled my hair when I picked her up. I found another in-home daycare (by referral), and it's a good place. I'm sure she'll get used to it. I do feel a little guilty because she stays longer now. I've been picking her up somewhere around 3:30.

Last weekend I stayed all night in a haunted house. It's an old house (built in 1858) called the Hannah House. There are a few stories about the house that involve people burning to death in the basement (and being buried under the basement floor), a stillborn baby, and an old woman dying in one of the bedrooms. So a group of us went there for the night to check out the house and do a bit of ghost hunting.

The first few hours were the scariest. I had some very creepy sensations in the basement and in the attic. The curators of the house had turned out all the lights, so the only light in the house was from flashlights, bathroom lights, and faint outdoor lights. The darkness alone was enough to elicit creepy feelings. I mean, I would probably get creeped out sitting in the dark in my own house after awhile.

In the dining room, someone had set up a monitor connected to four cameras in the house. It was very interesting to watch what they were picking up. I saw several fuzzy spheres drift by the camera lense, especially in the upstairs stairwell. Someone said they were dust particles, but they seemed to move too fast to be dust. Plus, I never saw more than one at a time. They moved almost as if they had a destination in mind.

A guy who may have had some psychic abilities showed up around midnight, and the night took on a different tone from there. He took groups of us around the house. This time, I didn't feel any creepiness at all in the attic. He took it upon himself to "read" some of us in the group, and for some reason he liked picking on me. It was OK. Some of the stuff he said made sense to me and other stuff didn't. So be it. I really just wanted some ghostly experiences.

In the very early AM hours, some of us were sitting in the basement, again in the dark. The psychic was using a pendulum to communicate with spirits. I had brought a Ouija board, but some people didn't want to use it without the "proper methods", which I guess involves six candles, a Bible, and a blessing (?). Whatever... I didn't argue and took it back to the car. One of the first comments the psychic made when he arrived was "What I wanna know is who had a Ouija board in here." He warned us about using it in this house... not a good idea. So, I don't understand what the difference is between communicating with spirits with a board manufactured by Parker Brothers (those evil Parker Brothers!) and a pendulum. Oh well, I didn't ask.

In the basement there were shelves along one wall that were lined with many jars of century old fruits and vegetables. These jars had been canned sometime around the turn of the century (1900), and trust me, they looked like it (gross!). Apparently, anytime someone attempts to move the jars, ghostly activity increases in the house, and one person was even physically pushed back from the jars. As we were sitting there in the basement, asking questions of a spirit and watching the pendulum answer yes or no by swinging in a circle or back and forth, someone asked a question and POP! One of jars' lids popped as if it had been opened. That was rather bizarre... everyone jumped, and I have to admit it was odd timing that a jar sitting there for 100 years would suddenly pop open.

After that, it started to get light outside, and we left the house. Overall, it was a great time. The event could have been a little more organized. More ghost hunting and less psychic readings perhaps. Oh yeah, and it was hotter than hell because they didn't have the air conditioning on. Other than that, it was fun, and a bit creepy too. I would do it again in the flutter of a heartbeat.

Click Here to view my pictures.

Orange Barrel Blues

Road construction is a bane to my existence these days. Everywhere I need to go, there are barrels. 116th street is being widened to four lanes right in front of Telamon, and it is a total mess there. The road is closed when you're coming in from the east, so I have to take a detour down Westfield to 111th to College...basically going around the closure and approaching from the west. Only employees can get in there, and we're basically off roading on a dirt trail that winds around various huge stone things and construction equipment. 69 North is also under construction between 96th street and 37 North, and traffic just crawls along in the morning. It now takes me an hour to drop Tess off at daycare and get to work. I'm only in the office for a whopping four hours (sometimes less), and then I spend another hour and 15 minutes getting back to the daycare and then going home. With the lunch rush and the detour around the road closure, it is impossible to get out of Carmel in a timely manner.

The worst part is that summer hasn't even started yet... we'll be seeing those barrels for a long freaking time.

Slippin', Slidin', Bellydancing, and Cat Herding: What a Weekend!

James and I went to an indoor water park this past weekend (at the Holiday Inn in front of the Pyramids in Indy) for our anniversary, which is June 21. They had three water slides that were so much fun! One of them required an inner tube, and the other two were just crazy fast.

For dinner, we went to El Morocco (86th & Ditch). We sat on cushions at a low table, and the atmosphere was very cool. The food was delicious, and while we ate, we were entertained by bellydancers. That place is awesome! I can't wait to go back. After we were loaded up on sangria and food, we got back into the water and went down the slides several more times. I think the slides are less scary and more fun in general when you're a little tipsy.

Sunday was Father's Day, so I went to see my dad in Rush-tucky. We spent part of the evening trying to capture 4 feral kittens. I managed to grab one of them, but the other three are still on the loose. The one we nabbed was very cute... and it now has a home with my step-sister. The whole experience reminded me of that commercial from a few years ago where cowboys were herding cats. Meeeeeow!

Rock Star Moment

Last night I met Glen Phillips (lead singer of Toad the Wet Sprocket and solo artist) in Broadripple before the Toad concert! My friend Michele and I were going to get something to eat, and Glen walked by and started to cross the street... I ran up to the corner, ran across the street, and stopped him. I said "Are you Glen?" (yeah, dumb question... I was 98% certain it was him). He said "Yeah" with a half smile. I shook his hand, and he signed my Mr. Lemons CD. He was very nice. I apologized for stopping him on the street and told him I've wanted to meet him for years and years. He seemed flattered... and maybe a little shocked. I didn't see anyone else go up to him, so maybe he doesn't get recognized that often.

The concert was great. Toad did a lot of songs from "Coil", which is my favorite album by them.

Another Chapter Ends

Tess is done nursing! I didn't plan it... in fact, the last time she nursed I didn't know it would be the last time. I nursed her Friday morning, before I went to the hospital to do a cardio test. At the hospital, they injected me with radiation so that they could photograph my heart. I had no idea going in that they would do that, but because of the radiation, I could not nurse Tess for at least 36 hours. They also told me to try to stay 4-6 feet away from her for that time. So, I figured with the three day weekend and the fact that I couldn't nurse her anyway, it might be a good time to stop.

Tess was a little cranky on Saturday and Sunday, but it was hard to tell if it was because she didn't get to nurse or for some other reason. She was in a very good mood on Monday, so I am now proclaiming her officially weaned.

I think it's harder on me than it is on her because I'm still producing. Until everything dries up it's a little uncomfortable. I cried a little on Saturday night as I rocked her to sleep, because I will miss the closeness that nursing brings. I won't miss the accidental biting or the times when she would keep hanging on even though there wasn't a drop left. I couldn't pry her off of there for anything.

It was all worth it, and I'm proud of myself for sticking with it for 16 months. I would do it all again, and in fact, I probably will when we have another baby.

The Da Vinci Controversy

I was giving my daughter a bath recently, and I turned on the radio for a little bathtime music. The radio doesn't pick up many stations, and as I was flipping through, I heard someone talking about The Da Vinci Code. I stopped and listened, and it turned out to be a panel of priests (or other such people of "credibility" in the Catholic church) talking about the controversy surrounding the book and movie.

Some of the comments I heard (over splashing water and squeals of delight) were that people are questioning whether or not The Da Vinci Code is true, and the movie should be boycotted by Christians because it hurts the Catholic church's image (by the way, for the two people out there who haven't read it, the main premise is that Jesus was married to Mary Magdelene and they had a child, and the Catholic church has been keeping it a secret for centuries).

The thing that struck me as silly is that these people are worried about a fictional story making them look bad... uh, hello? It can't be any more humiliating than the large number of child molesting priests that have turned up. They also spent a great deal of time discussing their "proof" that Jesus was never married, and I had to ask myself... so what if he was? What does that really change? If anything, I think it would mean that Jesus was a living example of the thing he was always talking about: love. I mean, if he were a fisherman and a carpenter (aside from his "divine duties"), why is it so hard to believe that he could have been a husband and a father?

I have read the book, and I've seen the movie. I thought it was a good movie and a good representation of the book. People should take it for what it is: a fictional adventure story.

Metal Mania

So May is Metal Month on VH1 Classics, and I'm not getting anything done because of it! I had a lot of programming to do over the weekend, but instead of working on it, I watched a Judas Priest concert Saturday night and the 100 Most Metal Moments on Sunday. Huh, who wants to work on a Saturday night anyway.

It's pretty funny to watch the old videos and see what the hair band rockers look like now. Yeah, I still like some of it. I like Judas Priest and AC/DC more now than I did back in the day. In fact, I used to hate AC/DC, but some of their guitar riffs rock. I've always liked Judas Priest, especially "Turbo Lover", but I've never owned any of their albums. I'm considering getting their new one though. Gotta bring my daughter up right, ya know? Actually, I try to expose her to many different musical genres... big band, classical, Celtic, rock, and jazz. The cable music channels come in handy for that.

You Can't Stop Nature

For the past few springs, we've had at least one baby bunny nest in our yard. Today I was working at my kitchen table, and I noticed a big crow flying around near the nest that is currently in our backyard. I went out there to shoo it away, and I saw that the nest was empty. A bunny was lying nearby. It was still breathing, but it was on its back. I don't think that one will make it, but I put it back into the nest, which was empty. Then I saw another bunny that unfortunately was killed. I looked around some more, and I found three more bunnies hiding in the tall grass. I put them back into the nest. I hope I found them all. Poor things. I don't know what animal found them or if it is going to come back, but there is not much else I can do short of keeping an eye out for predators. If I cover the nest, the mother will not be able to get to the babies. I am not sure if she will continue to care for them now that the nest has been disturbed.

For anyone who has wild rabbits around their house, here are a few facts about them:

* Nests are generally located in the middle of a grassy area. They are not usually concealed by bushes or trees. The mother rabbit digs a shallow hole, births her babies there, and then covers the hole with her own fur. You can usually find the nest by looking for a mass of grey fur in the grass.

* The mother rabbit will visit her babies for only 5 minutes at a time once or twice a day/night. She will nurse them, replace the fur over the nest, and hop away. She does not stick around the nest because she does not want to attract predators. Many people find bunny nests and think that they have been abandoned because the mother is not around, but that is more than likely not the case. If the bunnies are warm, they are being cared for. Just leave the nest alone.

* You should handle the baby bunnies as little as possible, if at all. If you find them outside the nest, either they are old enough to leave the nest or something has disturbed the nest. A good rule to go by is that if the bunny lets you pick it up, it is not ready to be out of the nest. Gently place it back into the nest. If the bunny is scared of you and hops away, it is ready to venture out on its own.

Whoa, Black Buddy, Bam-a-lam

	Two years ago today my cat, Rishi, aka Buddy, passed away. He was such a great cat. He loved to sit on my lap. If I were reading a magazine or newspaper, he would lie down right in the middle of it. He also loved plastic wrap.
When I bought a new CD or opened a candy cane, he would go crazy trying to get the plastic wrap from me. He had a strange fascination with banana peels. When I had a banana, he'd get in my lap and bat at the peel. He used to jump onto the kitchen counter and then to the top of the refrigerator just to hang out and watch me cook. Crazy cat. I still miss him. I lit a black candle for him today.

Marching Towards Spring

March has not been fun. Tess started daycare at a large facility that I won't name here. In the first (and, as it turns out, only) week, she was scratched by another child, she fell of her her chair at lunch and hit her head on the table, and she became very sick. Her nose started running, so I figured she had a cold, but a couple of days later, she had a fever and began throwing up and having diarrhea. James and I also got bad colds. We dealt with it as best we could. One of us had to stay home from work with her because we couldn't take her back to the daycare in that condition. After four days of this, her temperature returned to normal, but we noticed that she was very fussy. I had been watching for the signs of dehydration, so when she cried and didn't have any tears, I knew it was time to go back to the doctor.

The doctor said that she was mildly dehydrated, and I should take her to the hospital to get a fluid IV. We stayed all night at Community North. Tess had an IV in her hand. I might as well have slept on the floor that night (would've been more comfortable than the pull out chair/bed thing that was in the room). After receiving the fluids, Tess felt much better. They ran a couple of tests and determined that she had the rotavirus. They said it is fairly common in daycare settings. She had not had a fever for a couple of days by this time, so the doctor said she was no longer contagious.

In the midst of all this, I also had a complicated project to do for work. It's really hard to concentrate when you're sick and caring for a sick child. My stress levels have been through the roof.

On a happy note, we started Tess with a new careperson who was recommended by friends, and I'm so glad we did. It's a home based daycare, so there are fewer kids, and it's a much more comfortable setting for Tess. She's still getting used to it, but I'm sure she'll be having fun there soon. There was no way I was going to take her back to the first daycare. Aside from the injuries and illness, Tess absolutely hated it there. I can accept that there is an adjustment period, and that she will cry for the first several days that I drop her off at a new place, but when I took her there, she would scream and cling to me. It was awful. After only a few hours there each day, the knees on her pants would be black with dirt, so I don't think it was very clean either.

Meanwhile, James and I are still getting over these nasty colds. My throat finally stopped hurting, but I have congestion that just won't quit. I can't smell anything. Amazing how much you rely on your sense of smell. I can't taste my food or tell if I've put too much perfume on. I can't even tell when Tess needs to be changed right now, so I have to check her periodically. This stupid cold caused me to miss the St. Patrick's Day sing-a-long at the Chatterbox for the first time in eight years.

Come on, spring weather!

Missing My Girl

I took my baby girl to daycare today for the first time. She is 13 months, so she's not exactly a baby anymore. It was a weird feeling leaving my daughter in the hands of strangers. I know they are trained to take care of kids, but it's still scary. This was a trial day, so I came back home after dropping her off. I felt OK at first, but then I realized how quiet it was in the house. I saw all of her toys on the floor, but she wasn't there playing with them. That's when I cried. I suppose it's normal...

When I picked her up, she was eating lunch. She looked so grown up sitting in a little chair at a little table. She ate chicken nuggets and drank some milk. She didn't notice me there until I went over and tapped her on the shoulder. As soon as she saw me, she did this look, like "Thank God mom is here!" and then she started crying. I hope she gets used to it pretty quickly, because it will break my heart if she does that every time I pick her up.